It's official. The new Single Girl Project is here! I am so excited!

If you are currently following me here, I invite you to head over to paperandarrow.com to check out my new blog! You will have to resubscribe in order to continue receiving monthly updates of recent posts and activities. By resubscribing, you will receive a link to download a PDF version of my short e-book! (Look for the link to sign up on the right side bar. Or, if you're on a mobile device, scroll down to the bottom.) Also, please follow me on social media (links will be on the new blog!) and share Paper + Arrow with your loved ones. This project is very important to me and my readers are my inspiration and driving force. Let's create our stories & launch our arrows!

Read more about the name change here.

Help me remember

You know how sometimes in life you're just going through the motions -- not much is changing and you're just kind of...hanging out? And then there are times in life when you're surrounded by constant changes and you're just trying to maneuver the transition smoothly. You ride an excellent wave for awhile and then you hit some turbulence. Which I don't mind at all. C'est la vie. The ebb and flow of life. The turbulence is where life happens and when you discover what you're made of. I love coming out on the other side of that adversity. {and I'm pretty sure maneuvering any transition perfectly and smoothly is near impossible}

I am definitely going through one of those "transition" periods in my life right now. I try to focus on how exciting and promising it is and not on how exhausting or stressful it is. I use personal development methods to help me maneuver through change and to discover where I want my new paths to lead. I'm very independent and a bit on the introverted side so this level of solitude and personal discovery comes naturally to me. 

However, I was reminded this week how important it is to rely on your tribe from time to time. I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends to turn to and talk with. I know a lot about what stresses they have in their lives, what changes they are trying to find their way through. I offer a listening ear and typically try to coach them through a situation through useful advice. But I sometimes forget that I need those things, too.

I tend to seek out crossroads because I get bored easily and want challenge and excitement in life. They come to fruition because I intentionally seek them out and then once I'm standing at these crossroads, I don't know which way I want to go. I become incredibly indecisive when faced with too many options. {I mean, it's really scary that by picking one thing you're letting go of another! The risk of regret is high!}  

So, I had lunch with a friend early last week and was sharing with her my latest predicament. I forgot how great it is to talk things out. When you explain something to someone else, it forces you to get out of your own head. As we talked through it, I started to answer my own questions. When I'm mapping out how to achieve my goals, it becomes easy to focus on the day-to-day details. She reminded me to look at the bigger picture. Stopping to talk it out with her made me realize that while a certain choice may come with undesirable side effects in the short term, it's for the long term good. I would much rather endure a little short term pain for long term gain. I don't like to make time with my friends all about me so I was truly grateful to her for allowing me the time to break it down and come to some clarity. 

I spent the rest of the day feeling a little more sure of my decision and a little less stressed. Some doubt still remained, but I was definitely more confident and tuned into my gut and heart strings than I was before our conversation. Later that night, I got a phone call from one of my good friends back home in California. It was so great to catch up in general and I briefed her on where I was in life. We didn't have a lot of time for me to go into the details of my crossroads, which made what she said at the end of our conversation even more powerful. It's hard to write about because I can't go into detail yet on my blog {but soon I will! after a few more ducks are in a row I will share some news with you!} But, she just said, very matter-of-factly, "Meg, you just need to do x, y, z." What she didn't know is that x, y, and z are exactly what I have in the works! Talk about a sign from the universe. Any doubt that I had about whether I was making the right decision, any fear of regret at not choosing another route all disappeared with her comment. 

I struggle with pride. I don't like to make things all about me or ask for help. If I'm working through a decision regarding my next steps, I really like to do it in my own world. So my point here is that it is okay to break out of that once in awhile. Talk it out. Bounce your thoughts off of some of your trusted friends. Achieve some clarity. Chances are that just talking it out will help make your choice more obvious. When others give advice, you will feel in your gut whether you agree with it or not -- let that guide your decision. When you ask for help, you'll remember where your heart is. 

The friend I had lunch with last week sent me this note, reminding me that I can succeed, that I have the power to make the decisions that form the life I want. She comforted me by saying that, no matter what, she will always believe in me. Hopefully this helps you remember, too.

"Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture."

--Norman Vincent Peale, author

I will always believe in you! Never give up!

Every once in awhile, we all need encouraged to Never Give Up. 

Believe in yourself. Trust your intuition. Follow your heart. 

What I wish I would have known

For the month of October, I participated in a writing challenge - write 500 words a day on a given prompt. I was a bit anxious as to how this would go. I can rather easily fill a page with words on a given topic but I do not have an existing routine in place that sets aside time each day for writing. This is why I signed on for this project. I love writing and I wanted to create a habit of writing every day. Just like any skill or talent, it requires practice. I had to establish time each day to work at it and get better. 

One of the prompts was "Write something you wish someone would have told you years ago." This was all too easy. It has been a frequent topic as of late. My best girlfriends & I are all going to be turning 30 with our next birthdays -- beginning in the all-to-near December. This weekend we were talking about where we are in our lives and what we hope our 30's will hold. We reminisced about our 20's. {that will never get old!} We reflected on the last decade and, since this has been a bit of a theme in my life lately, I'm going to share with you now what I wrote for this particular prompt. 

What I wish I would have known:

A caveat to what I've written: 

There isn't a whole lot I would do different even if I could go back. I've learned from experience that Mark Twain was right, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than things you did do. Any regrets that I do have, are all things I didn't do. 

{Which is probably why I now take any random opportunity that presents itself} 

Also, it's never too late. I realize that. But changing course, crossing off bucket list items, doing the things you wish you would have done...it just gets harder as you get older. We are bound by our responsibilities. We are also bound by society. Being fearless, wild & free suddenly becomes a careless mistake once you hit 30. Society is more forgiving the younger you are. The older you get, the more you should "know better" and be settling down.  But, again, it's never too late. Buck society and its standards. Change course & start new whenever you want, no matter your age. 

I think there's a sense of ego-ism in the ages between 18-21. You're fresh out of high school when the world revolved around things like Friday's game or if your crush will ask you to homecoming. [I mean, enjoy high school -- it's fun & you've got it made. But it's far from the best years of your life.] You're, more than likely, going to be on a college campus -- finally an adult, free to control your own life without interference from your parents. College is awesome. You make incredible friendships and the best of memories. For four years you live with your friends and go to parties. Going to class and earning a degree just comes along with the territory and half the time, you don't even know if you like what you're studying, let alone what you're going to do with it after graduation. You picked a major because the pressure was on and you had to. And then you graduate. You literally have no idea what hit you. You were running your world for four years. It was all about you and your friends and a good time. You didn't think it would actually end, or what to expect if it did. 

Then you enter the workforce and real adulthood smacks you in the face. You suddenly have responsibilities. You suddenly find yourself in the rat race. You're one in millions looking for that dream job, working towards that next promotion. As the years pass and your career builds, the social pressures hit full force. Get that relationship, upgrade that car, build a home for yourself. And, while there is a definite rat race involved, it's not all about climbing the ladder. It's all a fun time. You face adversity, coming out stronger and smarter on the other side. You're making more money than you were in college so you go on vacations, you buy nice things, you can afford the latest season's trends. You find out who your real friends are. The ones that stick with you while you're navigating your life and while they're navigating theirs -- this is not easy to do as the older you get, the more schedules need coordinated. You meet new people, have new experiences. Your world expands and you do have fun. And, honestly, I would say you're having more meaningful fun. College is fun without basically any effort. In the real world, you have to prioritize fun.You plan your happy hours, your weekend trips with your friends, your date nights, etc. You live for these things. You need them to survive, to break up your monotonous work week. You're more purposeful of what you spend your free time doing because you don't have as much of it. You're protective of who you let in and give your time to and you realize who and what matters most to you.

