It's official. The new Single Girl Project is here! I am so excited!

If you are currently following me here, I invite you to head over to paperandarrow.com to check out my new blog! You will have to resubscribe in order to continue receiving monthly updates of recent posts and activities. By resubscribing, you will receive a link to download a PDF version of my short e-book! (Look for the link to sign up on the right side bar. Or, if you're on a mobile device, scroll down to the bottom.) Also, please follow me on social media (links will be on the new blog!) and share Paper + Arrow with your loved ones. This project is very important to me and my readers are my inspiration and driving force. Let's create our stories & launch our arrows!

Read more about the name change here.

Help me remember

You know how sometimes in life you're just going through the motions -- not much is changing and you're just kind of...hanging out? And then there are times in life when you're surrounded by constant changes and you're just trying to maneuver the transition smoothly. You ride an excellent wave for awhile and then you hit some turbulence. Which I don't mind at all. C'est la vie. The ebb and flow of life. The turbulence is where life happens and when you discover what you're made of. I love coming out on the other side of that adversity. {and I'm pretty sure maneuvering any transition perfectly and smoothly is near impossible}

I am definitely going through one of those "transition" periods in my life right now. I try to focus on how exciting and promising it is and not on how exhausting or stressful it is. I use personal development methods to help me maneuver through change and to discover where I want my new paths to lead. I'm very independent and a bit on the introverted side so this level of solitude and personal discovery comes naturally to me. 

However, I was reminded this week how important it is to rely on your tribe from time to time. I'm lucky enough to have amazing friends to turn to and talk with. I know a lot about what stresses they have in their lives, what changes they are trying to find their way through. I offer a listening ear and typically try to coach them through a situation through useful advice. But I sometimes forget that I need those things, too.

I tend to seek out crossroads because I get bored easily and want challenge and excitement in life. They come to fruition because I intentionally seek them out and then once I'm standing at these crossroads, I don't know which way I want to go. I become incredibly indecisive when faced with too many options. {I mean, it's really scary that by picking one thing you're letting go of another! The risk of regret is high!}  

So, I had lunch with a friend early last week and was sharing with her my latest predicament. I forgot how great it is to talk things out. When you explain something to someone else, it forces you to get out of your own head. As we talked through it, I started to answer my own questions. When I'm mapping out how to achieve my goals, it becomes easy to focus on the day-to-day details. She reminded me to look at the bigger picture. Stopping to talk it out with her made me realize that while a certain choice may come with undesirable side effects in the short term, it's for the long term good. I would much rather endure a little short term pain for long term gain. I don't like to make time with my friends all about me so I was truly grateful to her for allowing me the time to break it down and come to some clarity. 

I spent the rest of the day feeling a little more sure of my decision and a little less stressed. Some doubt still remained, but I was definitely more confident and tuned into my gut and heart strings than I was before our conversation. Later that night, I got a phone call from one of my good friends back home in California. It was so great to catch up in general and I briefed her on where I was in life. We didn't have a lot of time for me to go into the details of my crossroads, which made what she said at the end of our conversation even more powerful. It's hard to write about because I can't go into detail yet on my blog {but soon I will! after a few more ducks are in a row I will share some news with you!} But, she just said, very matter-of-factly, "Meg, you just need to do x, y, z." What she didn't know is that x, y, and z are exactly what I have in the works! Talk about a sign from the universe. Any doubt that I had about whether I was making the right decision, any fear of regret at not choosing another route all disappeared with her comment. 

I struggle with pride. I don't like to make things all about me or ask for help. If I'm working through a decision regarding my next steps, I really like to do it in my own world. So my point here is that it is okay to break out of that once in awhile. Talk it out. Bounce your thoughts off of some of your trusted friends. Achieve some clarity. Chances are that just talking it out will help make your choice more obvious. When others give advice, you will feel in your gut whether you agree with it or not -- let that guide your decision. When you ask for help, you'll remember where your heart is. 

The friend I had lunch with last week sent me this note, reminding me that I can succeed, that I have the power to make the decisions that form the life I want. She comforted me by saying that, no matter what, she will always believe in me. Hopefully this helps you remember, too.

"Formulate and stamp indelibly on your mind a mental picture of yourself as succeeding. Hold this picture tenaciously. Never permit it to fade. Your mind will seek to develop the picture."

--Norman Vincent Peale, author

I will always believe in you! Never give up!

Every once in awhile, we all need encouraged to Never Give Up. 

