Free Falling

I went to write my reflections from my recent annual trip to California [I've come out every summer since the 6 years I've moved back to Ohio], and found my notes from an entry I wrote on the plane out to LA a couple weeks ago. I somehow forgot to publish it, I guess.

Here's an excerpt: "It’s been almost a year since my last trip out to LA and I am so excited to be back. Even though I was born & raised in Columbus, visiting California truly feels like coming home. It’s nostalgic for me. It’s getting to travel back in time to a place in my life that was the best. It’s the only time during the year when my world stops spinning. I can freely be myself. I have no restrictions or responsibilities...I have a feeling these 2 weeks will be two of the best of my year."

It's uncanny how right I was. I can freely be myself.

If there's one way to describe the past two weeks, it is that: FREE.

Free. Happy. Fearless. Fun.
What a way to live. So incredibly exhilarating.

I felt free. My actions were free. I was just in each and every moment. I didn’t care what would happen the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week. I wanted to live every single moment to the fullest. There was no thought but feeling good, feeling happy, feeling free. My only intentions were to live life and have no regrets.

I crossed things off my bucket list {sky-diving!} tried new things {paddle boarding! thai food!} I even did things I hadn't known were on my bucket list until after all was said & done. You know it's a good time when you cross things off your list faster than you can put them on!

Each & every visit to LA marks the best time of my year. Obviously, it's nice to hang out at the beach during the day when my friends are at work and not have so many responsibilities -- although for the record, as a business owner, I DID work while I was there. But ultimately, it's not a vacation for me, it's a state of mind. One that I've missed.

The thing that was different about my trip this year compared to previous years was my headspace. Several years ago when I had just moved back to Ohio and would visit LA, I made excuses for not moving back out [it was too expensive to keep moving back and forth across the country; I needed to give my life in Ohio a chance to work out, etc. etc.] And then I was in a relationship for a couple years and didn't want to leave. This last year after my break-up, I needed to be home. It was a year of growth and challenges for me. But now, I am where I am for a reason. I have a new lease on life. I truly feel like I have a second chance. This made me see things so much clearer this time around. These little whispers I've been hearing for the past 6 years...they've gotten louder. They can no longer be ignored. I finally know, realize, accept what perhaps others have been able to sense all along. I'm a California girl. I belong there. I belong where I feel free.