So now you're approaching 30. Presumably you've got a career underway -- otherwise society looks at you like you're a space cadet for not knowing what you want to do by 30 {and to that I say "Not all who wander are lost"} and the societal timeline has shifted to marriage and babies. I haven't gotten there yet myself, but pretty much all of my friends have. What I can only imagine happens next is a flashback to when you graduated college. Real life hits you in the face and you had no idea it was coming. Marriage and babies has to be a whole new ballgame just like real life was when you were wide-eyed and fresh off college campus. 

I love life, particularly mine. I cherish the experiences I've had. I love that each decade or chapter of life bears new experiences. Whether college, the wandering of your 20's, the settling down of your 30's...I believe they all are beautiful and hold amazing promises. The scenario I just explained is based on my experience and while I know it doesn't have to be this way, I know that it typically is. That's how the average 20's play out. I wish someone would have told me it didn't have to be that way. More importantly, I wish they would have told me that no matter how you live out your 20's, it goes way too fast. I didn't grasp what our twenties are really like and what they should be used for until recently, in my late twenties, and now I feel like I am racing against the clock to make up for lost time. 

What you choose in your early twenties, from a major to who you spend your time with, sets the tone for the snowball affect it starts. It's never too late to change course, but it does become harder to do as time passes. I wish someone would have told me to take my time making these choices. To resist the rat race for as long as possible. The career you would choose at 20 is likely to be very different from the career you would choose at 30. Same for a mate. Don't settle for what you know. Challenge what you know. Try new things. Travel to new places. Meet new people. Plan a bucket list and then go do it while you can. Take every opportunity for an internship or to study abroad. Maybe don't even go to college right away. Spend time in other cities, navigating life. Learn as much as you can. Every experience is a teaching moment.

Decide what you want to do {hint: you should feel passionate about it} Imagine the life you want to live. And then find ways to make that happen {this involves taking risks, exhausting every possible route only to eventually create your own path} You are more than a career. You do not need to be married by a certain age to be deemed a success. Have career goals. Know the kind of person you think you want to marry. But know the kind of person you want to be as well. 

Your twenties are for YOU. Not in the way of high school and college where you think the world revolves around you. Instead, involve yourself in the world. Submerse yourself in everything little thing that comes your way. Put yourself out there. Create situations for yourself. You can make mistakes, you can take risks. You have time to recover from those. Every experience will teach you something. Be selfish. It is about you. Don’t be in a rush to go to this college, date this person, start this job unless YOU really want to. Not because it’s what others want out of you. It’s easy to fall into that. We compare our journey to the paths of others. We make our life choices based on how well others will receive and accept them. Don’t do that. Do what you want to do. And sometimes, the only way to know what you want to do is trial and error. So go for it and be willing to take chances and make mistakes. You won’t fail. There is no such thing. You can try and something may not workout as you imagined but then you redirect and change course. You can always change course {I recommend taking the long way -- that’s how you evolve} Just don’t be average. Don’t be cookie cutter. Your twenties are for you -- don’t waste it doing things just because it's what everyone else is doing. You only have one life to do all that you are ever going to do so you better get started. Don't play it safe. Be adventurous. Travel. Travel. Travel. In the words of Mark Twain - “Dream. Explore. Discover.” Go. Do. You.

embrace kindness.

“kindness is the root of all good things”

The yoga studio I’m involved with has a wonderful monthly program called Random Kind Act Pals. This is the first time that I have participated. You sign up and are paired with your kindness pal for the month. The two of you exchange addresses and any other relevant information you want to offer. By the end of the month, you send the other a small gift to brighten their day and spread kindness! 

I had only briefly met my partner once before, several months ago at a studio event. I did not know a whole lot about her and I pride myself on giving meaningful gifts so this was a challenge for me! I wanted to make sure she would like what I sent her and I wanted her to feel inspired. While I took time to figure out the right thing to send, I was also anticipating the snail mail she would send me. Something in the mailbox that isn’t a bill!?! I was so excited!!

The only clue I gave my partner was that I love arrows. It doesn’t matter what it is, if there’s an arrow involved, I will love it. I happened to mention that I’m a sucker for inspirational quotes and shared with her my favorite quote as it illustrates exactly why I love arrows  <<An arrow can only be shot forward by being pulled back so when life is dragging you back with difficulties it is getting ready to launch you into something great>> 

The UPS man brought my gift today [ in a FedEx envelope, the irony of which made me smile (: ] One would never have guessed that she doesn’t know me! There was a Quotable Quotes magnet -- I already have a collection of these so it’s great to add to it -- and it said:

“live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live life as if this is all there is.”

- Mary Anne Radmacher

These words took my breath away for a minute. These are amazing, encouraging words to live by. I can’t wait to add this to my inspiration board so I can remind myself every morning of each day’s purpose. 

She also included a gift box with RGD stamped on the outside — Red Giraffe Designs, my favorite local jewelry maker. I already knew I would love whatever was inside. And did I ever! Inside was a long brass necklace with an arrow pendant. What’s especially fantastic is that Kate, of RGD, made me a custom arrow necklace when I started my company {called Launch} a year ago. I had been searching for a layering necklace to pair with my original and these two will go together perfectly.

This was such a fun activity to be involved with. It made me feel good to send some joy to, essentially, a stranger. My day was brightened when I received something so meaningful as well. It was a valuable reminder of how much impact a little act of kindness can have. She included a card that said “You are pure potential.” Talk about an impact. I have a lot of transitions personally and professionally going on in my life right now and whenever that happens, moments of self-doubt are bound to creep in, and they have. I’m keeping this card on my dresser for a while to remind myself -- I am pure potential. I have the potential to impact someone’s day by spreading a little kindness, and more joy. 

Chasing the dream

I've always been a dreamer, maybe to a fault..if that's a thing. {I would rather dream too much than not enough!} I can get caught up in my own daydreams of how I want things to be, how I envision my future to be. I try to stay grounded and realistic but I dream big. My dreams inspire my goals. My goals get me excited. When I really think about how amazing it will feel to achieve my goals, I can barely stand it. I get this feeling in my stomach. I feel a rush of adrenaline. I can't sleep at night.

I like living in that space, it makes me feel good, hopeful, optimistic. The other night in a Power Yoga practice, the instructor spoke about preparation. She mentioned that we tend to see people who have it all [or at least appear to] and think that things just fall perfectly into place for them. But in most situations it's not that they're lucky at all. It's that they prepare. They work everyday on bettering themselves, bettering their circumstance, working towards their goal. They set up their life so that when the next big thing happens, they're ready.

It's amazing how the universe puts you right where you need to be, when you need to be there. That message was incredible. I was meant to hear it. It spoke to my soul, spoke to where I am in life. This reminder was a necessary one. Daydreams are awesome, but they need an action plan. There's a journey to be had before we arrive at that destination. A scary journey. A challenging journey.

If you don't prepare, if you don't persevere, it's going to be a long, long path. And it probably won't lead you to where you want to go. It's easy to get anxious awaiting that extraordinary end goal. Some days I just don't feel motivated. Sometimes the task at hand is hard, it's overwhelming. Or it's just plain boring. There are times when it would be so incredibly easy to give up, to be complacent, to settle for the status quo, for the average, for the comfort zone. There are times when I feel discouraged or experience doubt. Some days it's just really hard to persevere.

It's these times where I realize that I'm spending too much time focusing on the action plan and living in reality and not enough time remembering the dream. When I reset and focus on the end goal, I get excited again. It's like a burst of energy. A renewed sense of purpose. Remembering the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing, remembering where this journey is taking me..that's what keeps me moving forward. My dream is what gives value to the hard work and preparation. My dream is what gives me the courage to recommit to the process every day.

At that same yoga practice, during shavasana, our instructor played Wild Horses {Wild horses I wanna be like you...throwing caution to the wind...} and I'm pretty sure both my best friend and I had tears streaming down our faces. We dream big. And then we're left to face fear and chase our dreams. We throw caution to the wind and hope we fly.

create your own peace.

