What I wish I would have known

For the month of October, I participated in a writing challenge - write 500 words a day on a given prompt. I was a bit anxious as to how this would go. I can rather easily fill a page with words on a given topic but I do not have an existing routine in place that sets aside time each day for writing. This is why I signed on for this project. I love writing and I wanted to create a habit of writing every day. Just like any skill or talent, it requires practice. I had to establish time each day to work at it and get better. 

One of the prompts was "Write something you wish someone would have told you years ago." This was all too easy. It has been a frequent topic as of late. My best girlfriends & I are all going to be turning 30 with our next birthdays -- beginning in the all-to-near December. This weekend we were talking about where we are in our lives and what we hope our 30's will hold. We reminisced about our 20's. {that will never get old!} We reflected on the last decade and, since this has been a bit of a theme in my life lately, I'm going to share with you now what I wrote for this particular prompt. 

What I wish I would have known:

A caveat to what I've written: 

There isn't a whole lot I would do different even if I could go back. I've learned from experience that Mark Twain was right, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than things you did do. Any regrets that I do have, are all things I didn't do. 

{Which is probably why I now take any random opportunity that presents itself} 

Also, it's never too late. I realize that. But changing course, crossing off bucket list items, doing the things you wish you would have done...it just gets harder as you get older. We are bound by our responsibilities. We are also bound by society. Being fearless, wild & free suddenly becomes a careless mistake once you hit 30. Society is more forgiving the younger you are. The older you get, the more you should "know better" and be settling down.  But, again, it's never too late. Buck society and its standards. Change course & start new whenever you want, no matter your age. 

I think there's a sense of ego-ism in the ages between 18-21. You're fresh out of high school when the world revolved around things like Friday's game or if your crush will ask you to homecoming. [I mean, enjoy high school -- it's fun & you've got it made. But it's far from the best years of your life.] You're, more than likely, going to be on a college campus -- finally an adult, free to control your own life without interference from your parents. College is awesome. You make incredible friendships and the best of memories. For four years you live with your friends and go to parties. Going to class and earning a degree just comes along with the territory and half the time, you don't even know if you like what you're studying, let alone what you're going to do with it after graduation. You picked a major because the pressure was on and you had to. And then you graduate. You literally have no idea what hit you. You were running your world for four years. It was all about you and your friends and a good time. You didn't think it would actually end, or what to expect if it did. 

Then you enter the workforce and real adulthood smacks you in the face. You suddenly have responsibilities. You suddenly find yourself in the rat race. You're one in millions looking for that dream job, working towards that next promotion. As the years pass and your career builds, the social pressures hit full force. Get that relationship, upgrade that car, build a home for yourself. And, while there is a definite rat race involved, it's not all about climbing the ladder. It's all a fun time. You face adversity, coming out stronger and smarter on the other side. You're making more money than you were in college so you go on vacations, you buy nice things, you can afford the latest season's trends. You find out who your real friends are. The ones that stick with you while you're navigating your life and while they're navigating theirs -- this is not easy to do as the older you get, the more schedules need coordinated. You meet new people, have new experiences. Your world expands and you do have fun. And, honestly, I would say you're having more meaningful fun. College is fun without basically any effort. In the real world, you have to prioritize fun.You plan your happy hours, your weekend trips with your friends, your date nights, etc. You live for these things. You need them to survive, to break up your monotonous work week. You're more purposeful of what you spend your free time doing because you don't have as much of it. You're protective of who you let in and give your time to and you realize who and what matters most to you.

So now you're approaching 30. Presumably you've got a career underway -- otherwise society looks at you like you're a space cadet for not knowing what you want to do by 30 {and to that I say "Not all who wander are lost"} and the societal timeline has shifted to marriage and babies. I haven't gotten there yet myself, but pretty much all of my friends have. What I can only imagine happens next is a flashback to when you graduated college. Real life hits you in the face and you had no idea it was coming. Marriage and babies has to be a whole new ballgame just like real life was when you were wide-eyed and fresh off college campus. 

