Back in November, I was on the website of Seven Studios and learned about their Life Transformation Contest. Seven Studios is owned by Julie Wilkes and provides work out classes and life coaching programs. I had met Julie once before at a goal painting event I attended. Seeing her at work that evening and learning more about her studio through their website, I knew I wanted to be a part of her program.
I came a long way in 2013, especially since that day in June. But I want to keep going, I don't want to plateau. So, I decided to enter the Life Transformation contest. I thought it would be a great opportunity to bring in some other professionals to guide me along my path and help me find my way. I know my Single Girl Project is not yet complete and if I could win this contest, I would be sure to not get stuck. To apply for the contest, I had to write a 500 word essay that told my inspiring story, showed my readiness to begin and why now is the right time to transform my life. I wrote away, hit send and waited. I was confident, yet also so anxious -- the winner wouldn't be announced for over a month! The further we got into January, I thought for sure someone else had been chosen.
And then, I randomly checked my email last week and saw one from Julie herself with the subject line "Congratulations!" As I hurriedly read the email, it said out of the 48 applications they received, my entry made it to the Top 5. {At first I thought it was like all of those emails you receive after you apply for a job -- "While you are well qualified and we appreciate your application, we have decided to go with another candidate. Good luck in your job search."} But I read on and learned that the panel of Seven Studios judges couldn't pick just one of their top 5…so we were all winners! I don't remember the last time I got so excited over something! I had the biggest smile on my face the rest of the day and just kept saying to myself "Oh my gosh, I am so excited!" Literally I said that for, like, the rest of the day.
I love writing, so I was proud that something I wrote was recognized. My essay was so personal, so I am grateful it was heard. I am so honored to have been chosen to be a part of this project. Visit this site to see what I will receive as a contest winner. I will be blogging weekly updates of my 6-month journey so please follow along with me -- I want my process to inspire you, and I am sure I will need some motivation & encouragement along the way, too!
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Create
I have long been crafty. I just love making things with my hands, it's so fun and personal and unique. Growing up, I always loved making projects. When I taught elementary students, I would teach them a craft project when we had indoor recess. Once I learned to sew, I started making quilts and other projects. Now my grandma is teaching me how to knit. I am so excited to get better at it and the possibilities of what I can make. I can give hand made gifts to friends, I can make things myself for my home that are made of organic cotton and with love.
I've always been good at the crafty art, but I've never considered myself to be an "artist." Even my doodles look terrible. However, I have had the pleasure of attending multiple Wine Your Art Out events and I end up quite proud of myself when it actually turns out and looks like something. It's very fun to see it come together from start to finish. I learned that I really like painting. I like the movement of it and the process of it. I want to make more paintings that aren't necessarily of something but are instead reflective of feelings and emotions -- what is called Abstract art, I've learned.
Lucky for me, my best friend is not only an amazing artist, but an awesome teacher who happens to have her own art studio (that hosts Wine Your Art Out) So I called her up this week and went to paint at her studio. I loved it! It is so cool to lose yourself in a work of art, to see where it takes you and to watch what it turns into. It ended up a little different than what I initially pictured because of the fact that I let go and went with it. And I loved how it turned out, it's now one of my favorite pieces. It was inspired by someone else and will eventually be given to that person, but it has a little piece of me with it, which is awesome. It's a one of a kind. And for someone who never would have considered myself an artist, that is pretty cool. It's neat to think that I've created something one of a kind.
While I was painting, there was a little girl there also painting a project (I happened to have crashed an after school art class), and she commented that she loved my painting. I said "Really?!" and she said something like "Yes, why shouldn't I? All art is great because you're making it" It was very profound & wise for such a young student (she obviously has a great art teacher in Miss Anna!) But I guess that's why I love to create. It's your stamp and it can't go wrong. I think we all get caught up in all of these things that we have to do that we leave very little, if any, time for our hobbies or things we enjoy doing. Just for ourselves. I'm not saying you have to paint a masterpiece, or sew a quilt, or knit baby socks, but something where your hands are busy, your mind is free and where you can lose yourself in creating something.