I love pursuing enlightenment. Increasing my conscious awareness. I do this through a lot of reading, meditation and yoga. These practices enhance my understanding. The more I learn, the more I want to apply it to my life. The more I apply it to my life, the more I am called to share it with others. 

I am so deeply involved in my own desire-mapping, goal-planning and life-coaching because I really believe that the only way I can coach someone else through it is if I continue to go through the process. I need to continue to grow through the knowledge and experience of it. 

This afternoon was devoted to that. I completed my homework for my next life-coaching lesson. I re-evaluated my desire-map. I studied other’s teachings and experiences so that they could guide my own. I could have done this anywhere. But, I feel most inspired when I’m surrounded by nature. Today was a gorgeous day. I mean, if you could bottle up a day to keep forever, it would be today. And today’s perfect weather was begging to be experienced. 

So, I packed up my books and journals and headed out to my dock. I sat there and studied to the soundtrack of wind chimes, train whistles, leaves rustling, and a babbling fountain. The breeze was welcome, especially when it sprayed me with mist from the fountain. 

My current journey is a really exciting one. My process of discovery has helped me to create a clear vision for where I want need this path to lead. But this purposeful journey is also action packed. There is always room to push or challenge myself. There’s always a next thing to complete. It’s easy for me to get over-whelmed and feel hurried. 

I’d already allocated this afternoon to personal and professional development but it would have been so mundane to sit inside like I normally would have done. It would have felt so predictable and common and routine [read: boring.] I’m glad I listened to the call of the wild and headed outside. I got into a much clearer, peaceful state by doing so -- and I know that only increased the depth of today’s practice.  

Being present in nature, aware of and grateful for each movement, is so good for the soul. Today was a gentle reminder to find ways to break up the monotony of every day life. To create your own peace wherever you are, whenever you can. It’s within you -- listen to the call to tap into it. 

{Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.

It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.}

A summer love affair.

As I sit down to right this post, the breeze is blowing and I hear the rustle of the leaves and song of the wind chimes. I had to break out the long sleeves to sit on the patio today, the cool, crisp air an announcement that fall is here. 

I love fall. It’s not just the chill of the air and the comfy sweaters. I love the smells of country living in the fall; the changing of the leaves. Bonfires and hayrides. All things pumpkin. It’s just so cozy. 

But where did it come from? When did fall happen? When did summer end?

I was listening this morning to John Mayer’s “Something’s Missing” [because sometimes I just need to hear its lyrics.] One of the lines says, “When autumn comes, it doesn’t ask. It just walks in, where it left you last. You never know when it starts until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart.” I absolutely love that. This summer heart of mine..it’s sad today. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my summer romance.

My love affair with this summer began with my trip to California in July. I can’t really put into words how amazing of a visit this was. Quiet moments of solitude — moments to read, write and reflect. My days spent at the beach — my favorite place in the world to be. Morning coffees with my aunt — one of my favorite people in the world to talk to. Catching up with my friends there — strolling through a farmer’s market, having dinner, catching a show, taking a yoga class. Shopping or grabbing coffee. All simple pleasures of life but made into irreplaceable memories because of the company. My rest and relaxation was nicely balanced with having fun. Paddle boarding, boating in the Pacific, sky-diving, the adventures of making new friends. Letting my world intertwine with another’s, knowing that all paths cross for a reason, even if only briefly. It was insanely liberating to trust that and throw caution to the wind. It was an experience that taught me how it feels to follow your heart and do what makes you happy. To do what feels good and to have fun. It’s a lesson I hope to apply to my life moving forward, even though that perfect vacation by the water under the sun has ended. 

In August I was able to fly down to DC for a weekend to visit my original roomie. I flew in Saturday at noon and was gone by 8am Monday. It was the most amount of feel good vibes I’ve ever packed into such a short time span. It was good for the soul. She is one of my very best friends and it felt so good to be reunited. It had been over a year since we’d seen each other. {The best kind of friendships are the ones where you both make an effort to stay in touch over the distance. The kind of friendships where you pick up right where you left off.} We had heart-to-hearts and laughed so hard it hurt. We walked, we shopped, we walked some more. We explored Georgetown, checked out some of the touristy destinations and she showed me some of her favorite spots as a local. I experienced the event that is a DC brunch. [It started at 1pm Sunday and we were still going at 10pm Sunday!] It was such a tease, leaving us both wanting my trip to last longer but it was the perfect weekend refresher. 

And, finally, my weeklong getaway to North Carolina this past week. My mom and I drove down and rented a condo for a little mother-daughter retreat. I was really looking forward to this particular trip not only for time with my mom but also because my entire summer has been very fast-paced. I knew that this week my mom and I wouldn’t have anything to do but walk downstairs to the beach and sit there all day long. We woke up early each morning to catch the sunrise over the water and walk along the beach. I would drink my morning coffee on the balcony watching the surfers do their thing. {mesmerizing} Then we would make our way to the beach and just sun bathe all day. It was pretty hot so a dip in the water was incredibly refreshing. I napped. I read. But mainly I just sat there and listened to the waves crash and watched in awe the beauty of the ocean, trying to clear my head. I got used to starting my day with the sand between my toes, walking in the water. I got used to falling asleep to the sound of the surf.

This was the first summer being my own boss and it proved that the struggles of being an entrepreneur are worth the freedom it provides. When I wasn’t traveling, I had days where I could sit by the pool with friends. I practiced outdoor yoga. I had girl’s weekends. When others weren’t traveling, we got to catch up over happy hours or coffee. It was a summer of working hard, but playing harder.

I’m not ready to let go of summer but autumn is making us break up. So, summer, thank you. Thank you for being the happiest of my life. To quote Walt Whitman: “Summer romances…they’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they’re gone.” 

Stay.

I recently stumbled upon a quote that said "It's hard to turn to the next page when you already know your favorite character is going to vanish." It really struck me.

We all know people come into our lives for a reason. We learn something from them, we grow from our experiences with them. They may be here for awhile or quickly go, but either way, we are never the same. Either they will change your life, or you will change theirs. Maybe {hopefully} both. In my life I've met a lot of people who have helped me grow -- personally, spiritually, and professionally. I like to call them guides. Some have imparted wisdom. Some have made a conscious effort to teach me. Some have come and gone not even realizing the lessons they've taught me.

Some of my life lessons have definitely been disguised as struggles but I wouldn't change that. The times of adversity and the times when we experience the most discomfort are the times we change and grow the most. I was praying with a friend recently when she used the phrase "See the beauty in the struggle." I loved that. There is always beauty in the struggle. Even if we don't see it clearly at the time, it will become clear in the end. It is enough that we grew from the challenge and are a better person and in a better place because of it. That's beautiful in and of itself.

But sometimes there's even more beauty to recognize -- the ability we gain to let go of the person that put us in the position to learn that lesson. It is really hard to let go of someone who has been a part of your life. It takes time. It is really hard to accept that maybe they are one of these characters in your life story who has served their purpose and now must go. It feels terrible when that person goes before you've grasped the lesson they were sent here to teach you. But once you get there, to that point of clarity and awareness, it becomes much easier to let them go. Once you've achieved that, it kind of feels like being set free.

The guides in my life that have been positive influences have tended to stay around. I haven't really had to let them go. I keep connected with them because they inspire me, they keep me accountable. We continue to grow and learn together. These guides have consciously helped me. Those who have been my teachers without realizing it, they are the ones that have come and gone. And rightfully so. They've tended to be individuals who wouldn't be conducive to the happy, productive life I want to live. It would have been toxic to have them here for the long-haul. Even still, they are the ones most hard to let go of and say goodbye to. You just don't realize it at the time that they need to go. It's hard to understand while you're going through it. But, they need to leave. Whether you're ready for them to or not. That's the only way you can fully learn what they were sent to teach you.

