Seek with Intention

"What you seek is seeking you."

~Rumi

My life in the two weeks since I've been back from California has been a dream. I have found clarity. I have found purpose. I have grown into a space that I didn't even know existed. 

I've always been an optimist; someone who can make the best of a situation. I've always been able to "bloom where I'm planted," as the saying goes. I'm just a happy person by nature. In the past year I've been free of a relationship, free of an employer. I immediately remove myself from situations that don't serve me. I immediately separate myself from toxic people. For these reasons, my life is pretty stress free. This life with my friends, my family, running my own business...it does make me happy. And I would be incredibly lucky for this life of mine to continue as it is. I am content existing in this world. 

But I seek to live; not exist. My West Coast inspired reflections have lit a fire within to seek a higher purpose. This renewed spark has caused me to live with greater intention. Intention. This is what has caused my life to change so much in the past two weeks. 

A couple months back I met with my life coach and in the middle of my ramblings about dreams that I had no clear action plan for, she could see that at least the wheels were turning. She said it felt like I was right on the cusp of something great. That I was at a major turning point if I just kept moving forward. Well, here I am. This is it. And it is so exciting I can't sleep at night. Honestly. 

See, in all of my thoughts over this last month of summer, I realized that I had grown complacent with where I was, probably because I did feel so happy. But I'm a whole new person compared to who I was last June. I truly feel like I have a second chance at life. I know that seems dramatic since I never was in a life-threatening situation but it's how I really feel. The simplest way to describe it is that I feel like I'm 25 all over again. Too young to be complacent with the rest of my life. That realization is all that it took. 

My heart, my sub-conscious, my soul -- they all took over from there. I'm living with the simple intention that I want something more and {what do you know} I'm getting just that. Things have been happening in my life these past two weeks that are a part of some bigger, better plan. Everything is aligning and my higher purpose is coming into view. And I haven't had to do a thing but be open to it. It's amazing how that works. 

Free Falling

I went to write my reflections from my recent annual trip to California [I've come out every summer since the 6 years I've moved back to Ohio], and found my notes from an entry I wrote on the plane out to LA a couple weeks ago. I somehow forgot to publish it, I guess.

Here's an excerpt: "It’s been almost a year since my last trip out to LA and I am so excited to be back. Even though I was born & raised in Columbus, visiting California truly feels like coming home. It’s nostalgic for me. It’s getting to travel back in time to a place in my life that was the best. It’s the only time during the year when my world stops spinning. I can freely be myself. I have no restrictions or responsibilities...I have a feeling these 2 weeks will be two of the best of my year."

It's uncanny how right I was. I can freely be myself.

If there's one way to describe the past two weeks, it is that: FREE.

Free. Happy. Fearless. Fun.
What a way to live. So incredibly exhilarating.

I felt free. My actions were free. I was just in each and every moment. I didn’t care what would happen the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next week. I wanted to live every single moment to the fullest. There was no thought but feeling good, feeling happy, feeling free. My only intentions were to live life and have no regrets.

I crossed things off my bucket list {sky-diving!} tried new things {paddle boarding! thai food!} I even did things I hadn't known were on my bucket list until after all was said & done. You know it's a good time when you cross things off your list faster than you can put them on!

Each & every visit to LA marks the best time of my year. Obviously, it's nice to hang out at the beach during the day when my friends are at work and not have so many responsibilities -- although for the record, as a business owner, I DID work while I was there. But ultimately, it's not a vacation for me, it's a state of mind. One that I've missed.

The thing that was different about my trip this year compared to previous years was my headspace. Several years ago when I had just moved back to Ohio and would visit LA, I made excuses for not moving back out [it was too expensive to keep moving back and forth across the country; I needed to give my life in Ohio a chance to work out, etc. etc.] And then I was in a relationship for a couple years and didn't want to leave. This last year after my break-up, I needed to be home. It was a year of growth and challenges for me. But now, I am where I am for a reason. I have a new lease on life. I truly feel like I have a second chance. This made me see things so much clearer this time around. These little whispers I've been hearing for the past 6 years...they've gotten louder. They can no longer be ignored. I finally know, realize, accept what perhaps others have been able to sense all along. I'm a California girl. I belong there. I belong where I feel free.

It Takes a Village

When I started my blog a year ago, I did so for my love of writing. I did so as a way to express my thoughts & feelings. It truly is a therapy for me. My creative release. My writing is not only retrospective and a way to connect more deeply with myself, but it is also a way to offer some perspective to my readers.