Life is all about creating. And it starts with your hands.
I've always been good at the crafty art, but I've never considered myself to be an "artist." Even my doodles look terrible. However, I have had the pleasure of attending multiple Wine Your Art Out events and I end up quite proud of myself when it actually turns out and looks like something. It's very fun to see it come together from start to finish. I learned that I really like painting. I like the movement of it and the process of it. I want to make more paintings that aren't necessarily of something but are instead reflective of feelings and emotions -- what is called Abstract art, I've learned.
Lucky for me, my best friend is not only an amazing artist, but an awesome teacher who happens to have her own art studio (that hosts Wine Your Art Out) So I called her up this week and went to paint at her studio. I loved it! It is so cool to lose yourself in a work of art, to see where it takes you and to watch what it turns into. It ended up a little different than what I initially pictured because of the fact that I let go and went with it. And I loved how it turned out, it's now one of my favorite pieces. It was inspired by someone else and will eventually be given to that person, but it has a little piece of me with it, which is awesome. It's a one of a kind. And for someone who never would have considered myself an artist, that is pretty cool. It's neat to think that I've created something one of a kind.
While I was painting, there was a little girl there also painting a project (I happened to have crashed an after school art class), and she commented that she loved my painting. I said "Really?!" and she said something like "Yes, why shouldn't I? All art is great because you're making it" It was very profound & wise for such a young student (she obviously has a great art teacher in Miss Anna!) But I guess that's why I love to create. It's your stamp and it can't go wrong. I think we all get caught up in all of these things that we have to do that we leave very little, if any, time for our hobbies or things we enjoy doing. Just for ourselves. I'm not saying you have to paint a masterpiece, or sew a quilt, or knit baby socks, but something where your hands are busy, your mind is free and where you can lose yourself in creating something.
Life is all about creating. And it starts with your hands.
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
This year I will be fierce
Ah, my first blog post of 2014! I feel so excited by the possibilities of what stories my blog will tell this year. I have never before felt so renewed. I've had lots of beginnings in my life, but none quite this liberating, none that have made my gypsy soul feel as free and spirited as it has this first week of 2014.
Each journey in the past (college, post-graduation, starting a relationship, for example) has begun with some sort of plan. Each time, I had an idea of where I wanted to end up. Any deviation in the path was a surprise. Some surprises were good, some were bad. But they all caught me off guard. I went with it, of course, but it knocked loose my sense -- idea, really -- of control. It made me become vulnerable when that really wasn't welcome or comfortable {I've come to learn that being vulnerable is the truly brave thing to let yourself be.}
What is so exciting about 2014 for me is that for the first time that I can remember, I don't really have a plan. I have NO. IDEA. what to expect for this year. And it feels so awesome. I am approaching vulnerability and control from a new perspective. Instead of having everything dependent upon this almighty plan, and having it shake my foundation when it doesn't work out, I am living on that ledge of the unknown, of being fearless. I am embracing the surprises, {which will be fun! this year will be full of surprises!} I am allowing myself to be vulnerable to my life's path. The only thing I am going to expect is the unexpected. I feel ready for anything, and that makes me feel secure. When I don't have an itinerary to stick to, I can have the year take me where it wants to take me, and I can change the course at my own free will if I decide I want to go somewhere else. The freedom I've found in that realization is so great, so monumental.
I have goals and things I want to accomplish, for sure -- that is only healthy. But this year I am going to focus on the journey to get there. I figure if I make smart decisions, do what makes me happy and follow my heart as I go along, I'll reach my goals. I'll live my way there without even realizing it. And if the path I choose leads me to something different, then I am certain it will be even greater than what I had set out for.