But what's new for me is this: an excellent, positive, conscious guide that leaves before you're ready to turn the page. I recognize the beauty in this struggle. I recognize that this person came into my life just long enough to light a fire, to fill me to the brim with inspiration, to the point that I have no choice but to do something about it. That is awesome and I'm thankful for that. But I really am sad that they had to go so soon. Why couldn't they be here to see me through? To see the results of the positive way they've changed my life? To see the impact they've made? It doesn't make sense now, but hopefully it will someday. Someday I will understand. I want to move to the next page as this person inspired me to do. But, it's a little bittersweet because turning the page means letting go. I really hate that. I hate saying goodbye to one of my favorite characters. It's like the sad feeling you get when a really good book comes to an end.

Heart & Soul

I've written posts before about my CAMM girls -- my best friends from college. We're sisters in the purest, truest sense of the word. When I think about my girls, I'm always reminded of the quote from Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and The City when she says "Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with." It is honestly so true!

These girls have my heart, they're a part of my soul. My greatest blessing. They inspire me. They ground me. They accept me. And, most importantly, they make me LAUGH! 

laughin on the dock

We just got back from a weekend getaway to our friend's cabin on the quarry. We did nothing all weekend except relax and laugh. No cares, no schedule, no drama, no judgement. We consumed a lot of calories that didn't count and laughed until our faces hurt. We took photo after photo. We canoed and laid out on the floating dock. We laughed some more. We sat around in our pj's and played truth or truth and ate pizza and fell asleep at midnight. {Gone are the days of closing down the bars -- we've come full circle to middle school slumber parties!} After our hearty breakfast and coffee this morning, it was hard to hit the road back home. It was sad for such a wonderful, perfect weekend to come to an end.

The bond we share, how we can talk about everything and nothing, how we laugh and cry, the way we're there for one another. We make each other so happy, we understand, we're honest. Our group texts that get me through my days [they're pretty much the best iMessage thread you'll ever see in life]...all of these are reasons why I am certain I have the most amazing women in the world to call my best friends, my sisters, my soul mates. These women just literally have my heart and my only hope is that if any of us have daughters, they are blessed with a friendship as blissful as ours <3

Seek with Intention

"What you seek is seeking you."

~Rumi

My life in the two weeks since I've been back from California has been a dream. I have found clarity. I have found purpose. I have grown into a space that I didn't even know existed. 

I've always been an optimist; someone who can make the best of a situation. I've always been able to "bloom where I'm planted," as the saying goes. I'm just a happy person by nature. In the past year I've been free of a relationship, free of an employer. I immediately remove myself from situations that don't serve me. I immediately separate myself from toxic people. For these reasons, my life is pretty stress free. This life with my friends, my family, running my own business...it does make me happy. And I would be incredibly lucky for this life of mine to continue as it is. I am content existing in this world. 

But I seek to live; not exist. My West Coast inspired reflections have lit a fire within to seek a higher purpose. This renewed spark has caused me to live with greater intention. Intention. This is what has caused my life to change so much in the past two weeks. 

A couple months back I met with my life coach and in the middle of my ramblings about dreams that I had no clear action plan for, she could see that at least the wheels were turning. She said it felt like I was right on the cusp of something great. That I was at a major turning point if I just kept moving forward. Well, here I am. This is it. And it is so exciting I can't sleep at night. Honestly. 

See, in all of my thoughts over this last month of summer, I realized that I had grown complacent with where I was, probably because I did feel so happy. But I'm a whole new person compared to who I was last June. I truly feel like I have a second chance at life. I know that seems dramatic since I never was in a life-threatening situation but it's how I really feel. The simplest way to describe it is that I feel like I'm 25 all over again. Too young to be complacent with the rest of my life. That realization is all that it took. 

My heart, my sub-conscious, my soul -- they all took over from there. I'm living with the simple intention that I want something more and {what do you know} I'm getting just that. Things have been happening in my life these past two weeks that are a part of some bigger, better plan. Everything is aligning and my higher purpose is coming into view. And I haven't had to do a thing but be open to it. It's amazing how that works. 

Free Falling

I went to write my reflections from my recent annual trip to California [I've come out every summer since the 6 years I've moved back to Ohio], and found my notes from an entry I wrote on the plane out to LA a couple weeks ago. I somehow forgot to publish it, I guess.

Here's an excerpt: "It’s been almost a year since my last trip out to LA and I am so excited to be back. Even though I was born & raised in Columbus, visiting California truly feels like coming home. It’s nostalgic for me. It’s getting to travel back in time to a place in my life that was the best. It’s the only time during the year when my world stops spinning. I can freely be myself. I have no restrictions or responsibilities...I have a feeling these 2 weeks will be two of the best of my year."

It's uncanny how right I was. I can freely be myself.

If there's one way to describe the past two weeks, it is that: FREE.

Free. Happy. Fearless. Fun.
What a way to live. So incredibly exhilarating.

I felt free. My actions were free. I was just in each and every moment. I didn’t care what would happen the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week. I wanted to live every single moment to the fullest. There was no thought but feeling good, feeling happy, feeling free. My only intentions were to live life and have no regrets.

I crossed things off my bucket list {sky-diving!} tried new things {paddle boarding! thai food!} I even did things I hadn't known were on my bucket list until after all was said & done. You know it's a good time when you cross things off your list faster than you can put them on!

Each & every visit to LA marks the best time of my year. Obviously, it's nice to hang out at the beach during the day when my friends are at work and not have so many responsibilities -- although for the record, as a business owner, I DID work while I was there. But ultimately, it's not a vacation for me, it's a state of mind. One that I've missed.

The thing that was different about my trip this year compared to previous years was my headspace. Several years ago when I had just moved back to Ohio and would visit LA, I made excuses for not moving back out [it was too expensive to keep moving back and forth across the country; I needed to give my life in Ohio a chance to work out, etc. etc.] And then I was in a relationship for a couple years and didn't want to leave. This last year after my break-up, I needed to be home. It was a year of growth and challenges for me. But now, I am where I am for a reason. I have a new lease on life. I truly feel like I have a second chance. This made me see things so much clearer this time around. These little whispers I've been hearing for the past 6 years...they've gotten louder. They can no longer be ignored. I finally know, realize, accept what perhaps others have been able to sense all along. I'm a California girl. I belong there. I belong where I feel free.

It Takes a Village

When I started my blog a year ago, I did so for my love of writing. I did so as a way to express my thoughts & feelings. It truly is a therapy for me. My creative release. My writing is not only retrospective and a way to connect more deeply with myself, but it is also a way to offer some perspective to my readers.

When I started off, I didn't know how many people my blog would reach. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on its readers. I just hoped that it would inspire others in some small way.  We all lead our own lives, walk our own paths, write our own stories. I wanted to share my story so that I could be a part of my readers' journeys. I wanted to give a reminder that, while some of the specific details will change, we all go through a lot of similar challenges and joys in life.

What I did not expect is how many people would share in my journey with me. I've learned there are people who read my blog not necessarily as an inspiration for wherever they are in their journey, but as a way to support me in mine. That's a really good feeling.

Over the past few days, I've had a few people, all very dear to me, share something with me that I need to pass along to my readers. Empowering one another and learning from one another is a collaborative effort...I love that this blog has become a way to do that. I love that people think of sharing with others. We're all in this together.

First, someone shared this article with me. It's about the ambiguity that exists in dating these days, mostly due to a lack of clear communication. Someone doesn't want to clarify what it is they are looking for in a relationship or someone doesn't communicate how they feel towards another as a way to protect and guard their emotions. I can relate to that. Past experiences teach you to have a guard up. It's tough to put yourself out there completely. And when both people aren't being fully open and honest, it leads to a lot of second guessing, a lot of over-analyzing and a lot of insecurity. The article is a great read, and full of insight into relationships.

