create your own peace.

I love pursuing enlightenment. Increasing my conscious awareness. I do this through a lot of reading, meditation and yoga. These practices enhance my understanding. The more I learn, the more I want to apply it to my life. The more I apply it to my life, the more I am called to share it with others. 

I am so deeply involved in my own desire-mapping, goal-planning and life-coaching because I really believe that the only way I can coach someone else through it is if I continue to go through the process. I need to continue to grow through the knowledge and experience of it. 

This afternoon was devoted to that. I completed my homework for my next life-coaching lesson. I re-evaluated my desire-map. I studied other’s teachings and experiences so that they could guide my own. I could have done this anywhere. But, I feel most inspired when I’m surrounded by nature. Today was a gorgeous day. I mean, if you could bottle up a day to keep forever, it would be today. And today’s perfect weather was begging to be experienced. 

So, I packed up my books and journals and headed out to my dock. I sat there and studied to the soundtrack of wind chimes, train whistles, leaves rustling, and a babbling fountain. The breeze was welcome, especially when it sprayed me with mist from the fountain. 

My current journey is a really exciting one. My process of discovery has helped me to create a clear vision for where I want need this path to lead. But this purposeful journey is also action packed. There is always room to push or challenge myself. There’s always a next thing to complete. It’s easy for me to get over-whelmed and feel hurried. 

I’d already allocated this afternoon to personal and professional development but it would have been so mundane to sit inside like I normally would have done. It would have felt so predictable and common and routine [read: boring.] I’m glad I listened to the call of the wild and headed outside. I got into a much clearer, peaceful state by doing so -- and I know that only increased the depth of today’s practice.  

Being present in nature, aware of and grateful for each movement, is so good for the soul. Today was a gentle reminder to find ways to break up the monotony of every day life. To create your own peace wherever you are, whenever you can. It’s within you -- listen to the call to tap into it. 

{Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.

It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.}

A summer love affair.

As I sit down to right this post, the breeze is blowing and I hear the rustle of the leaves and song of the wind chimes. I had to break out the long sleeves to sit on the patio today, the cool, crisp air an announcement that fall is here. 

I love fall. It’s not just the chill of the air and the comfy sweaters. I love the smells of country living in the fall; the changing of the leaves. Bonfires and hayrides. All things pumpkin. It’s just so cozy. 

But where did it come from? When did fall happen? When did summer end?

I was listening this morning to John Mayer’s “Something’s Missing” [because sometimes I just need to hear its lyrics.] One of the lines says, “When autumn comes, it doesn’t ask. It just walks in, where it left you last. You never know when it starts until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart.” I absolutely love that. This summer heart of mine..it’s sad today. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my summer romance.

My love affair with this summer began with my trip to California in July. I can’t really put into words how amazing of a visit this was. Quiet moments of solitude — moments to read, write and reflect. My days spent at the beach — my favorite place in the world to be. Morning coffees with my aunt — one of my favorite people in the world to talk to. Catching up with my friends there — strolling through a farmer’s market, having dinner, catching a show, taking a yoga class. Shopping or grabbing coffee. All simple pleasures of life but made into irreplaceable memories because of the company. My rest and relaxation was nicely balanced with having fun. Paddle boarding, boating in the Pacific, sky-diving, the adventures of making new friends. Letting my world intertwine with another’s, knowing that all paths cross for a reason, even if only briefly. It was insanely liberating to trust that and throw caution to the wind. It was an experience that taught me how it feels to follow your heart and do what makes you happy. To do what feels good and to have fun. It’s a lesson I hope to apply to my life moving forward, even though that perfect vacation by the water under the sun has ended. 

In August I was able to fly down to DC for a weekend to visit my original roomie. I flew in Saturday at noon and was gone by 8am Monday. It was the most amount of feel good vibes I’ve ever packed into such a short time span. It was good for the soul. She is one of my very best friends and it felt so good to be reunited. It had been over a year since we’d seen each other. {The best kind of friendships are the ones where you both make an effort to stay in touch over the distance. The kind of friendships where you pick up right where you left off.} We had heart-to-hearts and laughed so hard it hurt. We walked, we shopped, we walked some more. We explored Georgetown, checked out some of the touristy destinations and she showed me some of her favorite spots as a local. I experienced the event that is a DC brunch. [It started at 1pm Sunday and we were still going at 10pm Sunday!] It was such a tease, leaving us both wanting my trip to last longer but it was the perfect weekend refresher. 