I love life, particularly mine. I cherish the experiences I've had. I love that each decade or chapter of life bears new experiences. Whether college, the wandering of your 20's, the settling down of your 30's...I believe they all are beautiful and hold amazing promises. The scenario I just explained is based on my experience and while I know it doesn't have to be this way, I know that it typically is. That's how the average 20's play out. I wish someone would have told me it didn't have to be that way. More importantly, I wish they would have told me that no matter how you live out your 20's, it goes way too fast. I didn't grasp what our twenties are really like and what they should be used for until recently, in my late twenties, and now I feel like I am racing against the clock to make up for lost time. 

What you choose in your early twenties, from a major to who you spend your time with, sets the tone for the snowball affect it starts. It's never too late to change course, but it does become harder to do as time passes. I wish someone would have told me to take my time making these choices. To resist the rat race for as long as possible. The career you would choose at 20 is likely to be very different from the career you would choose at 30. Same for a mate. Don't settle for what you know. Challenge what you know. Try new things. Travel to new places. Meet new people. Plan a bucket list and then go do it while you can. Take every opportunity for an internship or to study abroad. Maybe don't even go to college right away. Spend time in other cities, navigating life. Learn as much as you can. Every experience is a teaching moment.

Decide what you want to do {hint: you should feel passionate about it} Imagine the life you want to live. And then find ways to make that happen {this involves taking risks, exhausting every possible route only to eventually create your own path} You are more than a career. You do not need to be married by a certain age to be deemed a success. Have career goals. Know the kind of person you think you want to marry. But know the kind of person you want to be as well. 

Your twenties are for YOU. Not in the way of high school and college where you think the world revolves around you. Instead, involve yourself in the world. Submerse yourself in everything little thing that comes your way. Put yourself out there. Create situations for yourself. You can make mistakes, you can take risks. You have time to recover from those. Every experience will teach you something. Be selfish. It is about you. Don’t be in a rush to go to this college, date this person, start this job unless YOU really want to. Not because it’s what others want out of you. It’s easy to fall into that. We compare our journey to the paths of others. We make our life choices based on how well others will receive and accept them. Don’t do that. Do what you want to do. And sometimes, the only way to know what you want to do is trial and error. So go for it and be willing to take chances and make mistakes. You won’t fail. There is no such thing. You can try and something may not workout as you imagined but then you redirect and change course. You can always change course {I recommend taking the long way -- that’s how you evolve} Just don’t be average. Don’t be cookie cutter. Your twenties are for you -- don’t waste it doing things just because it's what everyone else is doing. You only have one life to do all that you are ever going to do so you better get started. Don't play it safe. Be adventurous. Travel. Travel. Travel. In the words of Mark Twain - “Dream. Explore. Discover.” Go. Do. You.

Chasing the dream

I've always been a dreamer, maybe to a fault..if that's a thing. {I would rather dream too much than not enough!} I can get caught up in my own daydreams of how I want things to be, how I envision my future to be. I try to stay grounded and realistic but I dream big. My dreams inspire my goals. My goals get me excited. When I really think about how amazing it will feel to achieve my goals, I can barely stand it. I get this feeling in my stomach. I feel a rush of adrenaline. I can't sleep at night.

I like living in that space, it makes me feel good, hopeful, optimistic. The other night in a Power Yoga practice, the instructor spoke about preparation. She mentioned that we tend to see people who have it all [or at least appear to] and think that things just fall perfectly into place for them. But in most situations it's not that they're lucky at all. It's that they prepare. They work everyday on bettering themselves, bettering their circumstance, working towards their goal. They set up their life so that when the next big thing happens, they're ready.

It's amazing how the universe puts you right where you need to be, when you need to be there. That message was incredible. I was meant to hear it. It spoke to my soul, spoke to where I am in life. This reminder was a necessary one. Daydreams are awesome, but they need an action plan. There's a journey to be had before we arrive at that destination. A scary journey. A challenging journey.