Believe in yourself. Trust your intuition. Follow your heart. 

What I wish I would have known

For the month of October, I participated in a writing challenge - write 500 words a day on a given prompt. I was a bit anxious as to how this would go. I can rather easily fill a page with words on a given topic but I do not have an existing routine in place that sets aside time each day for writing. This is why I signed on for this project. I love writing and I wanted to create a habit of writing every day. Just like any skill or talent, it requires practice. I had to establish time each day to work at it and get better. 

One of the prompts was "Write something you wish someone would have told you years ago." This was all too easy. It has been a frequent topic as of late. My best girlfriends & I are all going to be turning 30 with our next birthdays -- beginning in the all-to-near December. This weekend we were talking about where we are in our lives and what we hope our 30's will hold. We reminisced about our 20's. {that will never get old!} We reflected on the last decade and, since this has been a bit of a theme in my life lately, I'm going to share with you now what I wrote for this particular prompt. 

What I wish I would have known:

A caveat to what I've written: 

There isn't a whole lot I would do different even if I could go back. I've learned from experience that Mark Twain was right, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than things you did do. Any regrets that I do have, are all things I didn't do. 

{Which is probably why I now take any random opportunity that presents itself} 

Also, it's never too late. I realize that. But changing course, crossing off bucket list items, doing the things you wish you would have done...it just gets harder as you get older. We are bound by our responsibilities. We are also bound by society. Being fearless, wild & free suddenly becomes a careless mistake once you hit 30. Society is more forgiving the younger you are. The older you get, the more you should "know better" and be settling down.  But, again, it's never too late. Buck society and its standards. Change course & start new whenever you want, no matter your age. 

I think there's a sense of ego-ism in the ages between 18-21. You're fresh out of high school when the world revolved around things like Friday's game or if your crush will ask you to homecoming. [I mean, enjoy high school -- it's fun & you've got it made. But it's far from the best years of your life.] You're, more than likely, going to be on a college campus -- finally an adult, free to control your own life without interference from your parents. College is awesome. You make incredible friendships and the best of memories. For four years you live with your friends and go to parties. Going to class and earning a degree just comes along with the territory and half the time, you don't even know if you like what you're studying, let alone what you're going to do with it after graduation. You picked a major because the pressure was on and you had to. And then you graduate. You literally have no idea what hit you. You were running your world for four years. It was all about you and your friends and a good time. You didn't think it would actually end, or what to expect if it did. 

Then you enter the workforce and real adulthood smacks you in the face. You suddenly have responsibilities. You suddenly find yourself in the rat race. You're one in millions looking for that dream job, working towards that next promotion. As the years pass and your career builds, the social pressures hit full force. Get that relationship, upgrade that car, build a home for yourself. And, while there is a definite rat race involved, it's not all about climbing the ladder. It's all a fun time. You face adversity, coming out stronger and smarter on the other side. You're making more money than you were in college so you go on vacations, you buy nice things, you can afford the latest season's trends. You find out who your real friends are. The ones that stick with you while you're navigating your life and while they're navigating theirs -- this is not easy to do as the older you get, the more schedules need coordinated. You meet new people, have new experiences. Your world expands and you do have fun. And, honestly, I would say you're having more meaningful fun. College is fun without basically any effort. In the real world, you have to prioritize fun.You plan your happy hours, your weekend trips with your friends, your date nights, etc. You live for these things. You need them to survive, to break up your monotonous work week. You're more purposeful of what you spend your free time doing because you don't have as much of it. You're protective of who you let in and give your time to and you realize who and what matters most to you.

So now you're approaching 30. Presumably you've got a career underway -- otherwise society looks at you like you're a space cadet for not knowing what you want to do by 30 {and to that I say "Not all who wander are lost"} and the societal timeline has shifted to marriage and babies. I haven't gotten there yet myself, but pretty much all of my friends have. What I can only imagine happens next is a flashback to when you graduated college. Real life hits you in the face and you had no idea it was coming. Marriage and babies has to be a whole new ballgame just like real life was when you were wide-eyed and fresh off college campus. 

I love life, particularly mine. I cherish the experiences I've had. I love that each decade or chapter of life bears new experiences. Whether college, the wandering of your 20's, the settling down of your 30's...I believe they all are beautiful and hold amazing promises. The scenario I just explained is based on my experience and while I know it doesn't have to be this way, I know that it typically is. That's how the average 20's play out. I wish someone would have told me it didn't have to be that way. More importantly, I wish they would have told me that no matter how you live out your 20's, it goes way too fast. I didn't grasp what our twenties are really like and what they should be used for until recently, in my late twenties, and now I feel like I am racing against the clock to make up for lost time. 