I did make resolutions for 2014; I've never really made resolutions before but this year I wanted to. The only sure thing I have to hold onto is myself, that's the only sure thing we all have. {I know, obviously, that I can always count on the love, friendship and support of my parents and friends. But what I mean is, their life doesn't revolve around me, and my life doesn't revolve around them. I am responsible for my own happiness, my own actions, my own life.} I evaluated what I want for my self, my inner self, and I've made resolutions that are more like habits that I want to live by. If I'm recreating my life step-by-step, resolutions seem to be as easy a way as any to guide me. My resolutions are things that I want at my core, to make me the person I want to be. That way, no matter who or what the year brings into my life, I know who I am, I will remain steady. My path can criss or cross and my foundation will not shake. If I live the life that I want, that is true to my self, then the people and things that come into it will be reflections of that. My true self will not be compromised.
I'm excited for this new year because of the promise it holds for happiness, for learning and for surprise. I am honoring my resolutions, I am going with the flow, I am putting my destiny in motion. I am fearless.
2014 is launching me into something great
Each journey in the past (college, post-graduation, starting a relationship, for example) has begun with some sort of plan. Each time, I had an idea of where I wanted to end up. Any deviation in the path was a surprise. Some surprises were good, some were bad. But they all caught me off guard. I went with it, of course, but it knocked loose my sense -- idea, really -- of control. It made me become vulnerable when that really wasn't welcome or comfortable {I've come to learn that being vulnerable is the truly brave thing to let yourself be.}
What is so exciting about 2014 for me is that for the first time that I can remember, I don't really have a plan. I have NO. IDEA. what to expect for this year. And it feels so awesome. I am approaching vulnerability and control from a new perspective. Instead of having everything dependent upon this almighty plan, and having it shake my foundation when it doesn't work out, I am living on that ledge of the unknown, of being fearless. I am embracing the surprises, {which will be fun! this year will be full of surprises!} I am allowing myself to be vulnerable to my life's path. The only thing I am going to expect is the unexpected. I feel ready for anything, and that makes me feel secure. When I don't have an itinerary to stick to, I can have the year take me where it wants to take me, and I can change the course at my own free will if I decide I want to go somewhere else. The freedom I've found in that realization is so great, so monumental.
I have goals and things I want to accomplish, for sure -- that is only healthy. But this year I am going to focus on the journey to get there. I figure if I make smart decisions, do what makes me happy and follow my heart as I go along, I'll reach my goals. I'll live my way there without even realizing it. And if the path I choose leads me to something different, then I am certain it will be even greater than what I had set out for.
I did make resolutions for 2014; I've never really made resolutions before but this year I wanted to. The only sure thing I have to hold onto is myself, that's the only sure thing we all have. {I know, obviously, that I can always count on the love, friendship and support of my parents and friends. But what I mean is, their life doesn't revolve around me, and my life doesn't revolve around them. I am responsible for my own happiness, my own actions, my own life.} I evaluated what I want for my self, my inner self, and I've made resolutions that are more like habits that I want to live by. If I'm recreating my life step-by-step, resolutions seem to be as easy a way as any to guide me. My resolutions are things that I want at my core, to make me the person I want to be. That way, no matter who or what the year brings into my life, I know who I am, I will remain steady. My path can criss or cross and my foundation will not shake. If I live the life that I want, that is true to my self, then the people and things that come into it will be reflections of that. My true self will not be compromised.
I'm excited for this new year because of the promise it holds for happiness, for learning and for surprise. I am honoring my resolutions, I am going with the flow, I am putting my destiny in motion. I am fearless.
2014 is launching me into something great
and I can't help but smile.
{I wish the same for you}
Monday, December 30, 2013
Over When It's Over
Tonight I was driving home, reflecting on 2013 and thinking about how ready I am for 2014:
I remember the beginning of 2013, the ups and the downs, the stress and the laughter, the new things and the exciting things, the love and happiness, the tears and insecurities.
I remember the middle of the year when it felt like my world was falling apart. When I lost something I never thought I'd lose and when I felt so hurt and disappointed, so wounded and sad.