If you don't prepare, if you don't persevere, it's going to be a long, long path. And it probably won't lead you to where you want to go. It's easy to get anxious awaiting that extraordinary end goal. Some days I just don't feel motivated. Sometimes the task at hand is hard, it's overwhelming. Or it's just plain boring. There are times when it would be so incredibly easy to give up, to be complacent, to settle for the status quo, for the average, for the comfort zone. There are times when I feel discouraged or experience doubt. Some days it's just really hard to persevere.

It's these times where I realize that I'm spending too much time focusing on the action plan and living in reality and not enough time remembering the dream. When I reset and focus on the end goal, I get excited again. It's like a burst of energy. A renewed sense of purpose. Remembering the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing, remembering where this journey is taking me..that's what keeps me moving forward. My dream is what gives value to the hard work and preparation. My dream is what gives me the courage to recommit to the process every day.

At that same yoga practice, during shavasana, our instructor played Wild Horses {Wild horses I wanna be like you...throwing caution to the wind...} and I'm pretty sure both my best friend and I had tears streaming down our faces. We dream big. And then we're left to face fear and chase our dreams. We throw caution to the wind and hope we fly.

create your own peace.

I love pursuing enlightenment. Increasing my conscious awareness. I do this through a lot of reading, meditation and yoga. These practices enhance my understanding. The more I learn, the more I want to apply it to my life. The more I apply it to my life, the more I am called to share it with others. 

I am so deeply involved in my own desire-mapping, goal-planning and life-coaching because I really believe that the only way I can coach someone else through it is if I continue to go through the process. I need to continue to grow through the knowledge and experience of it. 

This afternoon was devoted to that. I completed my homework for my next life-coaching lesson. I re-evaluated my desire-map. I studied other’s teachings and experiences so that they could guide my own. I could have done this anywhere. But, I feel most inspired when I’m surrounded by nature. Today was a gorgeous day. I mean, if you could bottle up a day to keep forever, it would be today. And today’s perfect weather was begging to be experienced. 

So, I packed up my books and journals and headed out to my dock. I sat there and studied to the soundtrack of wind chimes, train whistles, leaves rustling, and a babbling fountain. The breeze was welcome, especially when it sprayed me with mist from the fountain. 

My current journey is a really exciting one. My process of discovery has helped me to create a clear vision for where I want need this path to lead. But this purposeful journey is also action packed. There is always room to push or challenge myself. There’s always a next thing to complete. It’s easy for me to get over-whelmed and feel hurried. 

I’d already allocated this afternoon to personal and professional development but it would have been so mundane to sit inside like I normally would have done. It would have felt so predictable and common and routine [read: boring.] I’m glad I listened to the call of the wild and headed outside. I got into a much clearer, peaceful state by doing so -- and I know that only increased the depth of today’s practice.  

Being present in nature, aware of and grateful for each movement, is so good for the soul. Today was a gentle reminder to find ways to break up the monotony of every day life. To create your own peace wherever you are, whenever you can. It’s within you -- listen to the call to tap into it. 

{Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.

It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.}

It Takes a Village

When I started my blog a year ago, I did so for my love of writing. I did so as a way to express my thoughts & feelings. It truly is a therapy for me. My creative release. My writing is not only retrospective and a way to connect more deeply with myself, but it is also a way to offer some perspective to my readers.

When I started off, I didn't know how many people my blog would reach. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on its readers. I just hoped that it would inspire others in some small way.  We all lead our own lives, walk our own paths, write our own stories. I wanted to share my story so that I could be a part of my readers' journeys. I wanted to give a reminder that, while some of the specific details will change, we all go through a lot of similar challenges and joys in life.

What I did not expect is how many people would share in my journey with me. I've learned there are people who read my blog not necessarily as an inspiration for wherever they are in their journey, but as a way to support me in mine. That's a really good feeling.

