The knot at the end of my rope

There seems to be a stigma associated with going to therapy. I am here to tell you that going to see a counselor has been the best thing that I have ever done for myself. Literally. I mean that with every part of who I am. It is not a sign of weakness. It takes strength to work on yourself. 

I first sought out counseling in the very early months of 2013. There were certain things I was bringing into my relationship that were not healthy. I realized this and wanted to change. I wanted to be enough on my own or with my partner to fix the problem. But I learned time and time again that I just didn't have the tools to make it possible. I knew if I wanted to be better, I had to try something new. {you can't do what you've always done and expect different results} I made an appointment to meet with Mark, a counselor that came highly recommended from a very dear friend and couple. 

I loved my sessions with Mark. Mark is a very thoughtful listener (a necessary trait in his profession) and such a gentle spirit. Spending an hour talking about yourself, the hard parts about yourself, is a very vulnerable position to be in and yet he makes you feel very safe, very comfortable. Another really amazing thing about Mark is that he guides you to discover more about yourself. He doesn't sit there and tell you what you need to do or how to do it. He asks you questions you would never think to ask yourself and then you learn your way into the answer. It is a truly empowering experience. How could something YOU do, albeit with a helping hand, be a sign of weakness? 

It was lucky for me that I already had Mark in my life when I was blindsided by my breakup. He already knew me, about my relationship and about my partner (although he had unfortunately never met him, couples therapy was something we never tried). That first week I called Mark almost everyday when I had a particularly tough breakdown. I saw him 3 different times, always over my lunch break - an appointment made that same day when I would call him & say I just needed help. He could hear it in my voice. When I got through that initial week of darkness and finally stabilized, he would call to check in on me. I mean, he is literally the best - so caring. 

It's only been two months since my break up and the support I had from my friends and family have definitely given me strength but I know without a doubt that I absolutely would not be where I am  today, mentally and emotionally, if it weren't for Mark. He helped me gain so much understanding about my situation and helped me look at it from a healthy perspective. When some were making me feel otherwise, Mark told me it was okay to be sad. To mourn. To grieve. I had experienced a loss, a death of something so much a part of me. He let me know it was okay to take time to go through this process. He assured me that allowing myself to feel this pain, no matter how much it hurt, was the only way to come out healthy on the other side. And he was right. I feel no anger, no bitterness. I have closure, I've let go. I know I could not have gotten myself to this point without his help.

If you have ever felt like you wanted to see a counselor but felt embarrassed or weak or scared -- please go. Try it. Take that first step, overcome all of the negativity and do it. You owe it to yourself. 
Mark has helped me. I've gained so much insight and grown so much already. Yes, I went at first because I wanted to be a better partner in my relationship. But in turn, he has helped me become a better friend and a better Meghan, too. There is just nothing to lose.

I took the step and found something that made me feel safe, inspired, at peace, hopeful. We all need that knot at the end of our rope.