I remember the fall when I bounced back, stronger than ever before. A new found freedom, confidence and courage. The finding of myself again and the creation of my vision for my new life.
I remember this winter, which started by me quitting a job where I was under-appreciated and starting my own business. Now I'm kind of in my own little bubble, with no one to answer to but myself, completely able to ebb & flow with life.
2013 was not what I expected it to be. There are those moments in life that are defining moments. Previously I had written about how living in California would forever be a defining chapter of my life. Well, 2013 gave me the 2nd defining chapter of my life. I look back on how much it changed, from one season to the next, from beginning to end, and I can't believe it. I never in a million years expected the year that started off so beautifully a year ago tomorrow to bring me what it has. 2013 has been my capstone course in my education of life. And I have a feeling that it is only the beginning.
And so, while I am thankful for the lessons and hard work of 2013, I am so ready for a fresh new start with 2014. Technically, you can create a clean slate at any moment but this January 1 will be a true, new beginning for me. 2014 will not be tainted with the heaviness of these past 6 months. It ends here. It stops today. I will be fearless. And I will say goodbye and close this chapter of my life.
When I turned on my road tonight, a song came on the radio. "Over when it's over" by Eric Church. Tears welled up in my eyes. This song has meaning for me. At the beginning of 2013, my ex and I would play this song and laugh the entire time because I could NEVER get the words right. Ever. I completely made them up. (I'm not good with the words to any song, but this one especially). It was a happy song for me because of that. Then, around the time of our break-up, this song became a sad song for me (I mean, listen to the lyrics - it is for a sure a break-up song). And then, now, today, as 2013 draws to a close, this song comes on -- seemingly as a way to commemorate my thoughts that this is over. It's done, the baggage is let go.
2014 has no room for what 2013 leaves behind. I'm taking my lessons and graduating to bigger & better things. I am starting 2014 off alone and I'm going to be so protective of what I let in. I will make no predictions as to what the year will hold for me {because, as I learned, it never goes according to your plan} All I know for 2014 is that I resolve to be happy, and to be fearless. One day at a time. I will make 2014 mine, and I will make it great, whatever it may bring.
I remember the beginning of 2013, the ups and the downs, the stress and the laughter, the new things and the exciting things, the love and happiness, the tears and insecurities.
I remember the middle of the year when it felt like my world was falling apart. When I lost something I never thought I'd lose and when I felt so hurt and disappointed, so wounded and sad.
I remember the fall when I bounced back, stronger than ever before. A new found freedom, confidence and courage. The finding of myself again and the creation of my vision for my new life.
I remember this winter, which started by me quitting a job where I was under-appreciated and starting my own business. Now I'm kind of in my own little bubble, with no one to answer to but myself, completely able to ebb & flow with life.
2013 was not what I expected it to be. There are those moments in life that are defining moments. Previously I had written about how living in California would forever be a defining chapter of my life. Well, 2013 gave me the 2nd defining chapter of my life. I look back on how much it changed, from one season to the next, from beginning to end, and I can't believe it. I never in a million years expected the year that started off so beautifully a year ago tomorrow to bring me what it has. 2013 has been my capstone course in my education of life. And I have a feeling that it is only the beginning.
And so, while I am thankful for the lessons and hard work of 2013, I am so ready for a fresh new start with 2014. Technically, you can create a clean slate at any moment but this January 1 will be a true, new beginning for me. 2014 will not be tainted with the heaviness of these past 6 months. It ends here. It stops today. I will be fearless. And I will say goodbye and close this chapter of my life.
When I turned on my road tonight, a song came on the radio. "Over when it's over" by Eric Church. Tears welled up in my eyes. This song has meaning for me. At the beginning of 2013, my ex and I would play this song and laugh the entire time because I could NEVER get the words right. Ever. I completely made them up. (I'm not good with the words to any song, but this one especially). It was a happy song for me because of that. Then, around the time of our break-up, this song became a sad song for me (I mean, listen to the lyrics - it is for a sure a break-up song). And then, now, today, as 2013 draws to a close, this song comes on -- seemingly as a way to commemorate my thoughts that this is over. It's done, the baggage is let go.
