Help me remember

You know how sometimes in life you're just going through the motions -- not much is changing and you're just kind of...hanging out? And then there are times in life when you're surrounded by constant changes and you're just trying to maneuver the transition smoothly. You ride an excellent wave for awhile and then you hit some turbulence. Which I don't mind at all. C'est la vie. The ebb and flow of life. The turbulence is where life happens and when you discover what you're made of. I love coming out on the other side of that adversity. {and I'm pretty sure maneuvering any transition perfectly and smoothly is near impossible}

I am definitely going through one of those "transition" periods in my life right now. I try to focus on how exciting and promising it is and not on how exhausting or stressful it is. I use personal development methods to help me maneuver through change and to discover where I want my new paths to lead. I'm very independent and a bit on the introverted side so this level of solitude and personal discovery comes naturally to me. 

However, I was reminded this week how important it is to rely on your tribe from time to time. I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends to turn to and talk with. I know a lot about what stresses they have in their lives, what changes they are trying to find their way through. I offer a listening ear and typically try to coach them through a situation through useful advice. But I sometimes forget that I need those things, too.

I tend to seek out crossroads because I get bored easily and want challenge and excitement in life. They come to fruition because I intentionally seek them out and then once I'm standing at these crossroads, I don't know which way I want to go. I become incredibly indecisive when faced with too many options. {I mean, it's really scary that by picking one thing you're letting go of another! The risk of regret is high!}  

So, I had lunch with a friend early last week and was sharing with her my latest predicament. I forgot how great it is to talk things out. When you explain something to someone else, it forces you to get out of your own head. As we talked through it, I started to answer my own questions. When I'm mapping out how to achieve my goals, it becomes easy to focus on the day-to-day details. She reminded me to look at the bigger picture. Stopping to talk it out with her made me realize that while a certain choice may come with undesirable side effects in the short term, it's for the long term good. I would much rather endure a little short term pain for long term gain. I don't like to make time with my friends all about me so I was truly grateful to her for allowing me the time to break it down and come to some clarity. 

I spent the rest of the day feeling a little more sure of my decision and a little less stressed. Some doubt still remained, but I was definitely more confident and tuned into my gut and heart strings than I was before our conversation. Later that night, I got a phone call from one of my good friends back home in California. It was so great to catch up in general and I briefed her on where I was in life. We didn't have a lot of time for me to go into the details of my crossroads, which made what she said at the end of our conversation even more powerful. It's hard to write about because I can't go into detail yet on my blog {but soon I will! after a few more ducks are in a row I will share some news with you!} But, she just said, very matter-of-factly, "Meg, you just need to do x, y, z." What she didn't know is that x, y, and z are exactly what I have in the works! Talk about a sign from the universe. Any doubt that I had about whether I was making the right decision, any fear of regret at not choosing another route all disappeared with her comment. 

I struggle with pride. I don't like to make things all about me or ask for help. If I'm working through a decision regarding my next steps, I really like to do it in my own world. So my point here is that it is okay to break out of that once in awhile. Talk it out. Bounce your thoughts off of some of your trusted friends. Achieve some clarity. Chances are that just talking it out will help make your choice more obvious. When others give advice, you will feel in your gut whether you agree with it or not -- let that guide your decision. When you ask for help, you'll remember where your heart is. 

The friend I had lunch with last week sent me this note, reminding me that I can succeed, that I have the power to make the decisions that form the life I want. She comforted me by saying that, no matter what, she will always believe in me. Hopefully this helps you remember, too.

"Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture."

--Norman Vincent Peale, author

I will always believe in you! Never give up!

Every once in awhile, we all need encouraged to Never Give Up. 

Believe in yourself. Trust your intuition. Follow your heart. 

What I wish I would have known

For the month of October, I participated in a writing challenge - write 500 words a day on a given prompt. I was a bit anxious as to how this would go. I can rather easily fill a page with words on a given topic but I do not have an existing routine in place that sets aside time each day for writing. This is why I signed on for this project. I love writing and I wanted to create a habit of writing every day. Just like any skill or talent, it requires practice. I had to establish time each day to work at it and get better. 

One of the prompts was "Write something you wish someone would have told you years ago." This was all too easy. It has been a frequent topic as of late. My best girlfriends & I are all going to be turning 30 with our next birthdays -- beginning in the all-to-near December. This weekend we were talking about where we are in our lives and what we hope our 30's will hold. We reminisced about our 20's. {that will never get old!} We reflected on the last decade and, since this has been a bit of a theme in my life lately, I'm going to share with you now what I wrote for this particular prompt. 

What I wish I would have known:

A caveat to what I've written: 

There isn't a whole lot I would do different even if I could go back. I've learned from experience that Mark Twain was right, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than things you did do. Any regrets that I do have, are all things I didn't do. 

{Which is probably why I now take any random opportunity that presents itself} 

Also, it's never too late. I realize that. But changing course, crossing off bucket list items, doing the things you wish you would have done...it just gets harder as you get older. We are bound by our responsibilities. We are also bound by society. Being fearless, wild & free suddenly becomes a careless mistake once you hit 30. Society is more forgiving the younger you are. The older you get, the more you should "know better" and be settling down.  But, again, it's never too late. Buck society and its standards. Change course & start new whenever you want, no matter your age. 