A few quotes I've been turing over in my mind lately: "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone" and "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I feel confident and comfortable being single so I'm not going to give that up for just anyone. That's why the timing for my friend sharing this article with me was perfect. It sheds light on recognizing the emotionally unavailable. This friend ended her note to me with "The clarity and self confidence you gain as you learn to recognize and walk away from the 'emotionally unavailable' only happen when you are able to truly embrace yourself." It was such a positive affirmation. Our journey with ourselves is to gain clarity and self confidence. To love & embrace yourself first. It does give us the confidence to stand alone until we can recognize those qualities in another person. It meant the world to me that my friend understood and supported that concept, and felt it important to share with me & my readers.

Along those same lines, I stumbled upon this song recently.  Besides the fact that her voice is amazing, the lyrics are incredible and spoke straight to my heart. I shared it with my friends. In response, my AKS sent me a link to this video. She's my rock and knows how I feel and what I need to hear. It was such a wonderful reminder of the cheerleaders I have on my side. Another reminder that we're all in this together and that sharing in one another's journeys is reciprocal.

And lastly, my cousin (we were more like sisters growing up!) shared with me the book she's been reading. Having read my last blog post, she said it would definitely be right up my alley. The book is called "The Truth of Everything" by Brianna Wiest. My cousin has sent me a few excerpts and I have already ordered my copy - it's one of those well-written books where the words just hit you. You feel them in your heart. I can't wait to read it cover to cover. It speaks to the process of my own journey, and I think it will do the same for my readers. I'm including below text from the chapter Things Happy People Know. 

©Thought Catalog 2014

Thank you for sharing in my journey and thank you for allowing me to share in yours.

100 Happy Days

As I sat down to write, the only thought {feeling} that came to mind was happiness. Even with all that's been going on in my life this summer, all I can really focus on is how happy I am. The only constant through it all has been positivity.

A couple of months ago I joined an online community challenge of posting one picture per day for 100 days. The picture had to be something that made you happy that day. When you sign up, you are told that 71% of people quit before they get to the 100th day. BUT, those people who completed the full 100 day challenge reported: being more observant of what made them happy each day, being in a better mood every day, receiving more compliments, being more optimistic, becoming more aware of how lucky they are and falling in love during the 100 days.

I started the 100 happy day project a couple months after I started my gratitude project. My gratitude project is simple: each evening, I write down 5 things about that day that I am especially grateful for. I've always been someone who is very appreciative and thankful for the blessings in my life. But it's easy to say a prayer of thanks for the obvious blessings in our lives. My gratitude project has made me become more aware of the little things that happen in daily life that make me feel happy and put a smile on my face.

I truly believe that the reason for my recent increase of not just feeling happy but also the realization that I am feeling happy, is because of my gratitude project and my 100 happy days project. {In addition to the results of the 100 happy day challenge mentioned above, practicing gratitude has been shown to increase happiness levels by 25%} Both of these projects have made my happiness deeper and more meaningful. I now notice the little things throughout the day. In these moments I am fully present, unaware of the passing time. I am only aware that I feel good. There are so many small opportunities throughout the day that have the ability to add some positivity to our daily experiences, if we only notice. All of these small things add up to one big, really great day.

I am a bit restless with where I am in life at this exact moment [more on that in a later post] but even when my mind wanders to all of the worries and what-ifs and if-onlys, I catch myself. Thoughts that used to bring me down no longer have the power to do so. A worrisome thought doesn't last long in my mind. I immediately overcome it with positive vibes and I think to myself "But I'm just so happy!" I don't care about what isn't perfect, or what could go wrong. It doesn't matter because I'm happy. It is amazing to not feel stress..there is a freedom in that. The contentment, the inner peace. My happiness allows me to be here now, to surrender to whatever will be.

Even if you don't commit to the 100 happy days challenge or don't start your own gratitude project, I urge you to try to take notice of the little moments in your daily lives. The simple joys that warm your heart. I have probably never had more uncertainty in my life than I do right now and yet I couldn't be happier.

For more on the 100 Happy Days challenge or How gratitude can change your life, 

visit these sites: http://100happydays.com and http://www.thechangeblog.com/gratitude/

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

The last few nights I haven't been able to get my mind to stop racing. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and can't seem to fall asleep. Since being free of my last relationship and leaving a miserable job, my life has been pretty stress-free so it's probably more anxiety than stress...the anticipation of all of the irons I have in the fire lately. I have my yoga and my writing that help keep me focused and grounded but even these therapies and meditations haven't been able to get me to relax at night this week.

So, last night as I was trying to fall asleep, instead of thinking about all of the things going on in my life [worrying about them at 12 o clock at night isn't going to solve anything], I tried to focus on the "Be Here Now" mantra. I reflected on where I am right now in my life and tried to look at what I might be missing when I only focus on where these things are taking me in the future. 

I was with my best girlfriends last night and, as we always do, we went around the table and talked about what's new in our lives. Most of them have things going on. They are actively doing what they need to do to get to the next step or they know what the next step is and they're preparing themselves to take action to get to that point. I can't say that I feel like I'm in the same place. I have long-term goals [that's one of the things I'm working on through my life coaching & life transformation project] and I'm always working on putting the next thing in motion but at the same time, all of these things are going to take their slow, sweet time to come to fruition.

Life is made up of ebbs and flows. It's almost like a hurry up and wait process. Well, I feel like I am in one of the waiting stages. This might be where some of the stress or anxiety is coming from -- I am not the most patient person. I feel the root of every challenge I've faced has been God's way of trying to teach me patience. Living in the moment and not being too eager to get to the next thing before I've enjoyed the present is not something that comes easily to me.

I've written in my blogs before that embracing the moment and "being here now" are practices that I want to master and live by. It's an ongoing process. It's a habit. It's like exercise, you have to constantly do it and work at it. You don't just get to your PR for your pace or your weight and then stop. You have to keep doing it. This mindset of being here now is the same way.

Last night I reminded myself to enjoy the moment. To not feel directionless just because day to day things don't seem to change. In 10 years, I'm going to look back on my life at 29 and smile {and miss it!} because it will probably be the one time where my daily life was made up of doing work I love, for myself & on my own time, hanging out with my friends and taking care of my body. Sure, I have bills and things that I need to check off my life-to-do list in the next 6 months. But even with those responsibilities, it's just me that I have to worry about and take care of. I don't have a household depending on me or a boss to answer to. If I want to write a blog post at 9am, I can. If I want to wake up and work out and not start work till 11am, I can. If I want to break in my day for an hour coffee date with a friend, I can. If I want to be busy every night of the week with different girlfriends, I can. If I want to spend a Saturday night at home, relaxed & comfortable on my couch, I can. I have a pretty great life. One that I love and that I get to spend with people I love. I can't be anxious about getting so quickly to the next thing. Quality versus quantity. I need to enjoy my quality of life and understand that just because it may sometimes seem like I'm wandering and not really getting anywhere, I'm not really lost at all. 

Climbing Your Mountain

I had a great one on one coaching session with Julie, my life coach, today. I was reminded of the importance of "not going it alone." For the past couple of weeks, I've seemed to go through everything in life a little ho-hum, just accepting the status quo, which isn't exciting for me at all. After talking with Julie about changes in my life since our last meeting, she brought fresh perspective to where I am. We talked about how to use where I am now in certain aspects of my life as stepping stones. We talked about how I want to use these stepping stones and where I want them to take me. In reality, all experiences in life are stepping stones and life coaching is there to help us figure out how to use them, I guess I had just lost sight of that for a brief moment. This coaching session was just what I needed today to reenergize. I left feeling very excited and motivated, with a reset focus on purpose, plans and goals.