Over the past few days, I've had a few people, all very dear to me, share something with me that I need to pass along to my readers. Empowering one another and learning from one another is a collaborative effort...I love that this blog has become a way to do that. I love that people think of sharing with others. We're all in this together.

First, someone shared this article with me. It's about the ambiguity that exists in dating these days, mostly due to a lack of clear communication. Someone doesn't want to clarify what it is they are looking for in a relationship or someone doesn't communicate how they feel towards another as a way to protect and guard their emotions. I can relate to that. Past experiences teach you to have a guard up. It's tough to put yourself out there completely. And when both people aren't being fully open and honest, it leads to a lot of second guessing, a lot of over-analyzing and a lot of insecurity. The article is a great read, and full of insight into relationships.

A few quotes I've been turing over in my mind lately: "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone" and "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I feel confident and comfortable being single so I'm not going to give that up for just anyone. That's why the timing for my friend sharing this article with me was perfect. It sheds light on recognizing the emotionally unavailable. This friend ended her note to me with "The clarity and self confidence you gain as you learn to recognize and walk away from the 'emotionally unavailable' only happen when you are able to truly embrace yourself." It was such a positive affirmation. Our journey with ourselves is to gain clarity and self confidence. To love & embrace yourself first. It does give us the confidence to stand alone until we can recognize those qualities in another person. It meant the world to me that my friend understood and supported that concept, and felt it important to share with me & my readers.

Along those same lines, I stumbled upon this song recently.  Besides the fact that her voice is amazing, the lyrics are incredible and spoke straight to my heart. I shared it with my friends. In response, my AKS sent me a link to this video. She's my rock and knows how I feel and what I need to hear. It was such a wonderful reminder of the cheerleaders I have on my side. Another reminder that we're all in this together and that sharing in one another's journeys is reciprocal.

And lastly, my cousin (we were more like sisters growing up!) shared with me the book she's been reading. Having read my last blog post, she said it would definitely be right up my alley. The book is called "The Truth of Everything" by Brianna Wiest. My cousin has sent me a few excerpts and I have already ordered my copy - it's one of those well-written books where the words just hit you. You feel them in your heart. I can't wait to read it cover to cover. It speaks to the process of my own journey, and I think it will do the same for my readers. I'm including below text from the chapter Things Happy People Know. 

©Thought Catalog 2014

Thank you for sharing in my journey and thank you for allowing me to share in yours.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

The last few nights I haven't been able to get my mind to stop racing. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and can't seem to fall asleep. Since being free of my last relationship and leaving a miserable job, my life has been pretty stress-free so it's probably more anxiety than stress...the anticipation of all of the irons I have in the fire lately. I have my yoga and my writing that help keep me focused and grounded but even these therapies and meditations haven't been able to get me to relax at night this week.

So, last night as I was trying to fall asleep, instead of thinking about all of the things going on in my life [worrying about them at 12 o clock at night isn't going to solve anything], I tried to focus on the "Be Here Now" mantra. I reflected on where I am right now in my life and tried to look at what I might be missing when I only focus on where these things are taking me in the future. 

I was with my best girlfriends last night and, as we always do, we went around the table and talked about what's new in our lives. Most of them have things going on. They are actively doing what they need to do to get to the next step or they know what the next step is and they're preparing themselves to take action to get to that point. I can't say that I feel like I'm in the same place. I have long-term goals [that's one of the things I'm working on through my life coaching & life transformation project] and I'm always working on putting the next thing in motion but at the same time, all of these things are going to take their slow, sweet time to come to fruition.

Life is made up of ebbs and flows. It's almost like a hurry up and wait process. Well, I feel like I am in one of the waiting stages. This might be where some of the stress or anxiety is coming from -- I am not the most patient person. I feel the root of every challenge I've faced has been God's way of trying to teach me patience. Living in the moment and not being too eager to get to the next thing before I've enjoyed the present is not something that comes easily to me.