I think there's a sense of ego-ism in the ages between 18-21. You're fresh out of high school when the world revolved around things like Friday's game or if your crush will ask you to homecoming. [I mean, enjoy high school -- it's fun & you've got it made. But it's far from the best years of your life.] You're, more than likely, going to be on a college campus -- finally an adult, free to control your own life without interference from your parents. College is awesome. You make incredible friendships and the best of memories. For four years you live with your friends and go to parties. Going to class and earning a degree just comes along with the territory and half the time, you don't even know if you like what you're studying, let alone what you're going to do with it after graduation. You picked a major because the pressure was on and you had to. And then you graduate. You literally have no idea what hit you. You were running your world for four years. It was all about you and your friends and a good time. You didn't think it would actually end, or what to expect if it did. 

Then you enter the workforce and real adulthood smacks you in the face. You suddenly have responsibilities. You suddenly find yourself in the rat race. You're one in millions looking for that dream job, working towards that next promotion. As the years pass and your career builds, the social pressures hit full force. Get that relationship, upgrade that car, build a home for yourself. And, while there is a definite rat race involved, it's not all about climbing the ladder. It's all a fun time. You face adversity, coming out stronger and smarter on the other side. You're making more money than you were in college so you go on vacations, you buy nice things, you can afford the latest season's trends. You find out who your real friends are. The ones that stick with you while you're navigating your life and while they're navigating theirs -- this is not easy to do as the older you get, the more schedules need coordinated. You meet new people, have new experiences. Your world expands and you do have fun. And, honestly, I would say you're having more meaningful fun. College is fun without basically any effort. In the real world, you have to prioritize fun.You plan your happy hours, your weekend trips with your friends, your date nights, etc. You live for these things. You need them to survive, to break up your monotonous work week. You're more purposeful of what you spend your free time doing because you don't have as much of it. You're protective of who you let in and give your time to and you realize who and what matters most to you.

So now you're approaching 30. Presumably you've got a career underway -- otherwise society looks at you like you're a space cadet for not knowing what you want to do by 30 {and to that I say "Not all who wander are lost"} and the societal timeline has shifted to marriage and babies. I haven't gotten there yet myself, but pretty much all of my friends have. What I can only imagine happens next is a flashback to when you graduated college. Real life hits you in the face and you had no idea it was coming. Marriage and babies has to be a whole new ballgame just like real life was when you were wide-eyed and fresh off college campus. 

I love life, particularly mine. I cherish the experiences I've had. I love that each decade or chapter of life bears new experiences. Whether college, the wandering of your 20's, the settling down of your 30's...I believe they all are beautiful and hold amazing promises. The scenario I just explained is based on my experience and while I know it doesn't have to be this way, I know that it typically is. That's how the average 20's play out. I wish someone would have told me it didn't have to be that way. More importantly, I wish they would have told me that no matter how you live out your 20's, it goes way too fast. I didn't grasp what our twenties are really like and what they should be used for until recently, in my late twenties, and now I feel like I am racing against the clock to make up for lost time. 

What you choose in your early twenties, from a major to who you spend your time with, sets the tone for the snowball affect it starts. It's never too late to change course, but it does become harder to do as time passes. I wish someone would have told me to take my time making these choices. To resist the rat race for as long as possible. The career you would choose at 20 is likely to be very different from the career you would choose at 30. Same for a mate. Don't settle for what you know. Challenge what you know. Try new things. Travel to new places. Meet new people. Plan a bucket list and then go do it while you can. Take every opportunity for an internship or to study abroad. Maybe don't even go to college right away. Spend time in other cities, navigating life. Learn as much as you can. Every experience is a teaching moment.

Decide what you want to do {hint: you should feel passionate about it} Imagine the life you want to live. And then find ways to make that happen {this involves taking risks, exhausting every possible route only to eventually create your own path} You are more than a career. You do not need to be married by a certain age to be deemed a success. Have career goals. Know the kind of person you think you want to marry. But know the kind of person you want to be as well. 

Your twenties are for YOU. Not in the way of high school and college where you think the world revolves around you. Instead, involve yourself in the world. Submerse yourself in everything little thing that comes your way. Put yourself out there. Create situations for yourself. You can make mistakes, you can take risks. You have time to recover from those. Every experience will teach you something. Be selfish. It is about you. Don’t be in a rush to go to this college, date this person, start this job unless YOU really want to. Not because it’s what others want out of you. It’s easy to fall into that. We compare our journey to the paths of others. We make our life choices based on how well others will receive and accept them. Don’t do that. Do what you want to do. And sometimes, the only way to know what you want to do is trial and error. So go for it and be willing to take chances and make mistakes. You won’t fail. There is no such thing. You can try and something may not workout as you imagined but then you redirect and change course. You can always change course {I recommend taking the long way -- that’s how you evolve} Just don’t be average. Don’t be cookie cutter. Your twenties are for you -- don’t waste it doing things just because it's what everyone else is doing. You only have one life to do all that you are ever going to do so you better get started. Don't play it safe. Be adventurous. Travel. Travel. Travel. In the words of Mark Twain - “Dream. Explore. Discover.” Go. Do. You.