2014 has no room for what 2013 leaves behind. I'm taking my lessons and graduating to bigger & better things. I am starting 2014 off alone and I'm going to be so protective of what I let in. I will make no predictions as to what the year will hold for me {because, as I learned, it never goes according to your plan} All I know for 2014 is that I resolve to be happy, and to be fearless. One day at a time. I will make 2014 mine, and I will make it great, whatever it may bring.
Thursday, December 26, 2013
The Meaning of Christmas
This Christmas was a very different one than those in the past. Normally, the day after Thanksgiving, I would get immediately in the Christmas spirit. I couldn't wait to listen to Christmas carols and watch my favorite Christmas movies. We used to go pick out the perfect live tree the day after Thanksgiving and would spend the day decorating it and the house. We went to the wild lights at the zoo. I loved thinking of creative gifts to give. I just loved the Christmas spirit. Church services seemed more meaningful and beautiful. And, for the most part, people seemed to be in a happier mood. They were more apt to smile for no reason, or to let a car go in front of them. I seemed to notice these behaviors and would partake in them myself.
I'm sure I lacked a bit of the Christmas spirit because I was comparing this Christmas to those in my recent past. And maybe I was partially in denial that it was really here this soon. It took my family awhile to put up our tree and I would say that we didn't really get in the Christmas spirit until a week or so before. We looked at the Christmas display downtown and went to a beautiful Christmas Choir concert. I went to a few festive parties and we finally drove around town to look at Christmas lights, and that all helped boost the spirit. Then we made our Christmas cookies, a favorite tradition.
I never made it to the zoo and I watched only one Christmas movie, and didn't catch the Christmas music station on my satellite radio until a week before. None of us did our Christmas shopping until the day before -which has NEVER happened. But, even if it was a little off at first, I am so glad that we didn't miss out on the spirit of the season entirely. It might have been delayed, but we finally got in the full spirit of Christmas.
No matter the reasons behind the Christmas season feeling a little less than Merry at first, it ended well. I ended my day yesterday fully living and understanding the meaning of Christmas. We (my parents and I) spent Christmas Eve with only my grandparents -- I remember when my cousins and I were all little, we would have a visit from Santa and the floor would be covered with wrapping paper. This year we didn't open any presents, we just spent time together. My parents and I spent our Christmas morning together and didn't have a lot of gifts to open but I wore my Santa hat and we ate cinnamon rolls, both traditions for as many years as I can remember. I literally could not think of anything to put on my Christmas list for my parents to get me, and vice versa, so we just counted our blessings. How blessed we are that we don't need anything. {Sure, I got some gift cards and money but probably my favorite gift was my Christmas card from my Dad -- "Meg, I hope your new year is bigger and better than this year. Remember your Mom and I are always behind you 100%. Always have been and always will be." -- It doesn't get any better than that.}
After our morning together, my grandparents came down and we all went to my aunt and uncle's. We have been going there for Christmas dinner for years and years. Deaths in the family and family growing apart have caused the numbers to dwindle a bit, which is sad. But it was so nice to go back there yesterday, and remember the tradition. It was nice to visit with my family that I don't see often and reminisce, laugh, eat and play Euchre.
When my parents and I got home, our electric went off. It was a nuisance but they assured us it would be on again soon -- and it was a couple hours later -- but I wasn't even mad. We had been looking forward to relaxing and watching some TV. I didn't want to use my wireless, my computer or my cell so the batteries wouldn't die. So it was an unexpected break from technology that I relished in. I decided to read a book. {The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry which I've read in English and French so many times I lost count. Everyone should read it. The lesson of the book fits the meaning of Christmas -- "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eye."}
We built a fire and, just as my Dad was getting the generator hooked up, the electric came back on. We reflected on the lesson: Yes, we were without electric on Christmas, but someone was out there fixing our problem, away from their family and in the cold, on Christmas. Yes, we couldn't use our water (shower, toilet, anything) and it was getting colder but we had a roof over our head. The generator wouldn't have powered the whole house or lasted forever, but we had it. We were together, in want of nothing, on Christmas. Not every family is lucky enough to say that -- whether due to deployment, deaths, hospitalization, working 1st responders, distance -- there are a lot of families separated at the holidays. The poor and homeless -- they couldn't provide the things they wanted or needed; they didn't have warmth, or a feast to share.