And, finally, my weeklong getaway to North Carolina this past week. My mom and I drove down and rented a condo for a little mother-daughter retreat. I was really looking forward to this particular trip not only for time with my mom but also because my entire summer has been very fast-paced. I knew that this week my mom and I wouldn’t have anything to do but walk downstairs to the beach and sit there all day long. We woke up early each morning to catch the sunrise over the water and walk along the beach. I would drink my morning coffee on the balcony watching the surfers do their thing. {mesmerizing} Then we would make our way to the beach and just sun bathe all day. It was pretty hot so a dip in the water was incredibly refreshing. I napped. I read. But mainly I just sat there and listened to the waves crash and watched in awe the beauty of the ocean, trying to clear my head. I got used to starting my day with the sand between my toes, walking in the water. I got used to falling asleep to the sound of the surf.

This was the first summer being my own boss and it proved that the struggles of being an entrepreneur are worth the freedom it provides. When I wasn’t traveling, I had days where I could sit by the pool with friends. I practiced outdoor yoga. I had girl’s weekends. When others weren’t traveling, we got to catch up over happy hours or coffee. It was a summer of working hard, but playing harder.

I’m not ready to let go of summer but autumn is making us break up. So, summer, thank you. Thank you for being the happiest of my life. To quote Walt Whitman: “Summer romances…they’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they’re gone.” 

Stay.

I recently stumbled upon a quote that said "It's hard to turn to the next page when you already know your favorite character is going to vanish." It really struck me.

We all know people come into our lives for a reason. We learn something from them, we grow from our experiences with them. They may be here for awhile or quickly go, but either way, we are never the same. Either they will change your life, or you will change theirs. Maybe {hopefully} both. In my life I've met a lot of people who have helped me grow -- personally, spiritually, and professionally. I like to call them guides. Some have imparted wisdom. Some have made a conscious effort to teach me. Some have come and gone not even realizing the lessons they've taught me.

Some of my life lessons have definitely been disguised as struggles but I wouldn't change that. The times of adversity and the times when we experience the most discomfort are the times we change and grow the most. I was praying with a friend recently when she used the phrase "See the beauty in the struggle." I loved that. There is always beauty in the struggle. Even if we don't see it clearly at the time, it will become clear in the end. It is enough that we grew from the challenge and are a better person and in a better place because of it. That's beautiful in and of itself.

But sometimes there's even more beauty to recognize -- the ability we gain to let go of the person that put us in the position to learn that lesson. It is really hard to let go of someone who has been a part of your life. It takes time. It is really hard to accept that maybe they are one of these characters in your life story who has served their purpose and now must go. It feels terrible when that person goes before you've grasped the lesson they were sent here to teach you. But once you get there, to that point of clarity and awareness, it becomes much easier to let them go. Once you've achieved that, it kind of feels like being set free.

The guides in my life that have been positive influences have tended to stay around. I haven't really had to let them go. I keep connected with them because they inspire me, they keep me accountable. We continue to grow and learn together. These guides have consciously helped me. Those who have been my teachers without realizing it, they are the ones that have come and gone. And rightfully so. They've tended to be individuals who wouldn't be conducive to the happy, productive life I want to live. It would have been toxic to have them here for the long-haul. Even still, they are the ones most hard to let go of and say goodbye to. You just don't realize it at the time that they need to go. It's hard to understand while you're going through it. But, they need to leave. Whether you're ready for them to or not. That's the only way you can fully learn what they were sent to teach you.

