Climbing Your Mountain

I had a great one on one coaching session with Julie, my life coach, today. I was reminded of the importance of "not going it alone." For the past couple of weeks, I've seemed to go through everything in life a little ho-hum, just accepting the status quo, which isn't exciting for me at all. After talking with Julie about changes in my life since our last meeting, she brought fresh perspective to where I am. We talked about how to use where I am now in certain aspects of my life as stepping stones. We talked about how I want to use these stepping stones and where I want them to take me. In reality, all experiences in life are stepping stones and life coaching is there to help us figure out how to use them, I guess I had just lost sight of that for a brief moment. This coaching session was just what I needed today to reenergize. I left feeling very excited and motivated, with a reset focus on purpose, plans and goals.

In life coaching and in her studio, Julie focuses on The 7 Life Miracles. There was one in particular that themed my life this week: Climb -- Conquer your mountains. May was crazy busy for me and I did not stay as committed to my workouts as I prefer to. When June came about, I knew I had to get back into the workout routine. This habit of not working out regularly does not serve me. I need to stick to my routine for me, because working out keeps me healthy and it makes me feel good. For June, I also had some extrinsic motivation as well, including my California vacation coming up next month! [Gotta get bikini ready ;)]

So, this week I hit the ground running, literally. I ran almost every morning. The days I ran, I also lifted and did my ab work. The days I didn't run, I did Pilates or Yoga. Because it had been a month since I had exercised almost every day of the week, this was definitely a challenge.  There were moments when I literally felt like I was climbing a mountain. I had to stay focused on that goal of attaining what was there at the top. I had to encourage myself to push through. Julie taught my Pilates classes and was an amazing leader, keeping me motivated to power through. The rewards are so worth it, though. Feeling your body push itself and attain higher levels of fitness is a great feeling and makes the effort exerted worthwhile.

Julie & I talked in our session today about how it seems as if there a lot of things in the works in my life right now that all could lead to something great. It's like I am right at the cusp, at the turning point. If I put a few more things in motion, or let some things play out, I'll find myself reaching the top of that mountain. It's uplifting to see months and months of work and action finally start to take shape and lead to some of my long-term goals.

We also talked about how we mustn't stop climbing just when we think we've reached the top. For me, I may attain a business or personal goal, but that may only be temporary. Maybe that business success will lead to a future goal. Or maybe my business will face adversity that will propel me into something bigger & better that I otherwise would have never reached for. Maybe a relationship won't last forever. But all of our mountains are there to teach us something, and they are there for us when we need it most in our lives.

Climb. Have fun and enjoy the journey. Have 20 seconds of insane courage and something great will come of it. Risk leads to reward. Reach towards your goal. Conquer your mountain.

One Day at a Time

May was a busy month -- as it always is.

May starts off with my birthday :) Then, spring turns into summer and suddenly it's a race to get to this event, or that patio happy hour. Business picks up as people get a refreshed energy boost...all wonderful, amazing happenings that just seem to sneak up on me every year. Before I know it, May is over and I have a month full of amazing memories to carry with me.

My birthday this year came with a lot of pressure -- it's my last year in my twenties! I feel as if I have to go out with a bang and squeeze every last drop out of 29! I want 29 to just be FUN!

I decided to take the risk in committing to the dating game. That never seemed fun to me before, and doesn't really coincide with my plan to wait for some Heaven-sent guy to cross my path. But, I decided to give myself the summer to put myself out there and be more willing and open to meet different guys. This doesn't quite come naturally to me. I was never a serial dater in the past. I've had one serious relationship. If I don't feel an instant connection or if I can't see you in my future, I check out. I view it as a waste of time. I don't typically date to date, I date for a long-term purpose or goal. So this new concept has been hard for me.

I was a little concerned that I was biting off more than I could chew. I'm someone who values my time, especially my downtime. I can't run myself too thin going from one thing to the next constantly. There's an anxiety that comes with adding dates to my calendar, on top of client meetings, workouts and happy hours with girlfriends. I'm a month in and I've met a lot of wonderful guys although, to be honest, it is a bit draining. It's fun and a great way to meet nice people. But the waiting game of seeing where it goes or even knowing where I want it to go is the hard and exhausting part for me.