What you choose in your early twenties, from a major to who you spend your time with, sets the tone for the snowball affect it starts. It's never too late to change course, but it does become harder to do as time passes. I wish someone would have told me to take my time making these choices. To resist the rat race for as long as possible. The career you would choose at 20 is likely to be very different from the career you would choose at 30. Same for a mate. Don't settle for what you know. Challenge what you know. Try new things. Travel to new places. Meet new people. Plan a bucket list and then go do it while you can. Take every opportunity for an internship or to study abroad. Maybe don't even go to college right away. Spend time in other cities, navigating life. Learn as much as you can. Every experience is a teaching moment.

Decide what you want to do {hint: you should feel passionate about it} Imagine the life you want to live. And then find ways to make that happen {this involves taking risks, exhausting every possible route only to eventually create your own path} You are more than a career. You do not need to be married by a certain age to be deemed a success. Have career goals. Know the kind of person you think you want to marry. But know the kind of person you want to be as well. 

Your twenties are for YOU. Not in the way of high school and college where you think the world revolves around you. Instead, involve yourself in the world. Submerse yourself in everything little thing that comes your way. Put yourself out there. Create situations for yourself. You can make mistakes, you can take risks. You have time to recover from those. Every experience will teach you something. Be selfish. It is about you. Don’t be in a rush to go to this college, date this person, start this job unless YOU really want to. Not because it’s what others want out of you. It’s easy to fall into that. We compare our journey to the paths of others. We make our life choices based on how well others will receive and accept them. Don’t do that. Do what you want to do. And sometimes, the only way to know what you want to do is trial and error. So go for it and be willing to take chances and make mistakes. You won’t fail. There is no such thing. You can try and something may not workout as you imagined but then you redirect and change course. You can always change course {I recommend taking the long way -- that’s how you evolve} Just don’t be average. Don’t be cookie cutter. Your twenties are for you -- don’t waste it doing things just because it's what everyone else is doing. You only have one life to do all that you are ever going to do so you better get started. Don't play it safe. Be adventurous. Travel. Travel. Travel. In the words of Mark Twain - “Dream. Explore. Discover.” Go. Do. You.

embrace kindness.

“kindness is the root of all good things”

The yoga studio I’m involved with has a wonderful monthly program called Random Kind Act Pals. This is the first time that I have participated. You sign up and are paired with your kindness pal for the month. The two of you exchange addresses and any other relevant information you want to offer. By the end of the month, you send the other a small gift to brighten their day and spread kindness! 

I had only briefly met my partner once before, several months ago at a studio event. I did not know a whole lot about her and I pride myself on giving meaningful gifts so this was a challenge for me! I wanted to make sure she would like what I sent her and I wanted her to feel inspired. While I took time to figure out the right thing to send, I was also anticipating the snail mail she would send me. Something in the mailbox that isn’t a bill!?! I was so excited!!

The only clue I gave my partner was that I love arrows. It doesn’t matter what it is, if there’s an arrow involved, I will love it. I happened to mention that I’m a sucker for inspirational quotes and shared with her my favorite quote as it illustrates exactly why I love arrows  <<An arrow can only be shot forward by being pulled back so when life is dragging you back with difficulties it is getting ready to launch you into something great>> 

The UPS man brought my gift today [ in a FedEx envelope, the irony of which made me smile (: ] One would never have guessed that she doesn’t know me! There was a Quotable Quotes magnet -- I already have a collection of these so it’s great to add to it -- and it said:

“live with intention. walk to the edge. listen hard. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends. do what you love. live life as if this is all there is.”

- Mary Anne Radmacher

These words took my breath away for a minute. These are amazing, encouraging words to live by. I can’t wait to add this to my inspiration board so I can remind myself every morning of each day’s purpose. 

She also included a gift box with RGD stamped on the outside — Red Giraffe Designs, my favorite local jewelry maker. I already knew I would love whatever was inside. And did I ever! Inside was a long brass necklace with an arrow pendant. What’s especially fantastic is that Kate, of RGD, made me a custom arrow necklace when I started my company {called Launch} a year ago. I had been searching for a layering necklace to pair with my original and these two will go together perfectly.