But what's new for me is this: an excellent, positive, conscious guide that leaves before you're ready to turn the page. I recognize the beauty in this struggle. I recognize that this person came into my life just long enough to light a fire, to fill me to the brim with inspiration, to the point that I have no choice but to do something about it. That is awesome and I'm thankful for that. But I really am sad that they had to go so soon. Why couldn't they be here to see me through? To see the results of the positive way they've changed my life? To see the impact they've made? It doesn't make sense now, but hopefully it will someday. Someday I will understand. I want to move to the next page as this person inspired me to do. But, it's a little bittersweet because turning the page means letting go. I really hate that. I hate saying goodbye to one of my favorite characters. It's like the sad feeling you get when a really good book comes to an end.

Heart & Soul

I've written posts before about my CAMM girls -- my best friends from college. We're sisters in the purest, truest sense of the word. When I think about my girls, I'm always reminded of the quote from Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and The City when she says "Maybe our girlfriends are our soul mates and guys are just people to have fun with." It is honestly so true!

These girls have my heart, they're a part of my soul. My greatest blessing. They inspire me. They ground me. They accept me. And, most importantly, they make me LAUGH! 

laughin on the dock

We just got back from a weekend getaway to our friend's cabin on the quarry. We did nothing all weekend except relax and laugh. No cares, no schedule, no drama, no judgement. We consumed a lot of calories that didn't count and laughed until our faces hurt. We took photo after photo. We canoed and laid out on the floating dock. We laughed some more. We sat around in our pj's and played truth or truth and ate pizza and fell asleep at midnight. {Gone are the days of closing down the bars -- we've come full circle to middle school slumber parties!} After our hearty breakfast and coffee this morning, it was hard to hit the road back home. It was sad for such a wonderful, perfect weekend to come to an end.

The bond we share, how we can talk about everything and nothing, how we laugh and cry, the way we're there for one another. We make each other so happy, we understand, we're honest. Our group texts that get me through my days [they're pretty much the best iMessage thread you'll ever see in life]...all of these are reasons why I am certain I have the most amazing women in the world to call my best friends, my sisters, my soul mates. These women just literally have my heart and my only hope is that if any of us have daughters, they are blessed with a friendship as blissful as ours <3

Seek with Intention

"What you seek is seeking you."

~Rumi

My life in the two weeks since I've been back from California has been a dream. I have found clarity. I have found purpose. I have grown into a space that I didn't even know existed. 

I've always been an optimist; someone who can make the best of a situation. I've always been able to "bloom where I'm planted," as the saying goes. I'm just a happy person by nature. In the past year I've been free of a relationship, free of an employer. I immediately remove myself from situations that don't serve me. I immediately separate myself from toxic people. For these reasons, my life is pretty stress free. This life with my friends, my family, running my own business...it does make me happy. And I would be incredibly lucky for this life of mine to continue as it is. I am content existing in this world. 

But I seek to live; not exist. My West Coast inspired reflections have lit a fire within to seek a higher purpose. This renewed spark has caused me to live with greater intention. Intention. This is what has caused my life to change so much in the past two weeks. 

A couple months back I met with my life coach and in the middle of my ramblings about dreams that I had no clear action plan for, she could see that at least the wheels were turning. She said it felt like I was right on the cusp of something great. That I was at a major turning point if I just kept moving forward. Well, here I am. This is it. And it is so exciting I can't sleep at night. Honestly. 

See, in all of my thoughts over this last month of summer, I realized that I had grown complacent with where I was, probably because I did feel so happy. But I'm a whole new person compared to who I was last June. I truly feel like I have a second chance at life. I know that seems dramatic since I never was in a life-threatening situation but it's how I really feel. The simplest way to describe it is that I feel like I'm 25 all over again. Too young to be complacent with the rest of my life. That realization is all that it took. 

My heart, my sub-conscious, my soul -- they all took over from there. I'm living with the simple intention that I want something more and {what do you know} I'm getting just that. Things have been happening in my life these past two weeks that are a part of some bigger, better plan. Everything is aligning and my higher purpose is coming into view. And I haven't had to do a thing but be open to it. It's amazing how that works. 

Free Falling

I went to write my reflections from my recent annual trip to California [I've come out every summer since the 6 years I've moved back to Ohio], and found my notes from an entry I wrote on the plane out to LA a couple weeks ago. I somehow forgot to publish it, I guess.