When I started off, I didn't know how many people my blog would reach. I didn't know how much of an impact it would have on its readers. I just hoped that it would inspire others in some small way.  We all lead our own lives, walk our own paths, write our own stories. I wanted to share my story so that I could be a part of my readers' journeys. I wanted to give a reminder that, while some of the specific details will change, we all go through a lot of similar challenges and joys in life.

What I did not expect is how many people would share in my journey with me. I've learned there are people who read my blog not necessarily as an inspiration for wherever they are in their journey, but as a way to support me in mine. That's a really good feeling.

Over the past few days, I've had a few people, all very dear to me, share something with me that I need to pass along to my readers. Empowering one another and learning from one another is a collaborative effort...I love that this blog has become a way to do that. I love that people think of sharing with others. We're all in this together.

First, someone shared this article with me. It's about the ambiguity that exists in dating these days, mostly due to a lack of clear communication. Someone doesn't want to clarify what it is they are looking for in a relationship or someone doesn't communicate how they feel towards another as a way to protect and guard their emotions. I can relate to that. Past experiences teach you to have a guard up. It's tough to put yourself out there completely. And when both people aren't being fully open and honest, it leads to a lot of second guessing, a lot of over-analyzing and a lot of insecurity. The article is a great read, and full of insight into relationships.

A few quotes I've been turing over in my mind lately: "I know what I bring to the table so trust me when I say I'm not afraid to eat alone" and "My alone feels so good, I'll only have you if you're sweeter than my solitude." I feel confident and comfortable being single so I'm not going to give that up for just anyone. That's why the timing for my friend sharing this article with me was perfect. It sheds light on recognizing the emotionally unavailable. This friend ended her note to me with "The clarity and self confidence you gain as you learn to recognize and walk away from the 'emotionally unavailable' only happen when you are able to truly embrace yourself." It was such a positive affirmation. Our journey with ourselves is to gain clarity and self confidence. To love & embrace yourself first. It does give us the confidence to stand alone until we can recognize those qualities in another person. It meant the world to me that my friend understood and supported that concept, and felt it important to share with me & my readers.

Along those same lines, I stumbled upon this song recently.  Besides the fact that her voice is amazing, the lyrics are incredible and spoke straight to my heart. I shared it with my friends. In response, my AKS sent me a link to this video. She's my rock and knows how I feel and what I need to hear. It was such a wonderful reminder of the cheerleaders I have on my side. Another reminder that we're all in this together and that sharing in one another's journeys is reciprocal.

And lastly, my cousin (we were more like sisters growing up!) shared with me the book she's been reading. Having read my last blog post, she said it would definitely be right up my alley. The book is called "The Truth of Everything" by Brianna Wiest. My cousin has sent me a few excerpts and I have already ordered my copy - it's one of those well-written books where the words just hit you. You feel them in your heart. I can't wait to read it cover to cover. It speaks to the process of my own journey, and I think it will do the same for my readers. I'm including below text from the chapter Things Happy People Know. 

©Thought Catalog 2014

Thank you for sharing in my journey and thank you for allowing me to share in yours.

100 Happy Days

As I sat down to write, the only thought {feeling} that came to mind was happiness. Even with all that's been going on in my life this summer, all I can really focus on is how happy I am. The only constant through it all has been positivity.

A couple of months ago I joined an online community challenge of posting one picture per day for 100 days. The picture had to be something that made you happy that day. When you sign up, you are told that 71% of people quit before they get to the 100th day. BUT, those people who completed the full 100 day challenge reported: being more observant of what made them happy each day, being in a better mood every day, receiving more compliments, being more optimistic, becoming more aware of how lucky they are and falling in love during the 100 days.

I started the 100 happy day project a couple months after I started my gratitude project. My gratitude project is simple: each evening, I write down 5 things about that day that I am especially grateful for. I've always been someone who is very appreciative and thankful for the blessings in my life. But it's easy to say a prayer of thanks for the obvious blessings in our lives. My gratitude project has made me become more aware of the little things that happen in daily life that make me feel happy and put a smile on my face.

