Stories

We all have a story of how we got to where we are. The stories of our lives. There are songs about it ("The Story" by Brandi Carlile) and there are books about it (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller -- one of my very favorite books, one I can read over & over, one I highly recommend you check out). I love listening to people's stories. It provides so much insight into who they are, and why. I seem to always learn something not only about them, but about life and people, too. I usually have "A-ha!" moments as I'm learning about someone's journey that makes me think about it in the context of my own life. I also typically find that we have more in common than would meet the eye.

The problem is: not a lot of people share their stories. And, not a lot of people revisit their stories. {Or maybe that's just my perception.} Everyone talks about their bucket list, or their 30 before 30 list [or something], but the conversation topic is not often "What I have done." So many of our social interactions in this day in age are on the surface. We accept people at face value for who they are. I want to know why they are the way they are. I want to know who and what made someone the way they are today. 

I'm all for bucket lists and whatnot; I'm actually creating mine right now. I love dreaming big…it opens a world of exciting possibilities! It literally makes me happy just thinking about all of the amazing things I have yet to experience in my life, if I am so blessed to be given that time here on Earth. And, I don't think people should necessarily live in the past and dwell on the things they used to do, or once did, or regret not doing at the time. BUT, I do think we should give ourselves credit. For every item on our things to do before 30 list, I'm sure there is one that we have already done that makes us who we are today. 

 I love to reminisce. It keeps things fresh. When I take the time to remember who I was at a particular moment of my story, it makes that part of me become alive again. My family & I love to tell stories. We'll talk about my childhood, or my Dad & his brother will tell stories of our family and our little, small town. My Grandma will tell stories of her life: growing up in a small town with all of her siblings, when she was a working mother of a young family, of her memories of days spent with her grandkids. I would say this happens often, probably weekly. And I love it. It's good to remember where you came from and not always focus just on where you are. 

My Grandparents on my Dad's side are now gone and I think of them often. There are a lot of little things that remind me of them. My Mom calls me "Little Betty" on an almost daily basis and we laugh, because there's a lot of my Grandma in me. And even though they often come to mind, I still like to visit them at the cemetery from time to time, as I did recently. I remember thinking when they passed that I didn't know a world without them. And then somehow you get used to this world without them in it. You get used to them being more of a memory than anything. And that's kind of how we are with moments in our life. We get used to them being a memory. We may call them to mind from time to time but that's it. They are no longer alive. That's why I still visit my grandparent's grave -- it makes me do more than just think about them, it takes me back to when they were still alive. It renews my connection with them. The same goes for looking back on memories. When my family & I tell stories of my childhood, it makes me reconnect with that little girl and reminds me to keep her alive as I go through life. It reminds me to live life looking through her eyes a little more often…the sheer delight at the simplest things. 

I was reminiscing with a friend yesterday about when I got the call offering me my first job after college. It was less than a month before graduation and I knew I was moving to California but I hadn't secured a job yet. I remember hanging up the phone and just being on cloud 9. I remember the PURE excitement (and relief!) of knowing I had this job, and this new life awaiting me. Looking back, I was 22, living in this new city and working this new job and all I can remember being is happy & carefree. {I think as we get older, it gets harder and harder to remain carefree.} I get used to that particular life story, I get used to it being in my past, a memory. But the importance of reminiscing is that it reminds me to try to live with that carefree spirit, even when my life doesn't seem to be made up of the new and exciting or when life has taught me to be a little more cautious or skeptical.

One day, I will want to pass these stories down to my kids. Tell them about how their grandparents grew up, or stories from their great-grandparents childhood, stories from my childhood. Tell them the history of my life experiences and how it led me to where I am in that moment. I want to keep the memories, the people, the experiences alive. I want my past and the past of my family to be alive inside me so that people don't just think I am who I am because I am. I didn't just show up like this, and neither did anyone else. I want others to know, and relate to, why I am who I am. Who influenced that. And I want to learn the same things about them. I love to share stories.  I love to remember stories. I love to CREATE stories. 

The Single Guy Project?