Even if I don't find my person that carries me off into the sunset to live happily ever after, I am at least hoping for great stories to share here on The Single Girl Project. But, I'm determined to just persevere and take it one day at a time. Summertime is meant to be busy and, most importantly, fun! Here's hoping!

Stories

We all have a story of how we got to where we are. The stories of our lives. There are songs about it ("The Story" by Brandi Carlile) and there are books about it (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller -- one of my very favorite books, one I can read over & over, one I highly recommend you check out). I love listening to people's stories. It provides so much insight into who they are, and why. I seem to always learn something not only about them, but about life and people, too. I usually have "A-ha!" moments as I'm learning about someone's journey that makes me think about it in the context of my own life. I also typically find that we have more in common than would meet the eye.

The problem is: not a lot of people share their stories. And, not a lot of people revisit their stories. {Or maybe that's just my perception.} Everyone talks about their bucket list, or their 30 before 30 list [or something], but the conversation topic is not often "What I have done." So many of our social interactions in this day in age are on the surface. We accept people at face value for who they are. I want to know why they are the way they are. I want to know who and what made someone the way they are today. 

I'm all for bucket lists and whatnot; I'm actually creating mine right now. I love dreaming big…it opens a world of exciting possibilities! It literally makes me happy just thinking about all of the amazing things I have yet to experience in my life, if I am so blessed to be given that time here on Earth. And, I don't think people should necessarily live in the past and dwell on the things they used to do, or once did, or regret not doing at the time. BUT, I do think we should give ourselves credit. For every item on our things to do before 30 list, I'm sure there is one that we have already done that makes us who we are today. 

 I love to reminisce. It keeps things fresh. When I take the time to remember who I was at a particular moment of my story, it makes that part of me become alive again. My family & I love to tell stories. We'll talk about my childhood, or my Dad & his brother will tell stories of our family and our little, small town. My Grandma will tell stories of her life: growing up in a small town with all of her siblings, when she was a working mother of a young family, of her memories of days spent with her grandkids. I would say this happens often, probably weekly. And I love it. It's good to remember where you came from and not always focus just on where you are. 

My Grandparents on my Dad's side are now gone and I think of them often. There are a lot of little things that remind me of them. My Mom calls me "Little Betty" on an almost daily basis and we laugh, because there's a lot of my Grandma in me. And even though they often come to mind, I still like to visit them at the cemetery from time to time, as I did recently. I remember thinking when they passed that I didn't know a world without them. And then somehow you get used to this world without them in it. You get used to them being more of a memory than anything. And that's kind of how we are with moments in our life. We get used to them being a memory. We may call them to mind from time to time but that's it. They are no longer alive. That's why I still visit my grandparent's grave -- it makes me do more than just think about them, it takes me back to when they were still alive. It renews my connection with them. The same goes for looking back on memories. When my family & I tell stories of my childhood, it makes me reconnect with that little girl and reminds me to keep her alive as I go through life. It reminds me to live life looking through her eyes a little more often…the sheer delight at the simplest things. 

I was reminiscing with a friend yesterday about when I got the call offering me my first job after college. It was less than a month before graduation and I knew I was moving to California but I hadn't secured a job yet. I remember hanging up the phone and just being on cloud 9. I remember the PURE excitement (and relief!) of knowing I had this job, and this new life awaiting me. Looking back, I was 22, living in this new city and working this new job and all I can remember being is happy & carefree. {I think as we get older, it gets harder and harder to remain carefree.} I get used to that particular life story, I get used to it being in my past, a memory. But the importance of reminiscing is that it reminds me to try to live with that carefree spirit, even when my life doesn't seem to be made up of the new and exciting or when life has taught me to be a little more cautious or skeptical.

One day, I will want to pass these stories down to my kids. Tell them about how their grandparents grew up, or stories from their great-grandparents childhood, stories from my childhood. Tell them the history of my life experiences and how it led me to where I am in that moment. I want to keep the memories, the people, the experiences alive. I want my past and the past of my family to be alive inside me so that people don't just think I am who I am because I am. I didn't just show up like this, and neither did anyone else. I want others to know, and relate to, why I am who I am. Who influenced that. And I want to learn the same things about them. I love to share stories.  I love to remember stories. I love to CREATE stories. 