This was such a fun activity to be involved with. It made me feel good to send some joy to, essentially, a stranger. My day was brightened when I received something so meaningful as well. It was a valuable reminder of how much impact a little act of kindness can have. She included a card that said “You are pure potential.” Talk about an impact. I have a lot of transitions personally and professionally going on in my life right now and whenever that happens, moments of self-doubt are bound to creep in, and they have. I’m keeping this card on my dresser for a while to remind myself -- I am pure potential. I have the potential to impact someone’s day by spreading a little kindness, and more joy. 

Chasing the dream

I've always been a dreamer, maybe to a fault..if that's a thing. {I would rather dream too much than not enough!} I can get caught up in my own daydreams of how I want things to be, how I envision my future to be. I try to stay grounded and realistic but I dream big. My dreams inspire my goals. My goals get me excited. When I really think about how amazing it will feel to achieve my goals, I can barely stand it. I get this feeling in my stomach. I feel a rush of adrenaline. I can't sleep at night.

I like living in that space, it makes me feel good, hopeful, optimistic. The other night in a Power Yoga practice, the instructor spoke about preparation. She mentioned that we tend to see people who have it all [or at least appear to] and think that things just fall perfectly into place for them. But in most situations it's not that they're lucky at all. It's that they prepare. They work everyday on bettering themselves, bettering their circumstance, working towards their goal. They set up their life so that when the next big thing happens, they're ready.

It's amazing how the universe puts you right where you need to be, when you need to be there. That message was incredible. I was meant to hear it. It spoke to my soul, spoke to where I am in life. This reminder was a necessary one. Daydreams are awesome, but they need an action plan. There's a journey to be had before we arrive at that destination. A scary journey. A challenging journey.

If you don't prepare, if you don't persevere, it's going to be a long, long path. And it probably won't lead you to where you want to go. It's easy to get anxious awaiting that extraordinary end goal. Some days I just don't feel motivated. Sometimes the task at hand is hard, it's overwhelming. Or it's just plain boring. There are times when it would be so incredibly easy to give up, to be complacent, to settle for the status quo, for the average, for the comfort zone. There are times when I feel discouraged or experience doubt. Some days it's just really hard to persevere.

It's these times where I realize that I'm spending too much time focusing on the action plan and living in reality and not enough time remembering the dream. When I reset and focus on the end goal, I get excited again. It's like a burst of energy. A renewed sense of purpose. Remembering the reasons why I'm doing what I'm doing, remembering where this journey is taking me..that's what keeps me moving forward. My dream is what gives value to the hard work and preparation. My dream is what gives me the courage to recommit to the process every day.

At that same yoga practice, during shavasana, our instructor played Wild Horses {Wild horses I wanna be like you...throwing caution to the wind...} and I'm pretty sure both my best friend and I had tears streaming down our faces. We dream big. And then we're left to face fear and chase our dreams. We throw caution to the wind and hope we fly.

create your own peace.

I love pursuing enlightenment. Increasing my conscious awareness. I do this through a lot of reading, meditation and yoga. These practices enhance my understanding. The more I learn, the more I want to apply it to my life. The more I apply it to my life, the more I am called to share it with others. 

I am so deeply involved in my own desire-mapping, goal-planning and life-coaching because I really believe that the only way I can coach someone else through it is if I continue to go through the process. I need to continue to grow through the knowledge and experience of it. 

This afternoon was devoted to that. I completed my homework for my next life-coaching lesson. I re-evaluated my desire-map. I studied other’s teachings and experiences so that they could guide my own. I could have done this anywhere. But, I feel most inspired when I’m surrounded by nature. Today was a gorgeous day. I mean, if you could bottle up a day to keep forever, it would be today. And today’s perfect weather was begging to be experienced. 

So, I packed up my books and journals and headed out to my dock. I sat there and studied to the soundtrack of wind chimes, train whistles, leaves rustling, and a babbling fountain. The breeze was welcome, especially when it sprayed me with mist from the fountain. 

My current journey is a really exciting one. My process of discovery has helped me to create a clear vision for where I want need this path to lead. But this purposeful journey is also action packed. There is always room to push or challenge myself. There’s always a next thing to complete. It’s easy for me to get over-whelmed and feel hurried. 

I’d already allocated this afternoon to personal and professional development but it would have been so mundane to sit inside like I normally would have done. It would have felt so predictable and common and routine [read: boring.] I’m glad I listened to the call of the wild and headed outside. I got into a much clearer, peaceful state by doing so -- and I know that only increased the depth of today’s practice.  