My family was provided for and together on Christmas and had the best gift of all - love. And that is the true meaning of Christmas.
I'm sure I lacked a bit of the Christmas spirit because I was comparing this Christmas to those in my recent past. And maybe I was partially in denial that it was really here this soon. It took my family awhile to put up our tree and I would say that we didn't really get in the Christmas spirit until a week or so before. We looked at the Christmas display downtown and went to a beautiful Christmas Choir concert. I went to a few festive parties and we finally drove around town to look at Christmas lights, and that all helped boost the spirit. Then we made our Christmas cookies, a favorite tradition.
I never made it to the zoo and I watched only one Christmas movie, and didn't catch the Christmas music station on my satellite radio until a week before. None of us did our Christmas shopping until the day before -which has NEVER happened. But, even if it was a little off at first, I am so glad that we didn't miss out on the spirit of the season entirely. It might have been delayed, but we finally got in the full spirit of Christmas.
No matter the reasons behind the Christmas season feeling a little less than Merry at first, it ended well. I ended my day yesterday fully living and understanding the meaning of Christmas. We (my parents and I) spent Christmas Eve with only my grandparents -- I remember when my cousins and I were all little, we would have a visit from Santa and the floor would be covered with wrapping paper. This year we didn't open any presents, we just spent time together. My parents and I spent our Christmas morning together and didn't have a lot of gifts to open but I wore my Santa hat and we ate cinnamon rolls, both traditions for as many years as I can remember. I literally could not think of anything to put on my Christmas list for my parents to get me, and vice versa, so we just counted our blessings. How blessed we are that we don't need anything. {Sure, I got some gift cards and money but probably my favorite gift was my Christmas card from my Dad -- "Meg, I hope your new year is bigger and better than this year. Remember your Mom and I are always behind you 100%. Always have been and always will be." -- It doesn't get any better than that.}
After our morning together, my grandparents came down and we all went to my aunt and uncle's. We have been going there for Christmas dinner for years and years. Deaths in the family and family growing apart have caused the numbers to dwindle a bit, which is sad. But it was so nice to go back there yesterday, and remember the tradition. It was nice to visit with my family that I don't see often and reminisce, laugh, eat and play Euchre.
When my parents and I got home, our electric went off. It was a nuisance but they assured us it would be on again soon -- and it was a couple hours later -- but I wasn't even mad. We had been looking forward to relaxing and watching some TV. I didn't want to use my wireless, my computer or my cell so the batteries wouldn't die. So it was an unexpected break from technology that I relished in. I decided to read a book. {The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry which I've read in English and French so many times I lost count. Everyone should read it. The lesson of the book fits the meaning of Christmas -- "One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eye."}
We built a fire and, just as my Dad was getting the generator hooked up, the electric came back on. We reflected on the lesson: Yes, we were without electric on Christmas, but someone was out there fixing our problem, away from their family and in the cold, on Christmas. Yes, we couldn't use our water (shower, toilet, anything) and it was getting colder but we had a roof over our head. The generator wouldn't have powered the whole house or lasted forever, but we had it. We were together, in want of nothing, on Christmas. Not every family is lucky enough to say that -- whether due to deployment, deaths, hospitalization, working 1st responders, distance -- there are a lot of families separated at the holidays. The poor and homeless -- they couldn't provide the things they wanted or needed; they didn't have warmth, or a feast to share.
