Ode to Grampa

A local magazine advertised an essay contest with the theme "Memories of your favorite Veteran" to be featured in their November issue in honor of Veteran's Day on November 11th.

I knew I had to submit something in memory of my Grampa. My grampa was one of the most important and influential people in my life and I miss him every day. There are so many times when I wish I could tell him something, share with him what is new in my life, or get his advice. I miss having him a mile away where I could walk in his door and hear his voice.

My grandma, his wife, was very special to me and I have so much of her in me (my mom often calls me "Little Betty") and I am so proud of that. She was a strong woman, a bit of a spitfire, and I'm so glad to carry her on a bit within my own personality. And, of course, she'll always live on in my memories and in my heart. But my grampa & I really had something special. Maybe it's because I had more years with him so we were able to become closer and create more memories. Or maybe it was because we are very similar, old souls. I feel that. I know it's something we share. My grampa's death really hit me hard and that day still lives with me. I got to tell my grandma good-bye; I got to hear her say "I love you" one more time. I had closure. I have never had that with my grampa. 

I'm sharing with you the essay I wrote for the magazine contest..an Ode to my Grampa, a World War II Veteran:

My grandfather will forever be one of the most important people in my life.  The memories that stand out the most to me are the little moments. The small things that turned out to have the largest impact, as is commonly the case.

I remember him to be a family man, generous and giving, protective, wanting the best for those he loved. He had so much compassion for others. He never met a stranger, something my Dad inherited and passed down to me. He could talk to you about anything, but he also loved to listen. He always asked what was new in my life and would smile as I told him. He lived through his descendants in the end. 

I remember his dedication. From his infamous garden (he was known around town for his garden) to his daily Euchre games. He was the best Euchre player -- I’m so glad I was able to have him as my partner and learned from a legend. I remember seeing him every morning on his daily walk as I drove to school. And every time I see a sunflower, I am reminded of him, as his garden was lined in sunflowers he nurtured. 

When I think of my grandpa, I remember in the end when his sight was bad and I would drive him to his doctor’s appointments. I remember feeling inconvenienced at times but now, looking back, I wouldn’t have traded that responsibility for anything. After all the sacrifices he made for me, I was able to give back. To show that I cared. I had the pleasure of our talks on these drives and being a bright spot in his day.

When I think of my grampa, I remember going through photo albums of his Army days and listening to him talk for hours of his memories of Normandy and his WWII buddies. I remember on what turned out to be his last Veteran’s Day calling him and saying “Thank You” and how touched he was by that gesture.

When I think of my grampa, I remember a day about a month after he received his 6 months to live sentence, when I asked him if he was scared. I was supposed to see him the next week. He passed away 4 days later. Today, I am so thankful that our last conversation was one that let me know he was at peace, that he was okay.

When I think of my grampa, I remember his voice, and his accent. The way he would answer the phone, and the funny things he would say, like “davenport" (which is, apparently, a couch).

But mostly, I remember pride. Pride for his country, his service, his family. Pride for hard work and a job well done. Pride for being loyal, dependable, and true to your word. That’s what he’s given me. I learned the meaning of honorable pride from my grandfather and that’s what I carry with me everyday. 

ROOTS.

{be faithful to your roots -- they are the foundation of your existence and the secret to your successes}

Thursday I got together with my first best friends, Suzy & Elaine. Elaine and I have known each other since Kindergarten, Suzy joined us in middle school. We were inseparable and have shared so many memories and laughs. I definitely couldn't imagine my life without them. We all went to different high schools and even more distance grew as we went on to college. We've sparingly gotten together and bumped into each other along the way but finally made plans this past week. It was amazing -- we picked up right where we left off. We caught up on each other's lives, we reminisced…we laughed so hard my face hurt. I love these girls, they're like family to me and I knew that's a bond we'll always share. But reconnecting this week just made my heart so happy. Now that we are all back and settled in Columbus, I am looking forward to making this a more frequent occasion.