I truly believe that the reason for my recent increase of not just feeling happy but also the realization that I am feeling happy, is because of my gratitude project and my 100 happy days project. {In addition to the results of the 100 happy day challenge mentioned above, practicing gratitude has been shown to increase happiness levels by 25%} Both of these projects have made my happiness deeper and more meaningful. I now notice the little things throughout the day. In these moments I am fully present, unaware of the passing time. I am only aware that I feel good. There are so many small opportunities throughout the day that have the ability to add some positivity to our daily experiences, if we only notice. All of these small things add up to one big, really great day.

I am a bit restless with where I am in life at this exact moment [more on that in a later post] but even when my mind wanders to all of the worries and what-ifs and if-onlys, I catch myself. Thoughts that used to bring me down no longer have the power to do so. A worrisome thought doesn't last long in my mind. I immediately overcome it with positive vibes and I think to myself "But I'm just so happy!" I don't care about what isn't perfect, or what could go wrong. It doesn't matter because I'm happy. It is amazing to not feel stress..there is a freedom in that. The contentment, the inner peace. My happiness allows me to be here now, to surrender to whatever will be.

Even if you don't commit to the 100 happy days challenge or don't start your own gratitude project, I urge you to try to take notice of the little moments in your daily lives. The simple joys that warm your heart. I have probably never had more uncertainty in my life than I do right now and yet I couldn't be happier.

For more on the 100 Happy Days challenge or How gratitude can change your life, 

visit these sites: http://100happydays.com and http://www.thechangeblog.com/gratitude/

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

The last few nights I haven't been able to get my mind to stop racing. I'm mentally and physically exhausted and can't seem to fall asleep. Since being free of my last relationship and leaving a miserable job, my life has been pretty stress-free so it's probably more anxiety than stress...the anticipation of all of the irons I have in the fire lately. I have my yoga and my writing that help keep me focused and grounded but even these therapies and meditations haven't been able to get me to relax at night this week.

So, last night as I was trying to fall asleep, instead of thinking about all of the things going on in my life [worrying about them at 12 o clock at night isn't going to solve anything], I tried to focus on the "Be Here Now" mantra. I reflected on where I am right now in my life and tried to look at what I might be missing when I only focus on where these things are taking me in the future. 

I was with my best girlfriends last night and, as we always do, we went around the table and talked about what's new in our lives. Most of them have things going on. They are actively doing what they need to do to get to the next step or they know what the next step is and they're preparing themselves to take action to get to that point. I can't say that I feel like I'm in the same place. I have long-term goals [that's one of the things I'm working on through my life coaching & life transformation project] and I'm always working on putting the next thing in motion but at the same time, all of these things are going to take their slow, sweet time to come to fruition.

Life is made up of ebbs and flows. It's almost like a hurry up and wait process. Well, I feel like I am in one of the waiting stages. This might be where some of the stress or anxiety is coming from -- I am not the most patient person. I feel the root of every challenge I've faced has been God's way of trying to teach me patience. Living in the moment and not being too eager to get to the next thing before I've enjoyed the present is not something that comes easily to me.

I've written in my blogs before that embracing the moment and "being here now" are practices that I want to master and live by. It's an ongoing process. It's a habit. It's like exercise, you have to constantly do it and work at it. You don't just get to your PR for your pace or your weight and then stop. You have to keep doing it. This mindset of being here now is the same way.

Last night I reminded myself to enjoy the moment. To not feel directionless just because day to day things don't seem to change. In 10 years, I'm going to look back on my life at 29 and smile {and miss it!} because it will probably be the one time where my daily life was made up of doing work I love, for myself & on my own time, hanging out with my friends and taking care of my body. Sure, I have bills and things that I need to check off my life-to-do list in the next 6 months. But even with those responsibilities, it's just me that I have to worry about and take care of. I don't have a household depending on me or a boss to answer to. If I want to write a blog post at 9am, I can. If I want to wake up and work out and not start work till 11am, I can. If I want to break in my day for an hour coffee date with a friend, I can. If I want to be busy every night of the week with different girlfriends, I can. If I want to spend a Saturday night at home, relaxed & comfortable on my couch, I can. I have a pretty great life. One that I love and that I get to spend with people I love. I can't be anxious about getting so quickly to the next thing. Quality versus quantity. I need to enjoy my quality of life and understand that just because it may sometimes seem like I'm wandering and not really getting anywhere, I'm not really lost at all. 

