I went to write my reflections from my recent annual trip to California [I've come out every summer since the 6 years I've moved back to Ohio], and found my notes from an entry I wrote on the plane out to LA a couple weeks ago. I somehow forgot to publish it, I guess.
Here's an excerpt: "It’s been almost a year since my last trip out to LA and I am so excited to be back. Even though I was born & raised in Columbus, visiting California truly feels like coming home. It’s nostalgic for me. It’s getting to travel back in time to a place in my life that was the best. It’s the only time during the year when my world stops spinning. I can freely be myself. I have no restrictions or responsibilities...I have a feeling these 2 weeks will be two of the best of my year."
It's uncanny how right I was. I can freely be myself.
If there's one way to describe the past two weeks, it is that: FREE.
Free. Happy. Fearless. Fun.
What a way to live. So incredibly exhilarating.
I felt free. My actions were free. I was just in each and every moment. I didn’t care what would happen the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week. I wanted to live every single moment to the fullest. There was no thought but feeling good, feeling happy, feeling free. My only intentions were to live life and have no regrets.
I crossed things off my bucket list {sky-diving!} tried new things {paddle boarding! thai food!} I even did things I hadn't known were on my bucket list until after all was said & done. You know it's a good time when you cross things off your list faster than you can put them on!
Each & every visit to LA marks the best time of my year. Obviously, it's nice to hang out at the beach during the day when my friends are at work and not have so many responsibilities -- although for the record, as a business owner, I DID work while I was there. But ultimately, it's not a vacation for me, it's a state of mind. One that I've missed.
The thing that was different about my trip this year compared to previous years was my headspace. Several years ago when I had just moved back to Ohio and would visit LA, I made excuses for not moving back out [it was too expensive to keep moving back and forth across the country; I needed to give my life in Ohio a chance to work out, etc. etc.] And then I was in a relationship for a couple years and didn't want to leave. This last year after my break-up, I needed to be home. It was a year of growth and challenges for me. But now, I am where I am for a reason. I have a new lease on life. I truly feel like I have a second chance. This made me see things so much clearer this time around. These little whispers I've been hearing for the past 6 years...they've gotten louder. They can no longer be ignored. I finally know, realize, accept what perhaps others have been able to sense all along. I'm a California girl. I belong there. I belong where I feel free.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
It Takes a Village
When I started my blog a year ago, I did so for my love of writing. I did so as a way to express my thoughts & feelings. It truly is a therapy for me. My creative release. My writing is not only retrospective and a way to connect more deeply with myself, but it is also a way to offer some perspective to my readers.
When I started off, I didn't know how many people my blog would reach. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on its readers. I just hoped that it would inspire others in some small way. We all lead our own lives, walk our own paths, write our own stories. I wanted to share my story so that I could be a part of my readers' journeys. I wanted to give a reminder that, while some of the specific details will change, we all go through a lot of similar challenges and joys in life.
What I did not expect is how many people would share in my journey with me. I've learned there are people who read my blog not necessarily as an inspiration for wherever they are in their journey, but as a way to support me in mine. That's a really good feeling.
Over the past few days, I've had a few people, all very dear to me, share something with me that I need to pass along to my readers. Empowering one another and learning from one another is a collaborative effort...I love that this blog has become a way to do that. I love that people think of sharing with others. We're all in this together.
First, someone shared this article with me. It's about the ambiguity that exists in dating these days, mostly due to a lack of clear communication. Someone doesn't want to clarify what it is they are looking for in a relationship or someone doesn't communicate how they feel towards another as a way to protect and guard their emotions. I can relate to that. Past experiences teach you to have a guard up. It's tough to put yourself out there completely. And when both people aren't being fully open and honest, it leads to a lot of second guessing, a lot of over-analyzing and a lot of insecurity. The article is a great read, and full of insight into relationships.
A few quotes I've been turing over in my mind lately: "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone" and "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I feel confident and comfortable being single so I'm not going to give that up for just anyone. That's why the timing for my friend sharing this article with me was perfect. It sheds light on recognizing the emotionally unavailable. This friend ended her note to me with "The clarity and self confidence you gain as you learn to recognize and walk away from the 'emotionally unavailable' only happen when you are able to truly embrace yourself." It was such a positive affirmation. Our journey with ourselves is to gain clarity and self confidence. To love & embrace yourself first. It does give us the confidence to stand alone until we can recognize those qualities in another person. It meant the world to me that my friend understood and supported that concept, and felt it important to share with me & my readers.