On Friday, three of my best friends from college and I had a slumber party. There is a 5th member of our group who lives out of state so she unfortunately couldn't be there with us. We missed her dearly but she was there in spirit AND we have a November trip planned to see her :) It may seem odd for a group of 28 year old women, two of whom are married, to have a slumber party…but we don't care! It was the best, and much needed! Not to mention hard to plan -- we picked this date back in June. It took three months for us to all have a Friday night available. {life is far too busy} We made dinner, had a couple drinks, made cookies and stayed up talking in our pj's until 3am!!! It was a perfect night and so, so fun.

Saturday morning, I got up and went to Capital's homecoming only so I would get to see my Zeta sisters. My sorority had such an impact on my college experience and the sisterhood I share with such wonderful women is something I can't explain to people on the outside. Choosing to join Zeta will always be one of the best decisions I've ever made. And, like the cases above, life gets in the way of staying in touch. People move, they juggle family, friends, careers…it gets hard to stay connected. Our Zetas have a pretty solid, unified base so we stay in touch as best as we can, even if it is mostly through the grapevine of Facebook. That's why homecoming is such a special occasion, it is so rare to all be reunited. 

My heart feels refreshed after these past few days of renewed relationships. It was good to get back to my roots, back to a place that feels like home. Between my family, and my LA home, my original best friends, my soul sisters, my sorority sisters…I feel reminded of how blessed I am to have all of these amazing women in my life that I know will always be there. In looking forward on where we are going, it is important to remember where we came from, what makes us who we are, and who was there with us along the way.  

Reflections

I love moments of inspiration. I started this post off with the intention of writing about my love for inspirational quotes by sharing some of my favorites. That was going to be it. But as I wrote, my post took on words of its own and a whole different theme emerged. I wrote what I needed to express. It wasn't pre-determined, it was not meticulously thought out. I just wrote. It came to realization on its own. I apparently needed that beautiful moment of inspiration tonight. This is why I love the art of writing. So here they are, my uninhibited thoughts:

One thing I really reflected on during my vacation was the importance of inner peace - of honoring the self. Life is so busy and full of constant changes that it becomes easy to just hurriedly go through the motions. It's like the goal is to make it through this one thing just to get on to the next when, in reality, the goal should be to experience each and every "thing." Live in the moment. It's what everyone says that they want to do or they resolve to do or it is hard to do. And living in the moment is hard to do, something I want to do, that I've resolved to do. And then I realized I always approach this challenge of living in the moment with the question "How?" How am I going to practice this? But I was asking the wrong question. I need to instead ask myself "Why?" Why hadn't it worked in the past? Why is it so hard? Why haven't I yet mastered the art of living in the moment?

I determined that it is because "live in the moment" looks like it belongs on a to-do list -- and who needs more to do? The very thought of having to do one more thing stresses me out, so of course I'm not going to be in a devoted state of awareness when I attempt it. I wasn't giving it my full self. I was treating the challenge as an action, another motion to race through, rather than as a sense of being.

NOW I can ask myself "How?" How do I get to a place where I am living in each and every moment just purely by means of existing, of being? The answer is, I discovered, by honoring the self. Taking care of your inner self. I feel that can mean different things for different people, multiple things for each individual, that it will be ever-changing, that it will take some work. For me, it goes back to one of my favorite quotes:

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. 

It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."

If I am calm in my heart, my mind will know peace. What better combination is there that will allow one's self to live in a moment? You won't be worrying about the trouble or hard work or noise because you will be at peace. And if you aren't worrying about those things?? Then of course you're going to be able to enjoy where you are -- in. each. moment. 

I'm going to carry those moments of reflection I enjoyed on vacation into my daily life. I don't want it to be scheduled or routine because then it goes back to becoming something on my to-do list. I am just going to make sure that I take some time each day to be with my inner self. I may focus on gratitude, or tests of strength, or inspiration..whatever my heart desires that day. The inner peace and calm will come, and as it does (I think) so will the ability to be in a state of "living in the moment."

Back to reality

It has been a long couple of weeks since I last posted due to a vacation out West and playing catch up ever since I got back. 

I had an amazing time being back out in LA with family and friends. It was a much needed getaway as it had been two years since I had seen these people who are so important in my life.  And, of course, one can use beautiful weather and the beach anytime!