In life coaching and in her studio, Julie focuses on The 7 Life Miracles. There was one in particular that themed my life this week: Climb -- Conquer your mountains. May was crazy busy for me and I did not stay as committed to my workouts as I prefer to. When June came about, I knew I had to get back into the workout routine. This habit of not working out regularly does not serve me. I need to stick to my routine for me, because working out keeps me healthy and it makes me feel good. For June, I also had some extrinsic motivation as well, including my California vacation coming up next month! [Gotta get bikini ready ;)]

So, this week I hit the ground running, literally. I ran almost every morning. The days I ran, I also lifted and did my ab work. The days I didn't run, I did Pilates or Yoga. Because it had been a month since I had exercised almost every day of the week, this was definitely a challenge.  There were moments when I literally felt like I was climbing a mountain. I had to stay focused on that goal of attaining what was there at the top. I had to encourage myself to push through. Julie taught my Pilates classes and was an amazing leader, keeping me motivated to power through. The rewards are so worth it, though. Feeling your body push itself and attain higher levels of fitness is a great feeling and makes the effort exerted worthwhile.

Julie & I talked in our session today about how it seems as if there a lot of things in the works in my life right now that all could lead to something great. It's like I am right at the cusp, at the turning point. If I put a few more things in motion, or let some things play out, I'll find myself reaching the top of that mountain. It's uplifting to see months and months of work and action finally start to take shape and lead to some of my long-term goals.

We also talked about how we mustn't stop climbing just when we think we've reached the top. For me, I may attain a business or personal goal, but that may only be temporary. Maybe that business success will lead to a future goal. Or maybe my business will face adversity that will propel me into something bigger & better that I otherwise would have never reached for. Maybe a relationship won't last forever. But all of our mountains are there to teach us something, and they are there for us when we need it most in our lives.

Climb. Have fun and enjoy the journey. Have 20 seconds of insane courage and something great will come of it. Risk leads to reward. Reach towards your goal. Conquer your mountain.

One Day at a Time

May was a busy month -- as it always is.

May starts off with my birthday :) Then, spring turns into summer and suddenly it's a race to get to this event, or that patio happy hour. Business picks up as people get a refreshed energy boost...all wonderful, amazing happenings that just seem to sneak up on me every year. Before I know it, May is over and I have a month full of amazing memories to carry with me.

My birthday this year came with a lot of pressure -- it's my last year in my twenties! I feel as if I have to go out with a bang and squeeze every last drop out of 29! I want 29 to just be FUN!

I decided to take the risk in committing to the dating game. That never seemed fun to me before, and doesn't really coincide with my plan to wait for some Heaven-sent guy to cross my path. But, I decided to give myself the summer to put myself out there and be more willing and open to meet different guys. This doesn't quite come naturally to me. I was never a serial dater in the past. I've had one serious relationship. If I don't feel an instant connection or if I can't see you in my future, I check out. I view it as a waste of time. I don't typically date to date, I date for a long-term purpose or goal. So this new concept has been hard for me.

I was a little concerned that I was biting off more than I could chew. I'm someone who values my time, especially my downtime. I can't run myself too thin going from one thing to the next constantly. There's an anxiety that comes with adding dates to my calendar, on top of client meetings, workouts and happy hours with girlfriends. I'm a month in and I've met a lot of wonderful guys although, to be honest, it is a bit draining. It's fun and a great way to meet nice people. But the waiting game of seeing where it goes or even knowing where I want it to go is the hard and exhausting part for me.

Even if I don't find my person that carries me off into the sunset to live happily ever after, I am at least hoping for great stories to share here on The Single Girl Project. But, I'm determined to just persevere and take it one day at a time. Summertime is meant to be busy and, most importantly, fun! Here's hoping!

Stories

We all have a story of how we got to where we are. The stories of our lives. There are songs about it ("The Story" by Brandi Carlile) and there are books about it (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller -- one of my very favorite books, one I can read over & over, one I highly recommend you check out). I love listening to people's stories. It provides so much insight into who they are, and why. I seem to always learn something not only about them, but about life and people, too. I usually have "A-ha!" moments as I'm learning about someone's journey that makes me think about it in the context of my own life. I also typically find that we have more in common than would meet the eye.

The problem is: not a lot of people share their stories. And, not a lot of people revisit their stories. {Or maybe that's just my perception.} Everyone talks about their bucket list, or their 30 before 30 list [or something], but the conversation topic is not often "What I have done." So many of our social interactions in this day in age are on the surface. We accept people at face value for who they are. I want to know why they are the way they are. I want to know who and what made someone the way they are today. 

I'm all for bucket lists and whatnot; I'm actually creating mine right now. I love dreaming big…it opens a world of exciting possibilities! It literally makes me happy just thinking about all of the amazing things I have yet to experience in my life, if I am so blessed to be given that time here on Earth. And, I don't think people should necessarily live in the past and dwell on the things they used to do, or once did, or regret not doing at the time. BUT, I do think we should give ourselves credit. For every item on our things to do before 30 list, I'm sure there is one that we have already done that makes us who we are today. 

 I love to reminisce. It keeps things fresh. When I take the time to remember who I was at a particular moment of my story, it makes that part of me become alive again. My family & I love to tell stories. We'll talk about my childhood, or my Dad & his brother will tell stories of our family and our little, small town. My Grandma will tell stories of her life: growing up in a small town with all of her siblings, when she was a working mother of a young family, of her memories of days spent with her grandkids. I would say this happens often, probably weekly. And I love it. It's good to remember where you came from and not always focus just on where you are. 

My Grandparents on my Dad's side are now gone and I think of them often. There are a lot of little things that remind me of them. My Mom calls me "Little Betty" on an almost daily basis and we laugh, because there's a lot of my Grandma in me. And even though they often come to mind, I still like to visit them at the cemetery from time to time, as I did recently. I remember thinking when they passed that I didn't know a world without them. And then somehow you get used to this world without them in it. You get used to them being more of a memory than anything. And that's kind of how we are with moments in our life. We get used to them being a memory. We may call them to mind from time to time but that's it. They are no longer alive. That's why I still visit my grandparent's grave -- it makes me do more than just think about them, it takes me back to when they were still alive. It renews my connection with them. The same goes for looking back on memories. When my family & I tell stories of my childhood, it makes me reconnect with that little girl and reminds me to keep her alive as I go through life. It reminds me to live life looking through her eyes a little more often…the sheer delight at the simplest things. 

I was reminiscing with a friend yesterday about when I got the call offering me my first job after college. It was less than a month before graduation and I knew I was moving to California but I hadn't secured a job yet. I remember hanging up the phone and just being on cloud 9. I remember the PURE excitement (and relief!) of knowing I had this job, and this new life awaiting me. Looking back, I was 22, living in this new city and working this new job and all I can remember being is happy & carefree. {I think as we get older, it gets harder and harder to remain carefree.} I get used to that particular life story, I get used to it being in my past, a memory. But the importance of reminiscing is that it reminds me to try to live with that carefree spirit, even when my life doesn't seem to be made up of the new and exciting or when life has taught me to be a little more cautious or skeptical.

One day, I will want to pass these stories down to my kids. Tell them about how their grandparents grew up, or stories from their great-grandparents childhood, stories from my childhood. Tell them the history of my life experiences and how it led me to where I am in that moment. I want to keep the memories, the people, the experiences alive. I want my past and the past of my family to be alive inside me so that people don't just think I am who I am because I am. I didn't just show up like this, and neither did anyone else. I want others to know, and relate to, why I am who I am. Who influenced that. And I want to learn the same things about them. I love to share stories.  I love to remember stories. I love to CREATE stories. 

The Single Guy Project?

Okay, so you all know from reading this blog that the Single Girl Project started as way to find myself again. At the start of this project, almost a year ago, I had become almost unrecognizable. Some Meghanisms were still there but they were a bit suppressed and lost. And some pieces of me I had let deteriorate completely. It's been an amazing experience getting to know myself again. I feel so happy and healthy - in mind and in body. It feels so good to be back. I know myself better than ever before and I'm confident in who I am, what I can offer and what I deserve. The lessons learned during a two year relationship and painful breakup have taught me to not just be the best version of myself, but to be a better friend and a better partner...a better human being in general.