Climbing Your Mountain

I had a great one on one coaching session with Julie, my life coach, today. I was reminded of the importance of "not going it alone." For the past couple of weeks, I've seemed to go through everything in life a little ho-hum, just accepting the status quo, which isn't exciting for me at all. After talking with Julie about changes in my life since our last meeting, she brought fresh perspective to where I am. We talked about how to use where I am now in certain aspects of my life as stepping stones. We talked about how I want to use these stepping stones and where I want them to take me. In reality, all experiences in life are stepping stones and life coaching is there to help us figure out how to use them, I guess I had just lost sight of that for a brief moment. This coaching session was just what I needed today to reenergize. I left feeling very excited and motivated, with a reset focus on purpose, plans and goals.

In life coaching and in her studio, Julie focuses on The 7 Life Miracles. There was one in particular that themed my life this week: Climb -- Conquer your mountains. May was crazy busy for me and I did not stay as committed to my workouts as I prefer to. When June came about, I knew I had to get back into the workout routine. This habit of not working out regularly does not serve me. I need to stick to my routine for me, because working out keeps me healthy and it makes me feel good. For June, I also had some extrinsic motivation as well, including my California vacation coming up next month! [Gotta get bikini ready ;)]

So, this week I hit the ground running, literally. I ran almost every morning. The days I ran, I also lifted and did my ab work. The days I didn't run, I did Pilates or Yoga. Because it had been a month since I had exercised almost every day of the week, this was definitely a challenge.  There were moments when I literally felt like I was climbing a mountain. I had to stay focused on that goal of attaining what was there at the top. I had to encourage myself to push through. Julie taught my Pilates classes and was an amazing leader, keeping me motivated to power through. The rewards are so worth it, though. Feeling your body push itself and attain higher levels of fitness is a great feeling and makes the effort exerted worthwhile.

Julie & I talked in our session today about how it seems as if there a lot of things in the works in my life right now that all could lead to something great. It's like I am right at the cusp, at the turning point. If I put a few more things in motion, or let some things play out, I'll find myself reaching the top of that mountain. It's uplifting to see months and months of work and action finally start to take shape and lead to some of my long-term goals.

We also talked about how we mustn't stop climbing just when we think we've reached the top. For me, I may attain a business or personal goal, but that may only be temporary. Maybe that business success will lead to a future goal. Or maybe my business will face adversity that will propel me into something bigger & better that I otherwise would have never reached for. Maybe a relationship won't last forever. But all of our mountains are there to teach us something, and they are there for us when we need it most in our lives.

Climb. Have fun and enjoy the journey. Have 20 seconds of insane courage and something great will come of it. Risk leads to reward. Reach towards your goal. Conquer your mountain.

One Day at a Time

May was a busy month -- as it always is.

May starts off with my birthday :) Then, spring turns into summer and suddenly it's a race to get to this event, or that patio happy hour. Business picks up as people get a refreshed energy boost...all wonderful, amazing happenings that just seem to sneak up on me every year. Before I know it, May is over and I have a month full of amazing memories to carry with me.

My birthday this year came with a lot of pressure -- it's my last year in my twenties! I feel as if I have to go out with a bang and squeeze every last drop out of 29! I want 29 to just be FUN!

I decided to take the risk in committing to the dating game. That never seemed fun to me before, and doesn't really coincide with my plan to wait for some Heaven-sent guy to cross my path. But, I decided to give myself the summer to put myself out there and be more willing and open to meet different guys. This doesn't quite come naturally to me. I was never a serial dater in the past. I've had one serious relationship. If I don't feel an instant connection or if I can't see you in my future, I check out. I view it as a waste of time. I don't typically date to date, I date for a long-term purpose or goal. So this new concept has been hard for me.

I was a little concerned that I was biting off more than I could chew. I'm someone who values my time, especially my downtime. I can't run myself too thin going from one thing to the next constantly. There's an anxiety that comes with adding dates to my calendar, on top of client meetings, workouts and happy hours with girlfriends. I'm a month in and I've met a lot of wonderful guys although, to be honest, it is a bit draining. It's fun and a great way to meet nice people. But the waiting game of seeing where it goes or even knowing where I want it to go is the hard and exhausting part for me.

Even if I don't find my person that carries me off into the sunset to live happily ever after, I am at least hoping for great stories to share here on The Single Girl Project. But, I'm determined to just persevere and take it one day at a time. Summertime is meant to be busy and, most importantly, fun! Here's hoping!