I've written in my blogs before that embracing the moment and "being here now" are practices that I want to master and live by. It's an ongoing process. It's a habit. It's like exercise, you have to constantly do it and work at it. You don't just get to your PR for your pace or your weight and then stop. You have to keep doing it. This mindset of being here now is the same way.

Last night I reminded myself to enjoy the moment. To not feel directionless just because day to day things don't seem to change. In 10 years, I'm going to look back on my life at 29 and smile {and miss it!} because it will probably be the one time where my daily life was made up of doing work I love, for myself & on my own time, hanging out with my friends and taking care of my body. Sure, I have bills and things that I need to check off my life-to-do list in the next 6 months. But even with those responsibilities, it's just me that I have to worry about and take care of. I don't have a household depending on me or a boss to answer to. If I want to write a blog post at 9am, I can. If I want to wake up and work out and not start work till 11am, I can. If I want to break in my day for an hour coffee date with a friend, I can. If I want to be busy every night of the week with different girlfriends, I can. If I want to spend a Saturday night at home, relaxed & comfortable on my couch, I can. I have a pretty great life. One that I love and that I get to spend with people I love. I can't be anxious about getting so quickly to the next thing. Quality versus quantity. I need to enjoy my quality of life and understand that just because it may sometimes seem like I'm wandering and not really getting anywhere, I'm not really lost at all. 

Climbing Your Mountain

I had a great one on one coaching session with Julie, my life coach, today. I was reminded of the importance of "not going it alone." For the past couple of weeks, I've seemed to go through everything in life a little ho-hum, just accepting the status quo, which isn't exciting for me at all. After talking with Julie about changes in my life since our last meeting, she brought fresh perspective to where I am. We talked about how to use where I am now in certain aspects of my life as stepping stones. We talked about how I want to use these stepping stones and where I want them to take me. In reality, all experiences in life are stepping stones and life coaching is there to help us figure out how to use them, I guess I had just lost sight of that for a brief moment. This coaching session was just what I needed today to reenergize. I left feeling very excited and motivated, with a reset focus on purpose, plans and goals.

In life coaching and in her studio, Julie focuses on The 7 Life Miracles. There was one in particular that themed my life this week: Climb -- Conquer your mountains. May was crazy busy for me and I did not stay as committed to my workouts as I prefer to. When June came about, I knew I had to get back into the workout routine. This habit of not working out regularly does not serve me. I need to stick to my routine for me, because working out keeps me healthy and it makes me feel good. For June, I also had some extrinsic motivation as well, including my California vacation coming up next month! [Gotta get bikini ready ;)]

So, this week I hit the ground running, literally. I ran almost every morning. The days I ran, I also lifted and did my ab work. The days I didn't run, I did Pilates or Yoga. Because it had been a month since I had exercised almost every day of the week, this was definitely a challenge.  There were moments when I literally felt like I was climbing a mountain. I had to stay focused on that goal of attaining what was there at the top. I had to encourage myself to push through. Julie taught my Pilates classes and was an amazing leader, keeping me motivated to power through. The rewards are so worth it, though. Feeling your body push itself and attain higher levels of fitness is a great feeling and makes the effort exerted worthwhile.

Julie & I talked in our session today about how it seems as if there a lot of things in the works in my life right now that all could lead to something great. It's like I am right at the cusp, at the turning point. If I put a few more things in motion, or let some things play out, I'll find myself reaching the top of that mountain. It's uplifting to see months and months of work and action finally start to take shape and lead to some of my long-term goals.

We also talked about how we mustn't stop climbing just when we think we've reached the top. For me, I may attain a business or personal goal, but that may only be temporary. Maybe that business success will lead to a future goal. Or maybe my business will face adversity that will propel me into something bigger & better that I otherwise would have never reached for. Maybe a relationship won't last forever. But all of our mountains are there to teach us something, and they are there for us when we need it most in our lives.

Climb. Have fun and enjoy the journey. Have 20 seconds of insane courage and something great will come of it. Risk leads to reward. Reach towards your goal. Conquer your mountain.