The Single Guy Project?

Okay, so you all know from reading this blog that the Single Girl Project started as way to find myself again. At the start of this project, almost a year ago, I had become almost unrecognizable. Some Meghanisms were still there but they were a bit suppressed and lost. And some pieces of me I had let deteriorate completely. It's been an amazing experience getting to know myself again. I feel so happy and healthy - in mind and in body. It feels so good to be back. I know myself better than ever before and I'm confident in who I am, what I can offer and what I deserve. The lessons learned during a two year relationship and painful breakup have taught me to not just be the best version of myself, but to be a better friend and a better partner...a better human being in general.

Best of all, those lessons taught me what hard work it is to learn more about yourself. It's an investment and it's a challenge. It comes with adversity and set backs. But those experiences make it mean so much more when you get to where I am now. It's one thing to discover more about yourself as you live your way through life's lessons. It's another to fully appreciate the darkness that you walked through. If this knowledge were just handed to me, it would be so easy to let go of it and forget (like the first go 'round). But this time, I earned it. And that means I am going to hold onto who I am with a fierce, protective grip. Now that I have put in the emotionally exhausting work of discovering myself again, I will never again let it be compromised or sacrificed. I am so thankful for the journey that got me to where I am today. I wouldn't change one thing about the last three years of my life because it made me who I am today. But I only want to go through it once. Keep moving forward.

From here on out, if something [or someone] doesn't serve me or make me happy, it has no room in my life. I admit, that is a hard, fine line to follow. Relationships take work, sacrifice and compromise. As human beings, we are (or at least should be) constantly evolving and changing, just hopefully for the better. And that is what I want. If someone is going to influence my life in a way that changes who I am, let it be for the better or let it be not at all. And if I stumble upon some man who seems like a nice enough guy, but for whatever reason we just don't click on some level, I'm gonna let that man go. There is someone else out there who he will make happier than he will make me. I don't need a male companion so desperately that I will sacrifice who I am to achieve it. {For what it's worth, I didn't think I did that the first time around, but now I know enough to recognize it if this starts to happen in the future.}

Which brings me to The Single Guy Project, or apparent lack-thereof. Based on inadvertent field research over the past few months, I have determined that not enough -single- men out there (any?) work on themselves at all. It's very exasperating. Let me provide you with some examples.

Male A, 33 -  When I couldn't take his call because I was busy with a going away party and a holiday party one night with friends, "I can allow you to be busy with work and family but I don't want to be blown off for parties with friends." [For the record, we had talked on the phone once or twice and not yet met in person - we never did.]

Male B, 38 - When I declined a dinner date (because he was 38 and used cheesy pick up lines on not just me, but ALL of my friends), "It's a free meal."

Male C, 36 - While trying to impress me during our initial meeting, "I paid extra to park my car in front of Hyde Park."

This is why I don't date. I mean, come on. Please tell me that you have something more to sell yourself on than money. I don't care that you can pay for my dinner, I don't need that. I also couldn't care less where you parked your car. I am actually the opposite of impressed that you PAID MONEY to park it where everyone can see it. I would hope that candidates pushing 40 would have more substance to offer than this. Maybe sell yourself on your personality, your conversational skills, your interest in worldly topics...something other than a dinner partner that will take care of the bill.

I need a man who has some good life experiences through which he has learned about himself. I need a man that has made a project out of getting to know who he is so well that he won't lose himself. I need this because my therapist told me (and I listened) that I can't make someone else my project. They need to be their own project. An individual can change, evolve and fix themselves, no one else. We are all really a work in progress, I just need a man that realizes this. If he knows who he is and what he is worth, he will recognize the same in me.

I, of course, want a man who shares my same interests and has a compatible personality. But I also really need someone with some depth, a man that I can relate to. A man who understands me because he has not only experienced but appreciated his own life journey. A man who has seized the opportunity to learn life lessons. Instead, I have thus far bumped into men who seemingly view women as something to win over with money or sex appeal. That works for some women I'm sure but if a man wants a woman like that, then I don't want him and any efforts to win me over will be wasted.