Being present in nature, aware of and grateful for each movement, is so good for the soul. Today was a gentle reminder to find ways to break up the monotony of every day life. To create your own peace wherever you are, whenever you can. It’s within you -- listen to the call to tap into it. 

{Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.

It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.}

A summer love affair.

As I sit down to right this post, the breeze is blowing and I hear the rustle of the leaves and song of the wind chimes. I had to break out the long sleeves to sit on the patio today, the cool, crisp air an announcement that fall is here. 

I love fall. It’s not just the chill of the air and the comfy sweaters. I love the smells of country living in the fall; the changing of the leaves. Bonfires and hayrides. All things pumpkin. It’s just so cozy. 

But where did it come from? When did fall happen? When did summer end?

I was listening this morning to John Mayer’s “Something’s Missing” [because sometimes I just need to hear its lyrics.] One of the lines says, “When autumn comes, it doesn’t ask. It just walks in, where it left you last. You never know when it starts until there’s fog inside the glass around your summer heart.” I absolutely love that. This summer heart of mine..it’s sad today. I’m not ready to say goodbye to my summer romance.

My love affair with this summer began with my trip to California in July. I can’t really put into words how amazing of a visit this was. Quiet moments of solitude — moments to read, write and reflect. My days spent at the beach — my favorite place in the world to be. Morning coffees with my aunt — one of my favorite people in the world to talk to. Catching up with my friends there — strolling through a farmer’s market, having dinner, catching a show, taking a yoga class. Shopping or grabbing coffee. All simple pleasures of life but made into irreplaceable memories because of the company. My rest and relaxation was nicely balanced with having fun. Paddle boarding, boating in the Pacific, sky-diving, the adventures of making new friends. Letting my world intertwine with another’s, knowing that all paths cross for a reason, even if only briefly. It was insanely liberating to trust that and throw caution to the wind. It was an experience that taught me how it feels to follow your heart and do what makes you happy. To do what feels good and to have fun. It’s a lesson I hope to apply to my life moving forward, even though that perfect vacation by the water under the sun has ended. 

In August I was able to fly down to DC for a weekend to visit my original roomie. I flew in Saturday at noon and was gone by 8am Monday. It was the most amount of feel good vibes I’ve ever packed into such a short time span. It was good for the soul. She is one of my very best friends and it felt so good to be reunited. It had been over a year since we’d seen each other. {The best kind of friendships are the ones where you both make an effort to stay in touch over the distance. The kind of friendships where you pick up right where you left off.} We had heart-to-hearts and laughed so hard it hurt. We walked, we shopped, we walked some more. We explored Georgetown, checked out some of the touristy destinations and she showed me some of her favorite spots as a local. I experienced the event that is a DC brunch. [It started at 1pm Sunday and we were still going at 10pm Sunday!] It was such a tease, leaving us both wanting my trip to last longer but it was the perfect weekend refresher. 

And, finally, my weeklong getaway to North Carolina this past week. My mom and I drove down and rented a condo for a little mother-daughter retreat. I was really looking forward to this particular trip not only for time with my mom but also because my entire summer has been very fast-paced. I knew that this week my mom and I wouldn’t have anything to do but walk downstairs to the beach and sit there all day long. We woke up early each morning to catch the sunrise over the water and walk along the beach. I would drink my morning coffee on the balcony watching the surfers do their thing. {mesmerizing} Then we would make our way to the beach and just sun bathe all day. It was pretty hot so a dip in the water was incredibly refreshing. I napped. I read. But mainly I just sat there and listened to the waves crash and watched in awe the beauty of the ocean, trying to clear my head. I got used to starting my day with the sand between my toes, walking in the water. I got used to falling asleep to the sound of the surf.

This was the first summer being my own boss and it proved that the struggles of being an entrepreneur are worth the freedom it provides. When I wasn’t traveling, I had days where I could sit by the pool with friends. I practiced outdoor yoga. I had girl’s weekends. When others weren’t traveling, we got to catch up over happy hours or coffee. It was a summer of working hard, but playing harder.

I’m not ready to let go of summer but autumn is making us break up. So, summer, thank you. Thank you for being the happiest of my life. To quote Walt Whitman: “Summer romances…they’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, a fleeting glimpse of eternity. And in a flash, they’re gone.”