My trip was perfect -- not an incredibly relaxing pace as I was constantly on the go but relaxing in that my mind was brought peace and my heart was made calm.  LA is my second home, the place my heart loves the most. So just being back felt comfortable and free. My shoulders felt a little less weighted and my breaths a little deeper.

My free mornings were spent having coffee and wonderful conversation with my great aunt who is one of my favorite people in this world. I feel a very special bond with her and miss her dearly when we're apart. The moments we spent together that week meant so much to me. I spent my free afternoons going to the beach. The awesome tan I got was just a bonus. I was perfectly happy to be sitting on the beach, watching and listening to the ocean waves roll in. One day I decided to stay and watch the sunset over the Pacific. It was absolutely beautiful and awe-inspiring. I was alone on the beach, with the exception of the six surfers out on the waves. It was so quiet, the perfect opportunity to contemplate the moment and live in it. I soaked up each and every second and my only thought was "Be here now."

Numerous dinners and brunches meant I got one on one time with all of my friends. One of my dearest friends and I spent a day shopping in Santa Monica, and a day by the pool. We went to visit another friend who just had a darling baby boy. Another friend and I went on hike at Griffith Park, one of my favorite places. I wrapped my week up with a weekend in Hollywood enjoying a fancy hotel room and a day on the rooftop lounging by the pool and drinking cocktails that were way too expensive but thoroughly enjoyed. I stayed with my gracious family for the week and got to enjoy some long over-due quality time with them as well. 

Anytime I leave LA, it is bittersweet. I'm always sad to leave my LA life, my family and friends there. I have so much fun when I'm there and know I'm just going to miss them so much when I get home. Yet, I miss things about home and always look forward to coming back as well. While flying home, I decided I am just going to relish in the blessing that is having two homes and two families to love, and who love you back. 

I'm at least glad to be back in time for my favorite season: FALL! Bring on Buckeye Football, Pumpkin Show, and crisp, cool weather begging for boots and sweaters. I'm going to take my renewed charge on life and delve into this new season of change -- I'm excited to see what's in store!

Perspective

I'm only a day into my vacation and I've already had humbling moments of perspective. 

Yesterday I was sitting on the runway forty-five minutes after my flight was supposed to leave when we learned we were twelfth in line for take off and it would be another twenty minutes. We were going to have more time involved at the airport than the trip was long (Vegas to LA -- about an hour in the air).  

I made friends with the girl beside me. We had a lot in common and I knew that this flight would be the extent of our relationship but already appreciated the brief connection. We started talking about the Louis C.K. bit about flying. Here we were about to complain about sitting on the runway when we were about to fly. Sitting in a chair. In the sky. Flying. Which takes such a short period of time compared to other means of travel. We talked about how crazed the people in the traffic control tower must be with twenty planes lined up and waiting to take off. And here we were sitting in an airplane, waiting to be able to cash in our drink vouchers, looking at the Vegas skyline. Suddenly a slight delay, during which I made a new friend, did not bother me at all. I felt calm, happy, relaxed -- thankful for the opportunity to soak in a beautiful moment. 

Another moment of perspective came at my younger cousin's first soccer game of the season. Some kids on the team were pretty good and had clearly played before. My cousin on the other hand was new to the team. I would have been so intimidated but he went out there and didn't seem overly nervous. The spectators were getting so into it and with every goal our team made, we wanted another one. Soon after my cousin subbed in, they came to the sidelines for a water break. Upon walking off the field my cousin declared "That was so much fun!"  He didn't even know the score of the game. I loved the reminder that we put so much pressure on kids to win, and not enough emphasis on having fun. Childhood, a time for no worries, lasts for such a short period of time, we need to let them savor it, teach them to savor it. Take a lesson from them that no matter what, you gotta have fun. Success is important, but so is how you play the game. In the end, no one (at least no one with any substance) cares how much money you made or if you were the absolute best. What does matter is that you were kind and had fun along the way. 

So much of our life is determined by our outlook. A shift in perspective is so good for the soul.