Best of all, those lessons taught me what hard work it is to learn more about yourself. It's an investment and it's a challenge. It comes with adversity and set backs. But those experiences make it mean so much more when you get to where I am now. It's one thing to discover more about yourself as you live your way through life's lessons. It's another to fully appreciate the darkness that you walked through. If this knowledge were just handed to me, it would be so easy to let go of it and forget (like the first go 'round). But this time, I earned it. And that means I am going to hold onto who I am with a fierce, protective grip. Now that I have put in the emotionally exhausting work of discovering myself again, I will never again let it be compromised or sacrificed. I am so thankful for the journey that got me to where I am today. I wouldn't change one thing about the last three years of my life because it made me who I am today. But I only want to go through it once. Keep moving forward.

From here on out, if something [or someone] doesn't serve me or make me happy, it has no room in my life. I admit, that is a hard, fine line to follow. Relationships take work, sacrifice and compromise. As human beings, we are (or at least should be) constantly evolving and changing, just hopefully for the better. And that is what I want. If someone is going to influence my life in a way that changes who I am, let it be for the better or let it be not at all. And if I stumble upon some man who seems like a nice enough guy, but for whatever reason we just don't click on some level, I'm gonna let that man go. There is someone else out there who he will make happier than he will make me. I don't need a male companion so desperately that I will sacrifice who I am to achieve it. {For what it's worth, I didn't think I did that the first time around, but now I know enough to recognize it if this starts to happen in the future.}

Which brings me to The Single Guy Project, or apparent lack-thereof. Based on inadvertent field research over the past few months, I have determined that not enough -single- men out there (any?) work on themselves at all. It's very exasperating. Let me provide you with some examples.

Male A, 33 -  When I couldn't take his call because I was busy with a going away party and a holiday party one night with friends, "I can allow you to be busy with work and family but I don't want to be blown off for parties with friends." [For the record, we had talked on the phone once or twice and not yet met in person - we never did.]

Male B, 38 - When I declined a dinner date (because he was 38 and used cheesy pick up lines on not just me, but ALL of my friends), "It's a free meal."

Male C, 36 - While trying to impress me during our initial meeting, "I paid extra to park my car in front of Hyde Park."

This is why I don't date. I mean, come on. Please tell me that you have something more to sell yourself on than money. I don't care that you can pay for my dinner, I don't need that. I also couldn't care less where you parked your car. I am actually the opposite of impressed that you PAID MONEY to park it where everyone can see it. I would hope that candidates pushing 40 would have more substance to offer than this. Maybe sell yourself on your personality, your conversational skills, your interest in worldly topics...something other than a dinner partner that will take care of the bill.

I need a man who has some good life experiences through which he has learned about himself. I need a man that has made a project out of getting to know who he is so well that he won't lose himself. I need this because my therapist told me (and I listened) that I can't make someone else my project. They need to be their own project. An individual can change, evolve and fix themselves, no one else. We are all really a work in progress, I just need a man that realizes this. If he knows who he is and what he is worth, he will recognize the same in me.

I, of course, want a man who shares my same interests and has a compatible personality. But I also really need someone with some depth, a man that I can relate to. A man who understands me because he has not only experienced but appreciated his own life journey. A man who has seized the opportunity to learn life lessons. Instead, I have thus far bumped into men who seemingly view women as something to win over with money or sex appeal. That works for some women I'm sure but if a man wants a woman like that, then I don't want him and any efforts to win me over will be wasted.

I am an eternal optimist. I see hope in every situation. So I'm going to wait for the right man, the one who values my Single Girl Project and who has hopefully endured his own version. I would much rather be amazingly happy and single, doing my own thing and living {and loving!} my life than only mildly happy with a man who has nothing interesting to talk about over dinner at a fancy restaurant, just so I have someone to pick up the tab. Besides, my friends make much better dinner partners than that! :)

Miracle Retreat

Today the winners of the Life Transformation contest & studio instructors participated in The 7 Life Miracles retreat with Julie Wilkes & Seven Studios. The 7 Life Miracles retreat is based off of Julie's new book of the same name (check it out on Amazon!)  I am currently in the middle of reading the book and, while it would be amazing to read at anytime, it coincides perfectly with the 6 month Life Transformation project.

Our group today was the first to experience the retreat but it will become something offered by the studio. I feel so honored to be one of the first to be involved in this powerful retreat and I am here to tell you that it is something you should take advantage of if you are able. It takes her book and teaches the lessons throughout the day through discussion and activities. I want to briefly share what we went through today because it was so motivating and inspiring and I feel a renewed passion for life. It was amazing. I feel compelled to share this positive day with you so that there may be a ripple affect but I want to also suggest reading the book and doing the retreat yourself because you will get even more out of it.

We talked about embracing life, living in the moment, seizing the day. What do we dream of doing? What is stopping us? What can we do about it? The perfect scenario is this very moment!

We talked about connecting. We have people and moments in life that teach us lessons. They either inspired us or their adversity led us to something greater. Connect in that, express your gratitude, see the lesson. The cool thing is that one day you will be able to pay that forward. You will be someone's coach, maybe without even realizing it. One exercise encouraged us to think about a person who served as a coach at some point in our lives. To really ponder on how pivotal those moments were and what an impact that person made was so powerful. We each wrote thank you notes to our person. Most of us, including myself, were practically sobbing through this. To put your thoughts and gratitude in words was so meaningful.

We talked about creating the life we want to live. This was a really cool topic for me because I am currently creating, planning and working through so many of my goals in the life-coaching aspect of the life transformation project. Really creating goals in a way that encourages action and in a way that can be measured takes time and a lot of writing. In the retreat, we did goal painting. We envisioned the life we wanted for ourselves and portrayed that as a painting. I chose a color to represent different aspects I want to see as a part of my life (to be surrounded by only people & things that add positive energy to my life, to be of healthy mind & body, to continue to learn & grow personally, to achieve professional growth & success, to travel & explore, to pursue passions & adventures) and applied it to canvas. So therapeutic and one of my favorite things. [photo below!]

We talked about empowerment. The fact that happiness is not the end result of something else. You choose to be happy and we discussed a challenge to make that a habit. The challenge is to, everyday for 30 days, experience one of four things: be inspired, get out of your comfort zone, learn new things, take time to relax & restore your body. I will talk about this more in a future blog post as I will be embarking on this challenge as a part of my continued life transformation.

We talked about choice. We choose our path. We choose if we want to change our story. We choose if we want to let go of our burdens or let them weigh us down. We choose if we need to change our mindset or our direction.

We talked about climbing and conquering our mountains. Our mountains should not be viewed as punishments. They are are there to show us something. We learn strength from our challenges and we learn to keep moving forward. When we strive to raise the bar and reach for something higher and higher, we will stumble. But there is no such thing as failure. Failure is life trying to move you in another direction. Our activity here was stair steps for what I think was two minutes but what seemed like much longer. When it seemed we were at our capacity, Julie asked us to think of something we really want and just envision that right in front of us. I stepped faster, I pushed through the burn in my thighs. Really picturing your goal right there and attainable truly made it easier for me to power through to reach it. It was one of those "If you can think it, you can do it" moments. Focus on why you can achieve something and not the reasons why you can't do it.

We talked about inspiration. We heard about an ancient Egyptian concept that when you die, you are asked two questions to get into Heaven: "Did you find joy in your life?" and "Did your life bring joy to someone else?" These are amazing questions to live by and I am so happy to have learned of this concept. We should strive to live so that we can answer "Yes" to these two questions. Be your own light, and be the light in someone else's darkness. We did an exercise to bring light to others and now we each have a piece of paper filled with 8 comments from the other members saying wonderful words about ourselves and how we have inspired them. It is really heartwarming.

This day was so amazing and such a wonderful investment of time. I am so blessed to have met these fabulous, positive people and share in this with them. Julie filled our retreat with inspiration and I am so glad I could share a little bit of our day with you!