Okay, so you all know from reading this blog that the Single Girl Project started as way to find myself again. At the start of this project, almost a year ago, I had become almost unrecognizable. Some Meghanisms were still there but they were a bit suppressed and lost. And some pieces of me I had let deteriorate completely. It's been an amazing experience getting to know myself again. I feel so happy and healthy - in mind and in body. It feels so good to be back. I know myself better than ever before and I'm confident in who I am, what I can offer and what I deserve. The lessons learned during a two year relationship and painful breakup have taught me to not just be the best version of myself, but to be a better friend and a better partner...a better human being in general.

Best of all, those lessons taught me what hard work it is to learn more about yourself. It's an investment and it's a challenge. It comes with adversity and set backs. But those experiences make it mean so much more when you get to where I am now. It's one thing to discover more about yourself as you live your way through life's lessons. It's another to fully appreciate the darkness that you walked through. If this knowledge were just handed to me, it would be so easy to let go of it and forget (like the first go 'round). But this time, I earned it. And that means I am going to hold onto who I am with a fierce, protective grip. Now that I have put in the emotionally exhausting work of discovering myself again, I will never again let it be compromised or sacrificed. I am so thankful for the journey that got me to where I am today. I wouldn't change one thing about the last three years of my life because it made me who I am today. But I only want to go through it once. Keep moving forward.

From here on out, if something [or someone] doesn't serve me or make me happy, it has no room in my life. I admit, that is a hard, fine line to follow. Relationships take work, sacrifice and compromise. As human beings, we are (or at least should be) constantly evolving and changing, just hopefully for the better. And that is what I want. If someone is going to influence my life in a way that changes who I am, let it be for the better or let it be not at all. And if I stumble upon some man who seems like a nice enough guy, but for whatever reason we just don't click on some level, I'm gonna let that man go. There is someone else out there who he will make happier than he will make me. I don't need a male companion so desperately that I will sacrifice who I am to achieve it. {For what it's worth, I didn't think I did that the first time around, but now I know enough to recognize it if this starts to happen in the future.}

Which brings me to The Single Guy Project, or apparent lack-thereof. Based on inadvertent field research over the past few months, I have determined that not enough -single- men out there (any?) work on themselves at all. It's very exasperating. Let me provide you with some examples.

Male A, 33 -  When I couldn't take his call because I was busy with a going away party and a holiday party one night with friends, "I can allow you to be busy with work and family but I don't want to be blown off for parties with friends." [For the record, we had talked on the phone once or twice and not yet met in person - we never did.]

Male B, 38 - When I declined a dinner date (because he was 38 and used cheesy pick up lines on not just me, but ALL of my friends), "It's a free meal."

Male C, 36 - While trying to impress me during our initial meeting, "I paid extra to park my car in front of Hyde Park."

This is why I don't date. I mean, come on. Please tell me that you have something more to sell yourself on than money. I don't care that you can pay for my dinner, I don't need that. I also couldn't care less where you parked your car. I am actually the opposite of impressed that you PAID MONEY to park it where everyone can see it. I would hope that candidates pushing 40 would have more substance to offer than this. Maybe sell yourself on your personality, your conversational skills, your interest in worldly topics...something other than a dinner partner that will take care of the bill.

I need a man who has some good life experiences through which he has learned about himself. I need a man that has made a project out of getting to know who he is so well that he won't lose himself. I need this because my therapist told me (and I listened) that I can't make someone else my project. They need to be their own project. An individual can change, evolve and fix themselves, no one else. We are all really a work in progress, I just need a man that realizes this. If he knows who he is and what he is worth, he will recognize the same in me.

I, of course, want a man who shares my same interests and has a compatible personality. But I also really need someone with some depth, a man that I can relate to. A man who understands me because he has not only experienced but appreciated his own life journey. A man who has seized the opportunity to learn life lessons. Instead, I have thus far bumped into men who seemingly view women as something to win over with money or sex appeal. That works for some women I'm sure but if a man wants a woman like that, then I don't want him and any efforts to win me over will be wasted.

I am an eternal optimist. I see hope in every situation. So I'm going to wait for the right man, the one who values my Single Girl Project and who has hopefully endured his own version. I would much rather be amazingly happy and single, doing my own thing and living {and loving!} my life than only mildly happy with a man who has nothing interesting to talk about over dinner at a fancy restaurant, just so I have someone to pick up the tab. Besides, my friends make much better dinner partners than that! :)