Leap of Faith

This week was pivotal. I took risks. I made decisions that scared me. {They say to do one thing everyday that scares you, right?} And I created doors and windows of opportunity where there was just a blank wall. It. Felt. So. Amazing. It was the best week I can remember having in quite some time. It really proved the point that there is freedom in taking risks and facing fears.

I took three areas of my life (self, career, relationship) and envisioned what I wanted out of them, where I felt I needed the path to start going. What do I need to do right now to start seeing some short term changes? 

Self: make my heart happy. For me, that equates CALIFORNIA. My family and friends there that I haven't seen in two years. I need to go back. That's where I need to go to get me back to center, to regroup. California has my heart, that's where I feel the most carefree. So, I took the risk and bought my flight. What's the risk in that? It's a bit of a chore to get vacation approved in my office. I decided I was going on this trip no matter what. If they didn't approve it, I would quit. This seems a bit extreme, and maybe a little unprofessional, I know. But I am going to get more out of a week in California than I will ever get out of this job. Life is too short. I can't keep putting myself to the side for a job that I get no return out of. What's the worst that could happen? -- I come back from a great vacation and start looking for a job. Nothing I haven't done before. They ended up granting my vacation approval so luckily I get to keep my income. However, the risk to take an action not knowing the outcome was actually very liberating.

Career: I have been frustrated with my career for quite some time. It just doesn't seem to be going anywhere that excites me and the open positions I do find, I'm not passionate about either. So I reflected on what it is I really want to do. What would the perfect opportunity look like for me? And then I put feelers out there and put myself in a position to make connections that met those criteria. Generally I just browse internet sites for jobs but this time I was more pro-active. And within a week, I had two face-to-face interviews for promising, exciting, challenging opportunities.  I'm not sure what the outcome will be yet but that accomplishment alone felt amazing. An internet post didn't get this for me. I got this for me, networking paid off. I felt fierce.

Relationship: Believe it or not, I'm ready to take a chance on love again. I had my time to mourn and now is my time to move on. I am determined to not let a past love make me afraid to trust love again. So, for at least the 4th time in a week, I faced my fear. I took some action, made some moves. And now I totally have a date with an amazing guy this weekend! I don't know where this will lead but I'm just going to go with it and enjoy every moment. One lesson I did learn from my last relationship is to live in the moment, here is my chance to apply it.  

This work in process stuff is kind of fun :)

 My inspiration for this past week: 

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Honor the Commitment

Today is my parent's 35th anniversary! They've been amazing parents and I know their marriage is the foundation our family is built on. 

As parents, they have shaped me into who I am today. They've instilled in me a sense of humor, always encouraging me to be goofy; they've instilled values, morals, and self-esteem. They've taught me to be disciplined and responsible, loyal and dependable. To be charitable and grateful. They've encouraged and supported me, taken care of me and have shown me by example that time is the best thing you can give to another. My strength and courage come from the fact that I know they are always there. I am so blessed!

As husband and wife, they have shown me what makes a marriage. That you don't just give up and walk away at the first sign of trouble. That you work through things and stay by each other's side through thick and thin, through the ups and downs. That the future isn't always certain but you're committed to each other and that's all that matters. They've shown that there is good and happiness in every day, even when the road seems bumpy. I learned by example to laugh with each other, spend time with each other, and not take each other for granted. It's hard to find your best friend that will stick with you so when you do, you hold on tight. And they've taught me that I deserve the same. It is from their example that I know what a strong marriage looks like. Again, I feel so blessed.

Happy Anniversary and may you share many more wonderful years!

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new beginnings & painful endings

I left off needing to tell you why there has been a sudden shift in my outlook on life. Sorry to keep you hanging for a few days, but this was a tough post to write.

Pre-June 14th, 2011: I was an independent, confident, single woman who spent almost every waking moment with my friends, at a social event or volunteering on charity committees. I never dated much. I loved being me, and I wasn’t bothered by being the 3rd wheel, the 5th wheel, even sometimes the 7th wheel. I didn’t want to date just to date. I’d rather spend my time doing things for me or things with my friends. If I was going to give that up for someone, they were going to have to be pretty great. I had set some high standards. 

June 14th, 2011: What used to be described as “the best day of our lives, the day we met the love of our lives.”  A blind date that changed my world. It was absolutely perfect. I will never forget that moment we met, that feeling. I can still see it as if it were yesterday. 

We were immediately inseparable, immediately comfortable. Like our souls had known each other forever. He was my person, my best friend, my other half. He was my first love, my first serious relationship. I know that is something that can never be replaced or duplicated. Over the next 2 years our relationship grew, and had ups and downs, and evolved. We made memories, shared laughs, built dreams. I was certain we’d grow old together, I would have fought till my dying day, would have given all I have to make it so.

June 11, 2013: I walked in the door after going to my best friend’s final dress try-on for her wedding that coming Saturday. I am still not sure how it happened but I suddenly was sitting on our floor, in this conversation. And then, after 3 or 4 hours, we were done. Over. My heart was breaking & my world was crashing down on me. Our beautiful love was broken and gone. What I knew our love could be would never be realized. I didn't want it to be real, couldn't believe it was really happening. Over.

Post June 11, 2013: Obviously, I was a mess for the first couple of weeks. I bounced back, I got stronger. I don't know that I'll ever have closure but I have come to accept it. {Well, my mind has come to accept it. My heart is healing.} Acceptance is the first step to moving on, I guess. One thing is for certain, I had the MOST AMAZING support group anyone could ever be blessed to have (I’ll write more on that later). I could not have gotten to where I am now, just merely a month later, without the friends and family I had rallying by my side. In the last month, I’ve realized that I can’t depend on anyone else to complete my life. I can’t trust anyone else to take care of me. I have to do me. I have to put me first because if I don’t, then who will? 

I don’t want to imply selfishness, because that isn’t the case. To get love, you have to give love. And I don’t want to say that relationships don’t take sacrifice or compromises, either, because they do. It’s just that...you can’t lose yourself. So I’ve resolved to find myself again, and when the time is right, and when the person is right, someone else will find me, too. 

Side note: I'm not going to go into details of the breakup but I would like to say, because everyone seems to ask, I'm not angry at him. If anything,  I'm still in his corner, I want the best for him. I'm sad, but also I want to say thank you. And whenever I think of him, I say a little prayer for him. That makes it better. 

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Meghanisms.

Welcome to my new blog & thanks for checking it out!

I've never thought about having a blog before and suddenly found myself asking, "Why not?" It combines writing and promotes connections..two things I've always enjoyed.

I love writing - it's a great creative outlet and, especially over the past month, writing has given me clarity and offered me some peace. I just feel better after jotting a thought down in a journal. 

Sharing my thoughts with you not only allows me to connect to others, but also puts me in a position to re-connect with myself. This is just something that I need to do. 

I feel inspired now to do things: new things, things for me, things that will make a difference. I've come to realize this is my life, and I only get to live it once. And you guys get to come along for the ride. I'll share my moments of bright ideas & motivation..that feeling where you can literally conquer the world. I'll share my journey along the way..the lessons, the stumbles. I'll share the moments of my life that fill me with strength, offer me simple peace, or put the happiest of smiles on my face.

It's time to get back to my core, to find my Meghanisms again -- the things that make me, me. The things that no one else but me can offer to the world.

Today I can cross something off of my "new to-do" list for the first time: 
start a blog.  
Now that feels good. 

Why the sudden realization that I need to find myself again? What jump-started  the live-for-Meghan attitude? Why is there suddenly a "Single Girl Project" that I need to rock? That I will save for my next post..stay tuned.

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