The Single Guy Project?

Okay, so you all know from reading this blog that the Single Girl Project started as way to find myself again. At the start of this project, almost a year ago, I had become almost unrecognizable. Some Meghanisms were still there but they were a bit suppressed and lost. And some pieces of me I had let deteriorate completely. It's been an amazing experience getting to know myself again. I feel so happy and healthy - in mind and in body. It feels so good to be back. I know myself better than ever before and I'm confident in who I am, what I can offer and what I deserve. The lessons learned during a two year relationship and painful breakup have taught me to not just be the best version of myself, but to be a better friend and a better partner...a better human being in general.

Best of all, those lessons taught me what hard work it is to learn more about yourself. It's an investment and it's a challenge. It comes with adversity and set backs. But those experiences make it mean so much more when you get to where I am now. It's one thing to discover more about yourself as you live your way through life's lessons. It's another to fully appreciate the darkness that you walked through. If this knowledge were just handed to me, it would be so easy to let go of it and forget (like the first go 'round). But this time, I earned it. And that means I am going to hold onto who I am with a fierce, protective grip. Now that I have put in the emotionally exhausting work of discovering myself again, I will never again let it be compromised or sacrificed. I am so thankful for the journey that got me to where I am today. I wouldn't change one thing about the last three years of my life because it made me who I am today. But I only want to go through it once. Keep moving forward.

From here on out, if something [or someone] doesn't serve me or make me happy, it has no room in my life. I admit, that is a hard, fine line to follow. Relationships take work, sacrifice and compromise. As human beings, we are (or at least should be) constantly evolving and changing, just hopefully for the better. And that is what I want. If someone is going to influence my life in a way that changes who I am, let it be for the better or let it be not at all. And if I stumble upon some man who seems like a nice enough guy, but for whatever reason we just don't click on some level, I'm gonna let that man go. There is someone else out there who he will make happier than he will make me. I don't need a male companion so desperately that I will sacrifice who I am to achieve it. {For what it's worth, I didn't think I did that the first time around, but now I know enough to recognize it if this starts to happen in the future.}

Which brings me to The Single Guy Project, or apparent lack-thereof. Based on inadvertent field research over the past few months, I have determined that not enough -single- men out there (any?) work on themselves at all. It's very exasperating. Let me provide you with some examples.

Male A, 33 -  When I couldn't take his call because I was busy with a going away party and a holiday party one night with friends, "I can allow you to be busy with work and family but I don't want to be blown off for parties with friends." [For the record, we had talked on the phone once or twice and not yet met in person - we never did.]

Male B, 38 - When I declined a dinner date (because he was 38 and used cheesy pick up lines on not just me, but ALL of my friends), "It's a free meal."

Male C, 36 - While trying to impress me during our initial meeting, "I paid extra to park my car in front of Hyde Park."

This is why I don't date. I mean, come on. Please tell me that you have something more to sell yourself on than money. I don't care that you can pay for my dinner, I don't need that. I also couldn't care less where you parked your car. I am actually the opposite of impressed that you PAID MONEY to park it where everyone can see it. I would hope that candidates pushing 40 would have more substance to offer than this. Maybe sell yourself on your personality, your conversational skills, your interest in worldly topics...something other than a dinner partner that will take care of the bill.

I need a man who has some good life experiences through which he has learned about himself. I need a man that has made a project out of getting to know who he is so well that he won't lose himself. I need this because my therapist told me (and I listened) that I can't make someone else my project. They need to be their own project. An individual can change, evolve and fix themselves, no one else. We are all really a work in progress, I just need a man that realizes this. If he knows who he is and what he is worth, he will recognize the same in me.

I, of course, want a man who shares my same interests and has a compatible personality. But I also really need someone with some depth, a man that I can relate to. A man who understands me because he has not only experienced but appreciated his own life journey. A man who has seized the opportunity to learn life lessons. Instead, I have thus far bumped into men who seemingly view women as something to win over with money or sex appeal. That works for some women I'm sure but if a man wants a woman like that, then I don't want him and any efforts to win me over will be wasted.

I am an eternal optimist. I see hope in every situation. So I'm going to wait for the right man, the one who values my Single Girl Project and who has hopefully endured his own version. I would much rather be amazingly happy and single, doing my own thing and living {and loving!} my life than only mildly happy with a man who has nothing interesting to talk about over dinner at a fancy restaurant, just so I have someone to pick up the tab. Besides, my friends make much better dinner partners than that! :)