I am an eternal optimist. I see hope in every situation. So I'm going to wait for the right man, the one who values my Single Girl Project and who has hopefully endured his own version. I would much rather be amazingly happy and single, doing my own thing and living {and loving!} my life than only mildly happy with a man who has nothing interesting to talk about over dinner at a fancy restaurant, just so I have someone to pick up the tab. Besides, my friends make much better dinner partners than that! :)

Miracle Retreat

Today the winners of the Life Transformation contest & studio instructors participated in The 7 Life Miracles retreat with Julie Wilkes & Seven Studios. The 7 Life Miracles retreat is based off of Julie's new book of the same name (check it out on Amazon!)  I am currently in the middle of reading the book and, while it would be amazing to read at anytime, it coincides perfectly with the 6 month Life Transformation project.

Our group today was the first to experience the retreat but it will become something offered by the studio. I feel so honored to be one of the first to be involved in this powerful retreat and I am here to tell you that it is something you should take advantage of if you are able. It takes her book and teaches the lessons throughout the day through discussion and activities. I want to briefly share what we went through today because it was so motivating and inspiring and I feel a renewed passion for life. It was amazing. I feel compelled to share this positive day with you so that there may be a ripple affect but I want to also suggest reading the book and doing the retreat yourself because you will get even more out of it.

We talked about embracing life, living in the moment, seizing the day. What do we dream of doing? What is stopping us? What can we do about it? The perfect scenario is this very moment!

We talked about connecting. We have people and moments in life that teach us lessons. They either inspired us or their adversity led us to something greater. Connect in that, express your gratitude, see the lesson. The cool thing is that one day you will be able to pay that forward. You will be someone's coach, maybe without even realizing it. One exercise encouraged us to think about a person who served as a coach at some point in our lives. To really ponder on how pivotal those moments were and what an impact that person made was so powerful. We each wrote thank you notes to our person. Most of us, including myself, were practically sobbing through this. To put your thoughts and gratitude in words was so meaningful.

We talked about creating the life we want to live. This was a really cool topic for me because I am currently creating, planning and working through so many of my goals in the life-coaching aspect of the life transformation project. Really creating goals in a way that encourages action and in a way that can be measured takes time and a lot of writing. In the retreat, we did goal painting. We envisioned the life we wanted for ourselves and portrayed that as a painting. I chose a color to represent different aspects I want to see as a part of my life (to be surrounded by only people & things that add positive energy to my life, to be of healthy mind & body, to continue to learn & grow personally, to achieve professional growth & success, to travel & explore, to pursue passions & adventures) and applied it to canvas. So therapeutic and one of my favorite things. [photo below!]

We talked about empowerment. The fact that happiness is not the end result of something else. You choose to be happy and we discussed a challenge to make that a habit. The challenge is to, everyday for 30 days, experience one of four things: be inspired, get out of your comfort zone, learn new things, take time to relax & restore your body. I will talk about this more in a future blog post as I will be embarking on this challenge as a part of my continued life transformation.

We talked about choice. We choose our path. We choose if we want to change our story. We choose if we want to let go of our burdens or let them weigh us down. We choose if we need to change our mindset or our direction.

We talked about climbing and conquering our mountains. Our mountains should not be viewed as punishments. They are are there to show us something. We learn strength from our challenges and we learn to keep moving forward. When we strive to raise the bar and reach for something higher and higher, we will stumble. But there is no such thing as failure. Failure is life trying to move you in another direction. Our activity here was stair steps for what I think was two minutes but what seemed like much longer. When it seemed we were at our capacity, Julie asked us to think of something we really want and just envision that right in front of us. I stepped faster, I pushed through the burn in my thighs. Really picturing your goal right there and attainable truly made it easier for me to power through to reach it. It was one of those "If you can think it, you can do it" moments. Focus on why you can achieve something and not the reasons why you can't do it.

We talked about inspiration. We heard about an ancient Egyptian concept that when you die, you are asked two questions to get into Heaven: "Did you find joy in your life?" and "Did your life bring joy to someone else?" These are amazing questions to live by and I am so happy to have learned of this concept. We should strive to live so that we can answer "Yes" to these two questions. Be your own light, and be the light in someone else's darkness. We did an exercise to bring light to others and now we each have a piece of paper filled with 8 comments from the other members saying wonderful words about ourselves and how we have inspired them. It is really heartwarming.