My family was provided for and together on Christmas and had the best gift of all - love. And that is the true meaning of Christmas.
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Little Surprises
I was reading through some blogs today and came across one story I just loved:
"An older couple came in and sat at one of my tables. The man had a bad leg. They were going to see a show. The woman asked me as kindly and modestly as possible if I wouldn’t mind not rushing them, even though she knew we were desperate to turn tables. I said no problem and spent an hour or so making it look like they were eating and drinking more than they were. They asked why I was working on Christmas Eve. I told them my mom did her own thing, as did my sister. They asked if I was married to which I jokingly told them in fact I had just been dumped a few hours previous. As I said it, tears welled up in my eyes. That feeling of being overtired, homesick, heart broken and frustrated by where I was standing at that very moment got me. I was holding three plates, smiled and excused myself. When the couple finally left, I was packing food for another table to take out. The woman came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, surprised, assuming I had forgotten something. She gave me an additional twenty dollars, and hugged me. Like, the kind of hug your grandma gives you She said, “everything will work out just fine for you. This will be a better year. I promise.”
You can read the full post here - this story was #4.
Reading this warmed my heart & brought a tear to my eye. I can relate to just how powerful little moments like this can be. Over this past week, I've had numerous little surprises happen to me that just touched me. I mean, little random acts of kindness are kind of always around but for some reason, lately my life has been filled with them. It honestly makes a world of difference. It just brightens your day, has the power to change your mood, and really renews your faith in humanity -- at least thats what it does for me.
Hearing from an old friend who just wanted to check in, being given the benefit of the doubt, being paid a compliment from someone who you thought didn't even think about you any more, knowing something you did was appreciated and made a difference. Even polite drivers in traffic! These are all things I've experienced this week and each one made me realize what huge impacts we can make on others with just the tiniest gesture or kind word.
With the commercialization and hustle & bustle of the holiday season, it is easy to get caught up in our own little world of impatiently rushing around, with only concern for ourself. The holiday season doesn't seem quite the same for me this time around but I still want to focus on not becoming an angry elf :)
We're supposed to be Merry, and spreading Cheer. There is a joy of the season that we should spread -- and should resolve to carry out into the New Year.
"Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly and most underrated agent of human change. Kindness that catches us by surprise brings out the best in our natures."
~Bob Kerry
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Live in Truth
I had a tough week this week.
It started off normal & great. I was feeling happy, ambitious & motivated, in control.
But as the week went on, a couple things sprung up that just caught me off guard, I guess. I was knocked back a few steps. I actually don't think that is a problem. That happens in life - sometimes your 10 steps forward are followed by a few steps back. It has happened before, and will happen again. The actual problem is how I feel about those steps back. I hate going backwards. I have worked so hard to move forward. I am a very prideful person, and anyone who knows me well knows that I put on a strong front and take on everything internally because of that pride. So I hate it when something knocks my control loose and shakes my internal…wall, if you will. Because then it is no longer easy to stay strong on the outside -- and that is something prideful Me hates.
Whenever I take a tumble backwards, I have a few day recovery period before I can move forward. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I wallow a bit in those sad feelings of disappointment. Of "How can you let this happen?" and "Maybe you hadn't moved quite as forward as you thought." I second guess all the progress I thought I had made. And the worst part is, I know those thoughts aren't truth. Logically, I tell myself everything I've learned and can make sense of why I fell back. I talk myself through it and yet still feel sad. My therapist told me to let yourself feel and live in every emotion because your emotions are truth. You have to listen to them. By listening to your emotions & understanding them, then you can do something about it, you can manage them. So, I let myself feel sad long enough to figure out that I hate it so much that I have to do something about it, although I don't always know what that means.