Here's an excerpt: "It’s been almost a year since my last trip out to LA and I am so excited to be back. Even though I was born & raised in Columbus, visiting California truly feels like coming home. It’s nostalgic for me. It’s getting to travel back in time to a place in my life that was the best. It’s the only time during the year when my world stops spinning. I can freely be myself. I have no restrictions or responsibilities...I have a feeling these 2 weeks will be two of the best of my year."

It's uncanny how right I was. I can freely be myself.

If there's one way to describe the past two weeks, it is that: FREE.

Free. Happy. Fearless. Fun.
What a way to live. So incredibly exhilarating.

I felt free. My actions were free. I was just in each and every moment. I didn’t care what would happen the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week. I wanted to live every single moment to the fullest. There was no thought but feeling good, feeling happy, feeling free. My only intentions were to live life and have no regrets.

I crossed things off my bucket list {sky-diving!} tried new things {paddle boarding! thai food!} I even did things I hadn't known were on my bucket list until after all was said & done. You know it's a good time when you cross things off your list faster than you can put them on!

Each & every visit to LA marks the best time of my year. Obviously, it's nice to hang out at the beach during the day when my friends are at work and not have so many responsibilities -- although for the record, as a business owner, I DID work while I was there. But ultimately, it's not a vacation for me, it's a state of mind. One that I've missed.

The thing that was different about my trip this year compared to previous years was my headspace. Several years ago when I had just moved back to Ohio and would visit LA, I made excuses for not moving back out [it was too expensive to keep moving back and forth across the country; I needed to give my life in Ohio a chance to work out, etc. etc.] And then I was in a relationship for a couple years and didn't want to leave. This last year after my break-up, I needed to be home. It was a year of growth and challenges for me. But now, I am where I am for a reason. I have a new lease on life. I truly feel like I have a second chance. This made me see things so much clearer this time around. These little whispers I've been hearing for the past 6 years...they've gotten louder. They can no longer be ignored. I finally know, realize, accept what perhaps others have been able to sense all along. I'm a California girl. I belong there. I belong where I feel free.

It Takes a Village

When I started my blog a year ago, I did so for my love of writing. I did so as a way to express my thoughts & feelings. It truly is a therapy for me. My creative release. My writing is not only retrospective and a way to connect more deeply with myself, but it is also a way to offer some perspective to my readers.

When I started off, I didn't know how many people my blog would reach. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on its readers. I just hoped that it would inspire others in some small way.  We all lead our own lives, walk our own paths, write our own stories. I wanted to share my story so that I could be a part of my readers' journeys. I wanted to give a reminder that, while some of the specific details will change, we all go through a lot of similar challenges and joys in life.

What I did not expect is how many people would share in my journey with me. I've learned there are people who read my blog not necessarily as an inspiration for wherever they are in their journey, but as a way to support me in mine. That's a really good feeling.

Over the past few days, I've had a few people, all very dear to me, share something with me that I need to pass along to my readers. Empowering one another and learning from one another is a collaborative effort...I love that this blog has become a way to do that. I love that people think of sharing with others. We're all in this together.

First, someone shared this article with me. It's about the ambiguity that exists in dating these days, mostly due to a lack of clear communication. Someone doesn't want to clarify what it is they are looking for in a relationship or someone doesn't communicate how they feel towards another as a way to protect and guard their emotions. I can relate to that. Past experiences teach you to have a guard up. It's tough to put yourself out there completely. And when both people aren't being fully open and honest, it leads to a lot of second guessing, a lot of over-analyzing and a lot of insecurity. The article is a great read, and full of insight into relationships.

A few quotes I've been turing over in my mind lately: "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone" and "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I feel confident and comfortable being single so I'm not going to give that up for just anyone. That's why the timing for my friend sharing this article with me was perfect. It sheds light on recognizing the emotionally unavailable. This friend ended her note to me with "The clarity and self confidence you gain as you learn to recognize and walk away from the 'emotionally unavailable' only happen when you are able to truly embrace yourself." It was such a positive affirmation. Our journey with ourselves is to gain clarity and self confidence. To love & embrace yourself first. It does give us the confidence to stand alone until we can recognize those qualities in another person. It meant the world to me that my friend understood and supported that concept, and felt it important to share with me & my readers.