Reaching for your goals

Part of my 6-month journey of transforming my life involves life-coaching, which is right up my alley. I loved what I got out of my experience with counseling (which works on your past and why you are where you are) so it only seems natural that once I figured that out, I would look to the future. You have to keep growing. 

In my life coaching sessions, we discussed five goals that I want to reach in 2014. This life coaching has been so eye-opening because ordinarily I wouldn't know how to break these down. For instance, my goal of living on my own. I know that isn't something I'm going to entertain until at least the 2nd part of this year. So, I would have put that on the back burner. Now I know that everything can get smaller and smaller. My coach has given me exercises to break that down so that I can be doing something today, that will help be get there in 6 months.

It's such a brilliant concept. Breaking things down into little baby steps gradually takes you to the place you want to be but it just seems much more manageable. There are more opportunities for achievement as well. Instead of one giant hurdle every so often, I can experience little victories every day. This only fuels my desire and commitment to reaching my goal. I've almost become obsessed with it. I started with 5 major goals but I've ended up with several smaller goals. Anything I want to change or add to my life, I just make it a goal. With this method of breaking it down and asking questions, I know I can make any goal attainable. 

For example, one of my goals for this year was to travel. Once a quarter I want to travel, either on a legitimate vacation or at least a weekend getaway. So I made plans to go visit my cousins in Nashville this coming weekend. Goal met, right? No. Through a coaching session I realized that my goal can't be to just travel. If that were the case I would have met my goal the second I step off the airplane and that's no fun. My coach asked me to reflect on what my goals were for this trip. What did I want to experience while I was there? What needed to happen to make this the trip? 

Well, no matter where I was traveling to, my answer would be relatively the same. Nashville is not a new city, I've been there multiple times. But anywhere I travel, I want to see it through fresh eyes. I want to experience the culture. The hidden gems. I want to learn something about it and I want to make my mark on it. I want to become a part of that city. Part of the allure of traveling is the anonymity of it. I love being in a city where no one knows you, no one knows your there. It makes it truly care free. There's an exhilarating freedom about that. My specific goal for Nashville is that I have to see live music, which won't be hard at all. I love the culture of that city, I love the music scene and I can't wait to be a part of it. My other goal is to really notice how I act in that environment. Maybe learn a few things about how I live when I have nothing to lose. Try to see if I can bring a little bit of that back to my city, experience this city like I would if I didn't live here.

Take any goal, especially one that seems unattainable or far off in the distance, and ask questions about it. I start by asking "How?" or "Why?" or "What will this scenario look like when it is reached?" Then you start figuring out how you are going to get there. Where do you need to start? When you figure out the little things you can do now, each day or each week, you'll see progress leading you to that goal. Sometimes, this part of breaking it down is the hardest. I've been stuck on my relationship goal for a few weeks. I just haven't touched it. I'm supposed to be asking myself questions and creating an action plan but I don't know yet what the baby-step goals are. So this week my goal is to figure out that Relationship goal (haha!) and I'll be writing more later on what it is and how it plays a role in The Single Girl Project. 

A Balancing Act

I have been thinking the past few weeks about living a balanced life. It is something I always strive to do, and something a lot of friends and colleagues are always trying to do. I have had more than enough examples in the recent past of the complications that come when one tries to live a balanced life. I am sure I'm not the only person who ever wonders "Is it really attainable?" Sometimes it seems we are all chasing after this illusion…working towards this goal of reaching balance that will never be realized. 

For me, my life revolves around work, family, friends, working out, hobbies and "me" time - where I just have quiet time to read or be alone. These are the things that make up my life, and they all come with certain demands. And they all, combined, run me ragged. I mean that in the best of ways. How boring and dull would life be if we removed all of the positive things that keep us busy? 

In yoga, for our body to be in balance, we need a strong core. The same is true in life. For our life to feel balanced, our center core must be strong. The ups and downs of daily life, the weeks where we feel like we're treading water…those moments are just exercising our inner core, our center soul. And, just like our body in yoga, our inner core should always be changing, always improving. Maybe this is why it feels like we're always running towards a peaceful balance without ever seeming to arrive. Maybe it's because we aren't supposed to ever truly arrive. The challenges strengthen us and the experiences teach us. If we were to get to this place where we are done and we feel that we've achieved a final completeness, then what would we have left to drive us?

I've written in the past about living in the moment, and experiencing the motions rather than just going through them as a means to get to the next one. To me, being in the moment means truly living and feeling life. It does offer an inner peace that we can carry with us through each minute of every day. But it takes practice to achieve this. Everyday we have to TRY at this. It is a lesson that is also never fully learned, at least in my opinion. If it came naturally, everyone would walk around in their own peace-emitting bubble. So it is something we have to strive for and I think we realize that because our inner core, our souls, recognize this feeling and yearn for it. That's why so many people out there join in the race to achieve this inner peace. 

I feel SO much inner peace these days. I've had the most extremely happy moments in my life before…every stage of my life I've had things to be happy about. But the happiness stemmed from some external influence. Where I lived, my job or friends, my significant other, etc. This is the first time I can recall being so happy on the inside, no matter the outside influences. It is quite powerful to realize the simplicity that comes along with being happy with only yourself. When you realize you are all you need and everything else just gets to come along for the ride…it is a wonderful sense of freedom.

But inner peace does not equal balance. They are associated with one another so for the longest time it seemed if you experienced inner peace, you would also feel balance in your life. This isn't necessarily true which is a concept I am just realizing. I can feel inner joy and I can have all of the parts of my life (work, people, activities, etc) out of control and over-stimulating, all at the same time. Or there are days when the complete opposite is true and, for whatever reason, your inner joy is a little subdued and you have a quiet schedule where you feel you are in control of your day. Or you may be really, really happy and feel in control of all the areas in your life. But you may or may not feel balanced in any of these situations. I've realized this is due to that inner core. The "me" time and taking care of yourself. If I have a busy day, the first thing to get pushed back to another day is my quiet time or my workout session. I think this is because every other part of the day someone else is depending on you and you can't let them down. But, you can't let you down, either! YOU are dependent on you. That has been the whole goal of my recent journey -- learning to be the best, healthiest me so that I can offer that version out to the world. You get back what you put out so I want that to be at its best. 

I've made more of a point to do whatever it takes to get my workout and my quiet time in. Whether it means getting up a little earlier or moving the rest of my schedule around so these parts of my day are accommodated. That isn't always easy to accomplish, but it is necessary. I have it scheduled in my day just like I would schedule a meeting with a client and everything else needs to fall into place around that. It's like the story about filling a jar with the big rocks, the little pebbles and the sand. {Check that story out here if you aren't familiar} 

At the end of the day, a lot of us are in the same boat. We feel like a duck paddling our feet like crazy under water while on the surface everything is running smoothly. Things come across our desk and our to-do list gets longer, and when Friday finally arrives we feel like we didn't accomplish a whole lot because our task list is longer than it was on Monday. It is mentally exhausting, actually. Most days I end with the thought "I just want to be caught up." But I don't know if we'll ever catch up. There will always be something more to do. And not just with work, but the good stuff, too. My list of fun things I want to accomplish in life will never be complete. It's okay if things get pushed till tomorrow. They'll still be there. The world won't end. Take care of yourself first. Learn the lessons your busy, out-of-control life is trying to teach you. Learn to recognize what being in balance feels like to you and take note of how you attained that. Keep practicing that. Eventually you will get to the point where you can handle beautifully the moments when life gets in the way of your to-do list. You will come to appreciate those moments, because they are teaching moments. They won't shake you anymore because your inner core is strong. Shift your perception that once you reach balance in your life, it's yours to keep. Your balancing act will never be complete. Once you've worked to attain balance, you will have to work to keep it. It's a journey, not a destination. Don't just chase after it, enjoy the run of getting there.