Yesterday was proof that things happen when you need them to. I was talking to one of my favorite friends about my week and {like I knew she would} she inspired me and taught me to realize something. That steps backwards are allowed to frustrate you, but you still have to seize the opportunity to learn from them. She said sometimes you learn more from the bad than the good and so I realized, "Yes, I am supposed to be learning something from this." For me, there is healing in learning so I have to embrace that. Then, I happened upon an article about people who experience hardships, appreciate the positive-present more than those who hadn't. Immediately after that, I saw a quote somebody shared that said "You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life." Essentially, all of these things coming into my life yesterday was my cue that I've done enough wallowing about my plateau, and now I need to move on. I picked up the book I'm reading and was reminded of its lesson that right when you are on that ledge between known and unknown, fear and security, comfort and discomfort, that moment when you feel like you have no control…that is when you truly have the most control. That is when you are most in the moment of truth. Jumping off that ledge into some unknown is when you practice the most courage and when you have the most to gain. And you are completely in control of that decision and that moment.
So I reflected on where I was, and had been for a few days. The moment on the ledge of being sad about going backwards. I let myself live there for a minute. I let myself remember that I hated it because it took away my control. And then I took control. I made the decision that was up to me to make. That I have to focus on moving forward. The next time I have a bad day and find I went a few steps back, my goal is to remember this lesson. To live there in that moment long enough to appreciate and accept it. And then, to take control and make the decision to jump off the ledge and move forward.
It started off normal & great. I was feeling happy, ambitious & motivated, in control.
But as the week went on, a couple things sprung up that just caught me off guard, I guess. I was knocked back a few steps. I actually don't think that is a problem. That happens in life - sometimes your 10 steps forward are followed by a few steps back. It has happened before, and will happen again. The actual problem is how I feel about those steps back. I hate going backwards. I have worked so hard to move forward. I am a very prideful person, and anyone who knows me well knows that I put on a strong front and take on everything internally because of that pride. So I hate it when something knocks my control loose and shakes my internal…wall, if you will. Because then it is no longer easy to stay strong on the outside -- and that is something prideful Me hates.
Whenever I take a tumble backwards, I have a few day recovery period before I can move forward. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I wallow a bit in those sad feelings of disappointment. Of "How can you let this happen?" and "Maybe you hadn't moved quite as forward as you thought." I second guess all the progress I thought I had made. And the worst part is, I know those thoughts aren't truth. Logically, I tell myself everything I've learned and can make sense of why I fell back. I talk myself through it and yet still feel sad. My therapist told me to let yourself feel and live in every emotion because your emotions are truth. You have to listen to them. By listening to your emotions & understanding them, then you can do something about it, you can manage them. So, I let myself feel sad long enough to figure out that I hate it so much that I have to do something about it, although I don't always know what that means.
Yesterday was proof that things happen when you need them to. I was talking to one of my favorite friends about my week and {like I knew she would} she inspired me and taught me to realize something. That steps backwards are allowed to frustrate you, but you still have to seize the opportunity to learn from them. She said sometimes you learn more from the bad than the good and so I realized, "Yes, I am supposed to be learning something from this." For me, there is healing in learning so I have to embrace that. Then, I happened upon an article about people who experience hardships, appreciate the positive-present more than those who hadn't. Immediately after that, I saw a quote somebody shared that said "You have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life." Essentially, all of these things coming into my life yesterday was my cue that I've done enough wallowing about my plateau, and now I need to move on. I picked up the book I'm reading and was reminded of its lesson that right when you are on that ledge between known and unknown, fear and security, comfort and discomfort, that moment when you feel like you have no control…that is when you truly have the most control. That is when you are most in the moment of truth. Jumping off that ledge into some unknown is when you practice the most courage and when you have the most to gain. And you are completely in control of that decision and that moment.
So I reflected on where I was, and had been for a few days. The moment on the ledge of being sad about going backwards. I let myself live there for a minute. I let myself remember that I hated it because it took away my control. And then I took control. I made the decision that was up to me to make. That I have to focus on moving forward. The next time I have a bad day and find I went a few steps back, my goal is to remember this lesson. To live there in that moment long enough to appreciate and accept it. And then, to take control and make the decision to jump off the ledge and move forward.
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