Along those same lines, I stumbled upon this song recently. Besides the fact that her voice is amazing, the lyrics are incredible and spoke straight to my heart. I shared it with my friends. In response, my AKS sent me a link to this video. She's my rock and knows how I feel and what I need to hear. It was such a wonderful reminder of the cheerleaders I have on my side. Another reminder that we're all in this together and that sharing in one another's journeys is reciprocal.
And lastly, my cousin (we were more like sisters growing up!) shared with me the book she's been reading. Having read my last blog post, she said it would definitely be right up my alley. The book is called "The Truth of Everything" by Brianna Wiest. My cousin has sent me a few excerpts and I have already ordered my copy - it's one of those well-written books where the words just hit you. You feel them in your heart. I can't wait to read it cover to cover. It speaks to the process of my own journey, and I think it will do the same for my readers. I'm including below text from the chapter Things Happy People Know.
When I started off, I didn't know how many people my blog would reach. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on its readers. I just hoped that it would inspire others in some small way. We all lead our own lives, walk our own paths, write our own stories. I wanted to share my story so that I could be a part of my readers' journeys. I wanted to give a reminder that, while some of the specific details will change, we all go through a lot of similar challenges and joys in life.
What I did not expect is how many people would share in my journey with me. I've learned there are people who read my blog not necessarily as an inspiration for wherever they are in their journey, but as a way to support me in mine. That's a really good feeling.
Over the past few days, I've had a few people, all very dear to me, share something with me that I need to pass along to my readers. Empowering one another and learning from one another is a collaborative effort...I love that this blog has become a way to do that. I love that people think of sharing with others. We're all in this together.
First, someone shared this article with me. It's about the ambiguity that exists in dating these days, mostly due to a lack of clear communication. Someone doesn't want to clarify what it is they are looking for in a relationship or someone doesn't communicate how they feel towards another as a way to protect and guard their emotions. I can relate to that. Past experiences teach you to have a guard up. It's tough to put yourself out there completely. And when both people aren't being fully open and honest, it leads to a lot of second guessing, a lot of over-analyzing and a lot of insecurity. The article is a great read, and full of insight into relationships.
A few quotes I've been turing over in my mind lately: "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone" and "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I feel confident and comfortable being single so I'm not going to give that up for just anyone. That's why the timing for my friend sharing this article with me was perfect. It sheds light on recognizing the emotionally unavailable. This friend ended her note to me with "The clarity and self confidence you gain as you learn to recognize and walk away from the 'emotionally unavailable' only happen when you are able to truly embrace yourself." It was such a positive affirmation. Our journey with ourselves is to gain clarity and self confidence. To love & embrace yourself first. It does give us the confidence to stand alone until we can recognize those qualities in another person. It meant the world to me that my friend understood and supported that concept, and felt it important to share with me & my readers.
Along those same lines, I stumbled upon this song recently. Besides the fact that her voice is amazing, the lyrics are incredible and spoke straight to my heart. I shared it with my friends. In response, my AKS sent me a link to this video. She's my rock and knows how I feel and what I need to hear. It was such a wonderful reminder of the cheerleaders I have on my side. Another reminder that we're all in this together and that sharing in one another's journeys is reciprocal.
And lastly, my cousin (we were more like sisters growing up!) shared with me the book she's been reading. Having read my last blog post, she said it would definitely be right up my alley. The book is called "The Truth of Everything" by Brianna Wiest. My cousin has sent me a few excerpts and I have already ordered my copy - it's one of those well-written books where the words just hit you. You feel them in your heart. I can't wait to read it cover to cover. It speaks to the process of my own journey, and I think it will do the same for my readers. I'm including below text from the chapter Things Happy People Know.
©Thought Catalog 2014
Thank you for sharing in my journey and thank you for allowing me to share in yours.
Sunday, July 6, 2014
100 Happy Days
As I sat down to write, the only thought {feeling} that came to mind was happiness. Even with all that's been going on in my life this summer, all I can really focus on is how happy I am. The only constant through it all has been positivity.