This day was so amazing and such a wonderful investment of time. I am so blessed to have met these fabulous, positive people and share in this with them. Julie filled our retreat with inspiration and I am so glad I could share a little bit of our day with you!

Reaching for your goals

Part of my 6-month journey of transforming my life involves life-coaching, which is right up my alley. I loved what I got out of my experience with counseling (which works on your past and why you are where you are) so it only seems natural that once I figured that out, I would look to the future. You have to keep growing. 

In my life coaching sessions, we discussed five goals that I want to reach in 2014. This life coaching has been so eye-opening because ordinarily I wouldn't know how to break these down. For instance, my goal of living on my own. I know that isn't something I'm going to entertain until at least the 2nd part of this year. So, I would have put that on the back burner. Now I know that everything can get smaller and smaller. My coach has given me exercises to break that down so that I can be doing something today, that will help be get there in 6 months.

It's such a brilliant concept. Breaking things down into little baby steps gradually takes you to the place you want to be but it just seems much more manageable. There are more opportunities for achievement as well. Instead of one giant hurdle every so often, I can experience little victories every day. This only fuels my desire and commitment to reaching my goal. I've almost become obsessed with it. I started with 5 major goals but I've ended up with several smaller goals. Anything I want to change or add to my life, I just make it a goal. With this method of breaking it down and asking questions, I know I can make any goal attainable. 

For example, one of my goals for this year was to travel. Once a quarter I want to travel, either on a legitimate vacation or at least a weekend getaway. So I made plans to go visit my cousins in Nashville this coming weekend. Goal met, right? No. Through a coaching session I realized that my goal can't be to just travel. If that were the case I would have met my goal the second I step off the airplane and that's no fun. My coach asked me to reflect on what my goals were for this trip. What did I want to experience while I was there? What needed to happen to make this the trip? 

Well, no matter where I was traveling to, my answer would be relatively the same. Nashville is not a new city, I've been there multiple times. But anywhere I travel, I want to see it through fresh eyes. I want to experience the culture. The hidden gems. I want to learn something about it and I want to make my mark on it. I want to become a part of that city. Part of the allure of traveling is the anonymity of it. I love being in a city where no one knows you, no one knows your there. It makes it truly care free. There's an exhilarating freedom about that. My specific goal for Nashville is that I have to see live music, which won't be hard at all. I love the culture of that city, I love the music scene and I can't wait to be a part of it. My other goal is to really notice how I act in that environment. Maybe learn a few things about how I live when I have nothing to lose. Try to see if I can bring a little bit of that back to my city, experience this city like I would if I didn't live here.

Take any goal, especially one that seems unattainable or far off in the distance, and ask questions about it. I start by asking "How?" or "Why?" or "What will this scenario look like when it is reached?" Then you start figuring out how you are going to get there. Where do you need to start? When you figure out the little things you can do now, each day or each week, you'll see progress leading you to that goal. Sometimes, this part of breaking it down is the hardest. I've been stuck on my relationship goal for a few weeks. I just haven't touched it. I'm supposed to be asking myself questions and creating an action plan but I don't know yet what the baby-step goals are. So this week my goal is to figure out that Relationship goal (haha!) and I'll be writing more later on what it is and how it plays a role in The Single Girl Project. 

A Balancing Act

I have been thinking the past few weeks about living a balanced life. It is something I always strive to do, and something a lot of friends and colleagues are always trying to do. I have had more than enough examples in the recent past of the complications that come when one tries to live a balanced life. I am sure I'm not the only person who ever wonders "Is it really attainable?" Sometimes it seems we are all chasing after this illusion…working towards this goal of reaching balance that will never be realized. 

For me, my life revolves around work, family, friends, working out, hobbies and "me" time - where I just have quiet time to read or be alone. These are the things that make up my life, and they all come with certain demands. And they all, combined, run me ragged. I mean that in the best of ways. How boring and dull would life be if we removed all of the positive things that keep us busy? 