Along those same lines, I stumbled upon this song recently.  Besides the fact that her voice is amazing, the lyrics are incredible and spoke straight to my heart. I shared it with my friends. In response, my AKS sent me a link to this video. She's my rock and knows how I feel and what I need to hear. It was such a wonderful reminder of the cheerleaders I have on my side. Another reminder that we're all in this together and that sharing in one another's journeys is reciprocal.

And lastly, my cousin (we were more like sisters growing up!) shared with me the book she's been reading. Having read my last blog post, she said it would definitely be right up my alley. The book is called "The Truth of Everything" by Brianna Wiest. My cousin has sent me a few excerpts and I have already ordered my copy - it's one of those well-written books where the words just hit you. You feel them in your heart. I can't wait to read it cover to cover. It speaks to the process of my own journey, and I think it will do the same for my readers. I'm including below text from the chapter Things Happy People Know. 

©Thought Catalog 2014

Thank you for sharing in my journey and thank you for allowing me to share in yours.

100 Happy Days

As I sat down to write, the only thought {feeling} that came to mind was happiness. Even with all that's been going on in my life this summer, all I can really focus on is how happy I am. The only constant through it all has been positivity.

A couple of months ago I joined an online community challenge of posting one picture per day for 100 days. The picture had to be something that made you happy that day. When you sign up, you are told that 71% of people quit before they get to the 100th day. BUT, those people who completed the full 100 day challenge reported: being more observant of what made them happy each day, being in a better mood every day, receiving more compliments, being more optimistic, becoming more aware of how lucky they are and falling in love during the 100 days.

I started the 100 happy day project a couple months after I started my gratitude project. My gratitude project is simple: each evening, I write down 5 things about that day that I am especially grateful for. I've always been someone who is very appreciative and thankful for the blessings in my life. But it's easy to say a prayer of thanks for the obvious blessings in our lives. My gratitude project has made me become more aware of the little things that happen in daily life that make me feel happy and put a smile on my face.

I truly believe that the reason for my recent increase of not just feeling happy but also the realization that I am feeling happy, is because of my gratitude project and my 100 happy days project. {In addition to the results of the 100 happy day challenge mentioned above, practicing gratitude has been shown to increase happiness levels by 25%} Both of these projects have made my happiness deeper and more meaningful. I now notice the little things throughout the day. In these moments I am fully present, unaware of the passing time. I am only aware that I feel good. There are so many small opportunities throughout the day that have the ability to add some positivity to our daily experiences, if we only notice. All of these small things add up to one big, really great day.

I am a bit restless with where I am in life at this exact moment [more on that in a later post] but even when my mind wanders to all of the worries and what-ifs and if-onlys, I catch myself. Thoughts that used to bring me down no longer have the power to do so. A worrisome thought doesn't last long in my mind. I immediately overcome it with positive vibes and I think to myself "But I'm just so happy!" I don't care about what isn't perfect, or what could go wrong. It doesn't matter because I'm happy. It is amazing to not feel stress..there is a freedom in that. The contentment, the inner peace. My happiness allows me to be here now, to surrender to whatever will be.

Even if you don't commit to the 100 happy days challenge or don't start your own gratitude project, I urge you to try to take notice of the little moments in your daily lives. The simple joys that warm your heart. I have probably never had more uncertainty in my life than I do right now and yet I couldn't be happier.

For more on the 100 Happy Days challenge or How gratitude can change your life, 

visit these sites: http://100happydays.com and http://www.thechangeblog.com/gratitude/

The Single Guy Project?

Okay, so you all know from reading this blog that the Single Girl Project started as way to find myself again. At the start of this project, almost a year ago, I had become almost unrecognizable. Some Meghanisms were still there but they were a bit suppressed and lost. And some pieces of me I had let deteriorate completely. It's been an amazing experience getting to know myself again. I feel so happy and healthy - in mind and in body. It feels so good to be back. I know myself better than ever before and I'm confident in who I am, what I can offer and what I deserve. The lessons learned during a two year relationship and painful breakup have taught me to not just be the best version of myself, but to be a better friend and a better partner...a better human being in general.