A couple of months ago I joined an online community challenge of posting one picture per day for 100 days. The picture had to be something that made you happy that day. When you sign up, you are told that 71% of people quit before they get to the 100th day. BUT, those people who completed the full 100 day challenge reported: being more observant of what made them happy each day, being in a better mood every day, receiving more compliments, being more optimistic, becoming more aware of how lucky they are and falling in love during the 100 days.
I started the 100 happy day project a couple months after I started my gratitude project. My gratitude project is simple: each evening, I write down 5 things about that day that I am especially grateful for. I've always been someone who is very appreciative and thankful for the blessings in my life. But it's easy to say a prayer of thanks for the obvious blessings in our lives. My gratitude project has made me become more aware of the little things that happen in daily life that make me feel happy and put a smile on my face.
I truly believe that the reason for my recent increase of not just feeling happy but also the realization that I am feeling happy, is because of my gratitude project and my 100 happy days project. {In addition to the results of the 100 happy day challenge mentioned above, practicing gratitude has been shown to increase happiness levels by 25%} Both of these projects have made my happiness deeper and more meaningful. I now notice the little things throughout the day. In these moments I am fully present, unaware of the passing time. I am only aware that I feel good. There are so many small opportunities throughout the day that have the ability to add some positivity to our daily experiences, if we only notice. All of these small things add up to one big, really great day.
I am a bit restless with where I am in life at this exact moment [more on that in a later post] but even when my mind wanders to all of the worries and what-ifs and if-onlys, I catch myself. Thoughts that used to bring me down no longer have the power to do so. A worrisome thought doesn't last long in my mind. I immediately overcome it with positive vibes and I think to myself "But I'm just so happy!" I don't care about what isn't perfect, or what could go wrong. It doesn't matter because I'm happy. It is amazing to not feel stress..there is a freedom in that. The contentment, the inner peace. My happiness allows me to be here now, to surrender to whatever will be.
Even if you don't commit to the 100 happy days challenge or don't start your own gratitude project, I urge you to try to take notice of the little moments in your daily lives. The simple joys that warm your heart. I have probably never had more uncertainty in my life than I do right now and yet I couldn't be happier.
A couple of months ago I joined an online community challenge of posting one picture per day for 100 days. The picture had to be something that made you happy that day. When you sign up, you are told that 71% of people quit before they get to the 100th day. BUT, those people who completed the full 100 day challenge reported: being more observant of what made them happy each day, being in a better mood every day, receiving more compliments, being more optimistic, becoming more aware of how lucky they are and falling in love during the 100 days.
I started the 100 happy day project a couple months after I started my gratitude project. My gratitude project is simple: each evening, I write down 5 things about that day that I am especially grateful for. I've always been someone who is very appreciative and thankful for the blessings in my life. But it's easy to say a prayer of thanks for the obvious blessings in our lives. My gratitude project has made me become more aware of the little things that happen in daily life that make me feel happy and put a smile on my face.
I truly believe that the reason for my recent increase of not just feeling happy but also the realization that I am feeling happy, is because of my gratitude project and my 100 happy days project. {In addition to the results of the 100 happy day challenge mentioned above, practicing gratitude has been shown to increase happiness levels by 25%} Both of these projects have made my happiness deeper and more meaningful. I now notice the little things throughout the day. In these moments I am fully present, unaware of the passing time. I am only aware that I feel good. There are so many small opportunities throughout the day that have the ability to add some positivity to our daily experiences, if we only notice. All of these small things add up to one big, really great day.
I am a bit restless with where I am in life at this exact moment [more on that in a later post] but even when my mind wanders to all of the worries and what-ifs and if-onlys, I catch myself. Thoughts that used to bring me down no longer have the power to do so. A worrisome thought doesn't last long in my mind. I immediately overcome it with positive vibes and I think to myself "But I'm just so happy!" I don't care about what isn't perfect, or what could go wrong. It doesn't matter because I'm happy. It is amazing to not feel stress..there is a freedom in that. The contentment, the inner peace. My happiness allows me to be here now, to surrender to whatever will be.
Even if you don't commit to the 100 happy days challenge or don't start your own gratitude project, I urge you to try to take notice of the little moments in your daily lives. The simple joys that warm your heart. I have probably never had more uncertainty in my life than I do right now and yet I couldn't be happier.
For more on the 100 Happy Days challenge or How gratitude can change your life,
visit these sites: http://100happydays.com and http://www.thechangeblog.com/gratitude/
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