In yoga, for our body to be in balance, we need a strong core. The same is true in life. For our life to feel balanced, our center core must be strong. The ups and downs of daily life, the weeks where we feel like we're treading water…those moments are just exercising our inner core, our center soul. And, just like our body in yoga, our inner core should always be changing, always improving. Maybe this is why it feels like we're always running towards a peaceful balance without ever seeming to arrive. Maybe it's because we aren't supposed to ever truly arrive. The challenges strengthen us and the experiences teach us. If we were to get to this place where we are done and we feel that we've achieved a final completeness, then what would we have left to drive us?

I've written in the past about living in the moment, and experiencing the motions rather than just going through them as a means to get to the next one. To me, being in the moment means truly living and feeling life. It does offer an inner peace that we can carry with us through each minute of every day. But it takes practice to achieve this. Everyday we have to TRY at this. It is a lesson that is also never fully learned, at least in my opinion. If it came naturally, everyone would walk around in their own peace-emitting bubble. So it is something we have to strive for and I think we realize that because our inner core, our souls, recognize this feeling and yearn for it. That's why so many people out there join in the race to achieve this inner peace. 

I feel SO much inner peace these days. I've had the most extremely happy moments in my life before…every stage of my life I've had things to be happy about. But the happiness stemmed from some external influence. Where I lived, my job or friends, my significant other, etc. This is the first time I can recall being so happy on the inside, no matter the outside influences. It is quite powerful to realize the simplicity that comes along with being happy with only yourself. When you realize you are all you need and everything else just gets to come along for the ride…it is a wonderful sense of freedom.

But inner peace does not equal balance. They are associated with one another so for the longest time it seemed if you experienced inner peace, you would also feel balance in your life. This isn't necessarily true which is a concept I am just realizing. I can feel inner joy and I can have all of the parts of my life (work, people, activities, etc) out of control and over-stimulating, all at the same time. Or there are days when the complete opposite is true and, for whatever reason, your inner joy is a little subdued and you have a quiet schedule where you feel you are in control of your day. Or you may be really, really happy and feel in control of all the areas in your life. But you may or may not feel balanced in any of these situations. I've realized this is due to that inner core. The "me" time and taking care of yourself. If I have a busy day, the first thing to get pushed back to another day is my quiet time or my workout session. I think this is because every other part of the day someone else is depending on you and you can't let them down. But, you can't let you down, either! YOU are dependent on you. That has been the whole goal of my recent journey -- learning to be the best, healthiest me so that I can offer that version out to the world. You get back what you put out so I want that to be at its best. 

I've made more of a point to do whatever it takes to get my workout and my quiet time in. Whether it means getting up a little earlier or moving the rest of my schedule around so these parts of my day are accommodated. That isn't always easy to accomplish, but it is necessary. I have it scheduled in my day just like I would schedule a meeting with a client and everything else needs to fall into place around that. It's like the story about filling a jar with the big rocks, the little pebbles and the sand. {Check that story out here if you aren't familiar} 

At the end of the day, a lot of us are in the same boat. We feel like a duck paddling our feet like crazy under water while on the surface everything is running smoothly. Things come across our desk and our to-do list gets longer, and when Friday finally arrives we feel like we didn't accomplish a whole lot because our task list is longer than it was on Monday. It is mentally exhausting, actually. Most days I end with the thought "I just want to be caught up." But I don't know if we'll ever catch up. There will always be something more to do. And not just with work, but the good stuff, too. My list of fun things I want to accomplish in life will never be complete. It's okay if things get pushed till tomorrow. They'll still be there. The world won't end. Take care of yourself first. Learn the lessons your busy, out-of-control life is trying to teach you. Learn to recognize what being in balance feels like to you and take note of how you attained that. Keep practicing that. Eventually you will get to the point where you can handle beautifully the moments when life gets in the way of your to-do list. You will come to appreciate those moments, because they are teaching moments. They won't shake you anymore because your inner core is strong. Shift your perception that once you reach balance in your life, it's yours to keep. Your balancing act will never be complete. Once you've worked to attain balance, you will have to work to keep it. It's a journey, not a destination. Don't just chase after it, enjoy the run of getting there.