Best of all, those lessons taught me what hard work it is to learn more about yourself. It's an investment and it's a challenge. It comes with adversity and set backs. But those experiences make it mean so much more when you get to where I am now. It's one thing to discover more about yourself as you live your way through life's lessons. It's another to fully appreciate the darkness that you walked through. If this knowledge were just handed to me, it would be so easy to let go of it and forget (like the first go 'round). But this time, I earned it. And that means I am going to hold onto who I am with a fierce, protective grip. Now that I have put in the emotionally exhausting work of discovering myself again, I will never again let it be compromised or sacrificed. I am so thankful for the journey that got me to where I am today. I wouldn't change one thing about the last three years of my life because it made me who I am today. But I only want to go through it once. Keep moving forward.

From here on out, if something [or someone] doesn't serve me or make me happy, it has no room in my life. I admit, that is a hard, fine line to follow. Relationships take work, sacrifice and compromise. As human beings, we are (or at least should be) constantly evolving and changing, just hopefully for the better. And that is what I want. If someone is going to influence my life in a way that changes who I am, let it be for the better or let it be not at all. And if I stumble upon some man who seems like a nice enough guy, but for whatever reason we just don't click on some level, I'm gonna let that man go. There is someone else out there who he will make happier than he will make me. I don't need a male companion so desperately that I will sacrifice who I am to achieve it. {For what it's worth, I didn't think I did that the first time around, but now I know enough to recognize it if this starts to happen in the future.}

Which brings me to The Single Guy Project, or apparent lack-thereof. Based on inadvertent field research over the past few months, I have determined that not enough -single- men out there (any?) work on themselves at all. It's very exasperating. Let me provide you with some examples.

Male A, 33 -  When I couldn't take his call because I was busy with a going away party and a holiday party one night with friends, "I can allow you to be busy with work and family but I don't want to be blown off for parties with friends." [For the record, we had talked on the phone once or twice and not yet met in person - we never did.]

Male B, 38 - When I declined a dinner date (because he was 38 and used cheesy pick up lines on not just me, but ALL of my friends), "It's a free meal."

Male C, 36 - While trying to impress me during our initial meeting, "I paid extra to park my car in front of Hyde Park."

This is why I don't date. I mean, come on. Please tell me that you have something more to sell yourself on than money. I don't care that you can pay for my dinner, I don't need that. I also couldn't care less where you parked your car. I am actually the opposite of impressed that you PAID MONEY to park it where everyone can see it. I would hope that candidates pushing 40 would have more substance to offer than this. Maybe sell yourself on your personality, your conversational skills, your interest in worldly topics...something other than a dinner partner that will take care of the bill.

I need a man who has some good life experiences through which he has learned about himself. I need a man that has made a project out of getting to know who he is so well that he won't lose himself. I need this because my therapist told me (and I listened) that I can't make someone else my project. They need to be their own project. An individual can change, evolve and fix themselves, no one else. We are all really a work in progress, I just need a man that realizes this. If he knows who he is and what he is worth, he will recognize the same in me.

I, of course, want a man who shares my same interests and has a compatible personality. But I also really need someone with some depth, a man that I can relate to. A man who understands me because he has not only experienced but appreciated his own life journey. A man who has seized the opportunity to learn life lessons. Instead, I have thus far bumped into men who seemingly view women as something to win over with money or sex appeal. That works for some women I'm sure but if a man wants a woman like that, then I don't want him and any efforts to win me over will be wasted.

I am an eternal optimist. I see hope in every situation. So I'm going to wait for the right man, the one who values my Single Girl Project and who has hopefully endured his own version. I would much rather be amazingly happy and single, doing my own thing and living {and loving!} my life than only mildly happy with a man who has nothing interesting to talk about over dinner at a fancy restaurant, just so I have someone to pick up the tab. Besides, my friends make much better dinner partners than that! :)